County Academy

by LemisaLeaZeor

Published March 23, 2014

12+

Marina pov

It had happened over a year ago. Where I fell in a pile of mud, earned the name mud face from a complete stranger I had just met. Then he tried to save my life, resulting in me doing the same back. Luckily for me I had more of an advantage because you see I'm a magician and County Academy is by far the least magical school by appearance.

Ice. That's the main part I could remember. Ever since I haven't felt the same. My heart as always felt cold, even at the warmest of times.

The ice I created, it was not possible. I've never been able to do that since and never before have I don't that in the past- though there was that one time.

"Welcome back, students, to County Academy-"

~County Academy the school for the Special and Over Achieving.~

How `rubbing it in your face` it is!

The hall was filled with applause, as Ms Davies walked up to the stage. None of this I found as interesting as the rest. The same thing happened every year and I had been here since I was 7 years old. The reason for that was because I had no parents, everything was a blur, but in the end I ended up here and Ms Davies adopted me. I've lived in the academy ever since I was 7. I'm 13 now, that makes it 6 years. Of course I would find this assembly boring as I watched it every year.

I could even prove it to you, as I could walk these hallways blindfolded and know exactly where I would be going. I would know where the old wing of the school was originally built by its moss covered bricks and the grand stairs that relies on its "light weight" and the use of modern architecture. The cracked walls were still visible despite being smothered in paint and the chandelier that only allows itself to emit a small amount of light- that just about proves this building dates back to how long.

I don't ever really call Ms Davies mum, sometimes I like to call Ms Davies "n/a Davies" because people don't know whether she's married or not, but let me tell you and you only, she's not. So, you know, she's available...hint, hint.

Up on the stage, sitting uncomfortably on the same rock hard chairs we sat on, were the deputy head (Mr McGowan), the assistant head (Mr Lavingly) and old head teacher of the academy (Mrs Davies, the mother of n/a Davies)

I think Mrs Davies found the assembly boring too, as she appeared to be asleep because I could swear I hear her snoring. Or probably not.

As n/a Davies blabbed on with her speech, I carried on walking with the threads of my mind.

The schools uniform was dull to look at. It was made up of a black blazer(that some people like me refused to wear), where in the top right corner there was a pocket which had the school logo on. The school logo is of two doves, with their wings spread out. Sitting down for a long time in the hall was a great time to do up the top bottom of our shirt or to fiddle around with the lengths of our tie or change the height of our skirts. Though the boys obviously didn't do that. Most girls rolled their skirts up to make it a bit shorter. Trust me, KNEE high socks don't look good with KNEE length skirts, if you get what I mean.

The boys' uniform I can't be bothered to explain. It's basically instead of a skirt they wear trousers and they don't wear knee high socks.

The hall filled up with applause, once again. But I just played along, as I hadn't really listened.

There was one thing I loved the most about this school. It accepted everyone and by that I mean the magicians and the non magical members of society (I should really give them a new name). Every year various pupils among the year sevens will be selected to be a member of the school council- like me. Now you're probably wondering things such as how are they selected if they're new to the school or what's the point of being in school council, it's so boring. Well honestly we don't do much. We're chosen to be a member of the school council only if we're a magician, so then it's an excuse to get out of class when we need to. The reason for this is the magicians are supposed to be in hiding and ... Oh we're going to be here forever. The magicians are in hiding because of something that happened many, many, many years ago!

Soon the assembly finished. We left the hall row by row starting from the back. This was going to take forever as I was at the front.

Sooner or later I just about managed to get out of the hall, until n/a called me over. It was so embarrassing!

"Marina, Marina. I'd like to ask you if you can help with something important? It's to do with the two new students that are arriving today and I need you to help them settle in." Her eyes shone in excitement. I couldn't ruin her day.

"Sure, that'll be great!" Why was I so perky?

"Great, that's great because they'll be arriving in ten minutes."

Ten minutes...and she asks me NOW!

"That's alright," am I crazy?

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
Renard
Review
Renard wrote a review Review · Mar 24, 2014

Hey! XD

The introduction seems very brief, like you are telling the reader everything you've written about in one go. Lots of telling, now showing. But I guess it helped to set the scene, although I'm not sure that it wouldn't be better to make: 'Ice. That's the main part I could remember.' this your first line. Because it's really strong as opening with the contrast between the sentence lengths.

A little nitpick of inconsistency between putting this nickname in quotation marks: '"n/a Davies"'
And not mud face.

Overall, your dialogue is snappy and interesting and builds on good characterisation, as here: '"Sure, that'll be great!" Why was I so perky?

"Great, that's great because they'll be arriving in ten minutes."

Ten minutes...and she asks me NOW!

"That's alright," am I crazy?'

However, in order to balance the writing more, you need to have a LOT of dialogue in there compared to what you have already included. A little bit of balance here will help this piece become an easier read.

Keep writing.


~BSF

Thanks for the advice

User avatar
liesgirl
Review
liesgirl wrote a review Review · Mar 23, 2014

This sounds like it could be an interesting story!

I understand that you want to fit descriptions in, but maybe you could do it on the sly. You entire paragraph about the uniforms, for example, could have be scattered throughout the chapter. Mention someone fidgeting with their tie, or rolling and unrolling their skirt, etc.

The names you mentioned could be between commas, not parenthesis. While maybe not vital information, they are big enough pieces to deserve commas.

In the beginning you mentioned creating ice. Maybe you could add more detail, or at least be a little less vague about it. If this ice is magical, and County Academy is a school for that sort of thing, you may want to mention that as well.

Great advice and ideas, thanks a lot! : )



“If lightning is the anger of the gods, then the gods are concerned mostly about trees.”
— Lao Tzu