Published March 23, 2014
I stood outside the school gates waiting for the car to arrive. What they said must have been a lie because I had been standing outside for twenty minutes until they arrived. Everyone inside would be having fun right now catching up with each other, filling out their new timetables- ok so maybe not that fun.
The school gates opened automatically to allow the car in. To be honest I was impressed. The car was more like a limousine than the mini I expected. I wonder if they were magicians like me, but I suppose n/a Davies would've told me first. Oh well. The car door opened, after it parked in an available place. Out stepped a boy- if you could call him that. He was my age, so technically a teen. It was strange, as I watched him hold the door for his sister to get out after him. It was like one of those flashback moments. Though I hadn't met these people before- had I?
"Eerm... Hi. I'm Marina. Welcome to County Academy. Would you like any help with your bags?"
The girl stared coldly at me, then her expression changed to a warming smile.
"Oh, no, thanks. I'm Alice, by the way." She tried to avoid any chances of eye contact with me and instead whipped out her phone instantly texting someone.
Sandy blonde hair, blue eyes. Where had I seen them before? The boy turned to me also smiling. He looked the same as his sister, the blonde hair and blue eyes I mean.
He looked as if he was going to hug me, then he turned to his sister and said, "This girl talks too much." Huh? What did he just say, does he realise I can hear him?
He laughed as he saw my reaction.
"I'm kidding, don't worry," he winked when he thought his sister wasn't watching," I'm Spencer. So..." he grabbed his suitcase from the boot of the car and made his way up the front steps of the school," what do we do now?"
I tried to ignore Spencer. I noticed there were no parents to see them off, except for their driver I suppose.
"Well first I'll have to take you to see N/a ... I mean Ms Davies, then someone will show you round the school and that's it I suppose. It's not much, but if your highness would like his personal maid to serve him his meals instead of going to eat in the hall with the rest, then I'll be happy to sort something out for you." I spoke in a perky voice. Maybe I went too far. Alice wasn't really paying attention, but Spencer must have noticed what I was doing.
"No, I think I'd rather eat with the peasants instead today. Though I wouldn't mind having a maid," we both laughed in unison as he spoke in fake posh accent. Ok, so maybe at first I thought he was a total jerk, but now I'm not so sure. Well he isn't that all bad.
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139,536 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hey there!
here I am with a review for you, representing team blue on this magnificent March review day! 
*Discalimer: I am currently writing reviews from my iphone so please excuse any typos or misspellings.*
First off, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I haven't really the first one but it definitely made me want to see what this whole thing is about. I thought that your narrator voice was very steady and that your pacing was good too, although I would've preferred that you slowed it down a bit just to give us an even deeper sense of how your narrator is reacting to what's going on around her. It is my steadfast belief that you can't have an awesome novel without awesome characters that are also complex. I know it's early on in the novel, so it's not like I should be expecting to know all of the ins and outs of Alice and the other characters' personalities, but I think there I something to be said here for giving them some more dimension to them. Right now, Alice just seems a little but flat, which is okay this early on, but I think you could take this to a whole new level if you declined her character a little bit more. Although you've given us her general reactions to netting these people and seeing the car, etc. there isn't really much beyond that. What is it that makes Alice unique? What things would she probably consider threatening or reassuring? What kind if person is she? I think that if you approach your development of Alice, in both her dialogue and your narrative descriptions of things with those questions in mind, you'll find it quite simple to give your main character a little more flavor.
I hope this review was helpful for you and I really like the work you've done here. Good job! Happy review day and always keep writing!
You did a better job of scattering the descriptions this time! You probably could have passed Spencer off with a 'family resemblance,' mention, though.
If you want us to get a better impression of Alice, you may want to add some body language. Since she won't be talking to Marina, maybe she crosses her arms and stares away coldly, or something like that.
You also have somewhat confliction views on Spencer. At first you think he's like his sister, a snob, but at the end, they are acting like old friends. You may want to add something to alert us that her views are changing. It could just be a thought about the wink.
The whole magic thing is confusing me. Is magic common here? What kind of academy is Country? It would be very helpful if you could mention that at some point.
You've done a pretty good job of describing people, but I have yet to discover what the Academy looks like. Is it in an old castle? A country manor? A modern building? Those sort of details just make the story, in my opinion, easier to read.
Thanks for the advice