Cross Out the Lines

LeonieLacey wrote:To take my mind off things at home
I've decided to go for a casual stroll
Far away from the things that remind me
The people, the silence, the smell of your
Old clothes.

Sometimes i cry, and it helps
Lets me forget for a moment or two
Sometimes i don't say a word
Because the only one who would listen
Was you.

I've had to learn how to smile again.
And i've finally disposed of the guilt.
I don't need to mention that i miss you
Because i've thought of you everyday since.

I vow i won't ever forget you
I'll just have to push the feelings aside
And when i'm finished writing this poem,
I guess i'll just cross out the lines.
I have to start moving on now
And get my life back on track
I left half of my heart in your casket
And now i can't seem to get it back

A short time ago i was so desperate
To hold onto your soul.
However, lying next to your headstone
I think i've finally let go.

But before i put down my pencil
There's something that i'd like to say

My love, i don't hate you anymore
For leaving me behind
When you passed away.

I think this was a really good poem overall... all though the end confused me a little and lowered the standard...

My love, i don't hate you anymore
For leaving me behind
Whenyou passed away.

Where came the hatred from?
I think you should try to erase or change these three lines and.. accorded to me, it would be much better.

Otherwise, GOOD WORK!

To take my mind off things at home
I've decided to go for a casual stroll
Far away from the things that remind me
The people, the silence, the smell of your
Old clothes.

#FF0000 ">Sometimes i cry, and it helps
Lets me forget for a moment or two It's imagery-less common words. Very uninspiring.
Sometimes#FF0000 ">, i don't say a word
Because the only one who would#FF0000 ">'ve listen#BF0000 ">ed
Was you. I love these lines!!

I've #FF0000 ">I learned how to smile again#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">and i've finally disposed of the #FF0000 ">my guilt.
I don't need to mention that i miss you
Because i've thought of you everyday since. this, and the line above don't really explain eachother to me

I vow i won't ever forget you
I'll just have push the feelings aside
And when i'm finished writing this poem,
I guess i'll just cross out the lines.
#FF0080 ">I have to start moving on now you already started moving on earlier in the poem
And get my life back on track
#0000BF ">I left half of my heart in your casket
And now i can't seem to get it back I like this

A short time ago i was so desperate
To hold onto use more interesting words to convey this your soul.
#4000BF ">However, lying next to your headstone
I think i've finally let go. I like!

But before i put down my pencil
There's something that i'd like to say

My love, i don't hate you anymore, #FF0000 ">for leaving me behind
When you passed away.


I really connected with this poem and I'd love to see it final product.
Keep writing

Hey there~

This was a beautiful poem, and other than I few parts, I thought it was really good. It's a very emotional poem, but sometimes emotional poems are the best.

There are a few parts that I would change, though. The main reason that some parts need to be changed is that there are a few breaks in the flow, and although these are very small, they can ruin a poem. Luckily, they weren't bad enough to ruin this poem. For example, the fifth stanza seems to end short. It could be just me, but it seems to not be quite complete.

Overall, a very nice poem. Keep it up.~~