Behold the wake of the fallen rain
As it journeys through the breaks of the surface floor
‘Twas a memory of imprisonment; bound in a chain,
‘Tis something hard to ignore
‘Twas what sounded like a storm’s calling
Tho’ there was not a noise to be heard
With the sky silently bawling
It seemed to go on undeterred
Carrying on without cease
Did this storm of emotions
It finally came to peace
Still there remained fragments of an ocean
It drenches me everyday; this storm of my life
It hurts me so, causing a strife.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Your poem, speaks.
It is very well written.
I also think that the more challenging words you've used do give it a certain maturity.
I really like this poem, It does remind me of things in my life and i love the way you've written it too. It speaks to the reader and that's what draw's peoples attention. I hope you write more and I am looking forward to reading them.
Thanks for your review! I'm glad you liked it. It mean a lot to me for you to take the time to review, so thanks for that!
I love the wording and concept of your poem. Yo used some more challenging words that I felt gave a certain maturity and understanding throughout you poem
The only constructive critism that I could really give, is punctuation. Try to make your sensational concept and emotion from each word, equally as powerful as the effort in every little detail.
Overall, you did phenomenal, and I would love to read more of your work. Keep writing, you have a talnet!
Thanks so much for reviewing! It means a lot to me! And yeah, I know my punctuation kind of sucks XP I have been trying to work on it, painfully slowly. Thanks again!
Hey! Tigerlilly here for review!
This was a really great poem! I loved the way you had some more difficult words, challenging the reader, yet still making it understandable. The rhymes were on point, seeming effortless they were so perfect.
Still, there are always something that is not quite perfect. I believe that the punctuation was a part of this. Now I do understand that poetry does not require any particular grammar rules, but I do think that with the few punctuation marks you had, it would be better to have just a bit more, to exaggerate what you are trying to say. Perhaps at the end of each line? Its just a thought. Sometimes punctuation gets on my nerves.
Even so, this was a great piece! Good work!
Thanks for the EXTRA long review! Means a lot to me! I'll keep that in mind for the future. Thanks for the tip!
no problem!
Hi! Here to review. Wow, this is really good! Your rhymes are pretty effortless, which is hard to do. I love your opening line. Most of this has a nice flow to it, and the fragmented sentences really just add to that. However, there are just a few little nitpicks. When you say "It drenches me everyday; this storm of my life" I think it would work a little better if you took out 'everyday'. Another thing, you said that it '[carried] on without cease' but then a few lines down you describe it '[coming] to peace'. Perhaps if you said, 'But then this storm of emotions finally came to peace.' This does feel pretty professional though. Those were pretty minor changes. I can almost imagine reading this aloud to a class!
Well, keep up the good work.
-Bella
Yeah I see what you mean. Thanks for those tips, I'll make sure I remember that for the future! Thank you SO much for taking the time to review!
No problem!