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Young Writers Society


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I didn't know- NaNoWriMo project 2015 - Chapter 8

by Lemikita


Eight

On Wednesday Bianca told Fey that Anna Fliegentöter had finally answered their inquiry. She would come by on Thursday to talk about the possibility of a public reading once her book came out mid-November.

“Fey, could you maybe take care of this? I have the carpenters coming in at the new store.”

“If you trust me with it? I've never done something like this.”

Bianca waved at her impatiently.

“Of course I trust you. There's really not much to it and you're good at talking to people.”

Fey was inadvertently reminded of Lily's comment when they'd first met. She smiled.

“People seem to think so, anyways.”

“Right now it's just to make sure if she even wants to do a reading. I think she will, otherwise she would have just said so in her email. Talk to her, get a feeling for her. That's all. You'll do fine!”

Bianca wasn't someone who easily handed over responsibilities. Right now she was managing the Ex Libris in downtown while there was another branch of the company opening near the university. Because she was the branch-manager for the whole city it was in her field of responsibilities to oversee the opening of the new store as well. This gave her little time to take care of the day to day business of the established store and she had put Fey more and more in charge since the planning for the new location had started. Her coworker Claire was her senior both in age and experience but only worked part time because of her children, so the torch had been passed to Fey.

“Okay, if you say so! I'm looking forward to it. Kind of. Ha...” Fey was honored by the trust her boss put in her. It felt good to be challenged by her job with the knowledge that she was up for it.

* * * *

Markus had the later shift that day and brought pizza when he got home at close to 8pm.

“Who's up for bad movies and piiizzzaaaa?” He cried, shutting the door.

“Woohoo!” Fey's answer came from the kitchen. “I took the liberty to prepare everything in your absence, my dear friend.” She gestured to the bottle of red wine she'd opened.

“Haha, perfect. Here, take this. I'll just wash my hands real quick and then we'll start.”

Fey relieved Markus of the pizza carton and grabbed the bottle of wine. She headed to Markus's room where they always convened for their movie nights and put the pizza and bottle on the side table in front of his couch. She doubled back to get glasses and the DVD and her favorite soft blanket, another gift from Meri.

She'd just snuggled into her corner of the couch when Markus reappeared.

“So what movie did you get?” He plopped onto the couch, almost sitting on Fey's feet.

“'Goldfinger'. I heard it was really... well, badly good? Go put it in!”

Instead of getting up, Markus sank even deeper into the cushions.

“No, you get up, I'm knackered.”

Fey groaned. “It's always the same with you.” She dug herself out of her blanket and went to put in the DVD. Markus had a large computer monitor that not only gave him a great gaming experience but also served well on movie night.

“Anything else before I sit down again because I am not getting up again any time soon.”

“No, I'm fine.”

Fey nodded and started the movie, sitting down next to her flatmate again.

They settled in comfortably like they had many times before. In anticipation of the evening Fey was already in her warm flannel pajamas, her hair out of her way in a quick bun. She reached for the pizza, handed a slice to Markus, grabbed one for her own and leaned back into the pillows. Markus put his feet on the coffee table and draped his arm over the back of the couch, his body framing Fey's smaller one. She tucked her feet under her self and sat up once more to pour them each a glass of wine while the movie started.

“Oh this is starting well, is that a dead sea gull on his head?”

As the movie played out they munched on their pizza and commented on the many hilarious faults in the Bond movie logic. During one of the many drawn out fight scenes Markus turned to Fey.

“So how's your new friend? What's her name again?”

“Oh did you see that flying hat attack? Uhm, Lily's good. I showed her the Ice Cream Dream Team yesterday and Helena Park. She'd never been.”

“How did she like it?” Markus poured Fey and himself another glass.

“She loved it. She got really excited about the statues. It's funny, I never really noticed them before, but they are really detailed and pretty. But that's what friends are for, right? To show you things you haven't seen and make you look at things from a different point of view?”

“Yeah, definitely a plus point for having friends. Although they're sometimes high maintenance.” He nudged her friendly.

“As if you're so perfect. Also, you totally like taking care of me so it's a win-win situation.” She pushed back at him and they ended up in a semi-hug.

“You're right, I do.”

“I did almost mess it up though.” Fey admitted quietly.

Markus leaned back to take a good look at her.

“What happened?”

“I... well I kept on talking about a sore subject for her.” She was biting her nails.

“And then?”

“She got mad and only then did I realize that I'd really hurt her...”

“Did you apologize?”

“Yes.”

“And did she accept your apology?”

“Yes...”

“Well then... You didn't know, right? You're just getting to know each other, that's normal. Misunderstandings happen. It's not like you to get hung up about a little squabble.”

“She just seems so vulnerable, like a little baby bunny. And I don't know why, but she's chosen to open up to me, so it's my responsibility to not mess it up.”

At that moment her phone chimed. She'd personalized the text alert so she knew it was from Lily.

“Sorry, let me just get that, that's from her.”

--21:44--From Lily--

Hey, thanks for introducing me to the Ice Cream Dream Team, look what I found at the supermarket by my apartment! Lily

Attached was a picture of a hand, likely Lily's holding a pint of Ice Cream Dream Team 'BBQ-Orange'.

“Oh cool!”

Markus sat up and looked at the picture Fey was showing him.

“I didn't know they sold them at the supermarket now.”

“Me neither.”

Fey typed a quick reply.

~~21:46~~To Lily~~

My pleasure! ^^ I didn't know they had them at stores too! Watching a movie right now, talk to you later? Fey

--21:47--From Lily--

Have fun with your movie, see you soon! Lily

Markus grinned. “So all is not lost, it seems.”

“No, apparently I didn't mess up too bad.”

“So what about the setting up? I'm surprised that you haven't asked for all my single friends' numbers yet.”

“Come one, I've only just met her! Let me get to know her before I set her up. This is an art form, one I have almost perfected and I will not be hurried!”

“I introduced you to my sister and you wanted to set her up before the night was over!”

“That was different, I practically knew her because you've told me so much about her. And she very politely declined my offer to introduce her to a very nice guy and I accepted. You know I'm not that bad. I just think I can make things easier for a lot of people.”

Markus considered her statement.

“I guess you do. Match-making has something so archaic about it, but all those dating sites don't do anything else and they are getting more popular by the day. And you have a good record, I'll give you that.”

While they'd been talking James Bond had finally defeated the villain in a laughable fight and claimed the affection of his Bond girl.

“Exactly. The day will probably come when I won't get it right. Nobody is infallible, but I've had a good run, right? Talking about a good run, Bianca put me in charge of the meeting with this new author, Anna Fliegentöter. She's from around here and we might have a reading of her novel once it's published.”

“That's great!” He thought for a moment before he continued. “Bianca's been putting a lot of these things on you lately, hasn't she?”

“Yeah. She's just so busy with the other store.” She shrugged nonchalantly. “Hey, this was kinda short, if enjoyably ridiculous. Want to watch another movie?”

Markus had the old 'Batman & Robin', so they popped that in and watched it, Fey snuggled in her blanket, Markus by her side.

* * * *

Fey was just handing a customer his books over the counter when Claire came up behind her.

“Hey Fey, Ms. Fliegentöter is here, she's asked for you. She's waiting for you by the YA section.”

“Oh is it that late already? Can you take over here, please?”

Claire greeted the next patron with a smile as Fey walked over to the woman by the fantasy and romance shelf. Ms. Fliegentöter stood easily in her heeled leather boots, engrossed by the book she was perusing. Her dark brown hair was about shoulder length and she repeatedly brushed it behind her ear though it never stayed there long. Fey estimated her to be a couple years older than herself, but the classy skirt-and-jacket-combo made her seem more mature so it was hard to say.

“Excuse me, are you Ms. Fliegentöter?”

The addressed turned. She shut the book, 'Where the Dandelion flies' and put it away.

“Yes, I am. You must be Ms. von Wimmstein, nice to meet you.” She offered her hand.

Fey shook it, laughing politely.

“Please call me Fey! Good book you picked there, though I enjoyed yours more.”

“That's so kind of you to say, Fey. Do call me Anna, please.”

“Shall we go somewhere more quiet?”

They made their way to the lunch room in the back, Fey leading the way.

“Can I offer you anything? Coffee, tea, water? We have a fully stocked coffee shop, you know.”

Anna sat down at the little lunch room table, shrugging out of her coat and taking out a notebook.

“I could not help but notice it, yes. Water would be nice.”

Fey got them both a bottle of water and a glass before sitting down as well.

“So, I don't actually know how to do this kind of thing, to be honest.”

She earned a laugh from the young author. “Well, you're in good company then.”

“I did do some research though. I read that this isn't actually your first published book, but it is your first novel. The other book was short poems, right?”

“Yes, that's correct.”, she said, twiddling with her pen.

“Great. Are there any questions you have?”

“I have a few, but maybe just tell me how you usually handle readings and you'll probably answer them. If not I'll ask them afterwards.”

“Good. We have readings about once every two months. Sometimes they are part of bigger book tours and sometimes they are more in the style of a poetry slam where unpublished authors can read their works. You saw the open area where there are the tables with the book pyramids. We move those out of the way and set up a table for you and a moderator and then rows of chairs for the audience. We're a popular spot because we're central and have the coffee shop attached. We usually start at 7pm and then the moderator introduces you and the book briefly and then you'll be asked to read an excerpt. Then we allow people to ask questions if they have any and then we'd like you to sign copies that we of course encourage the audience to buy in our shop, but they can bring their own copies as well. I think it would be lovely to have you, it's been a while since we had someone local reading here and I think the book deserves a bit of publicity.”

“The location is great and I think the set up you described will work well. How many people do you usually have at such an event?”

“It depends a lot on who is reading. I think the most we ever had was when we managed to get Mrs. Mundoor to read from 'Fearful Birth'. I think we might have overstepped some fire protection laws then.”

Anna paled a bit.

“You had a Mary Mundoor reading? Okay, I think I might be playing in the wrong league here.”

“Don't worry, you're doing fine. Besides, we contacted you, remember? Did I get all your questions?”

The young author opened her notebook, ticking off a few items on her list.

“When would you like me to do the reading?”

“If it fits with your schedule, about a week or two after the book is published would be good, to give it an extra push. The release is planned for end of November, so I'd say first week of December? I know the mermaid story doesn't fit perfectly with Christmas, but I don't think that's of much consequence. Would that date work for you?” Fey's voice had taken on a professional tone.

“Absolutely.”

“So you're doing it?” Fey looked at her with undisguised excitement.

“I haven't said yes yet.”

“No, but you're answering like you've already agreed.”

“Am I that easy to read?”

“No, I'm just good at reading. What do you expect of a good employee at Ex Libris?”

Anna giggled.

“You're definitely good with words, I'll give you that.” She leaned back and crossed her arms, looking at Fey with a grin. “Okay. I'm in. Frankly, I'd be stupid not to take this chance for publicity at this location and right before Christmas. My publisher would probably kill me and use my death to help sales. Though I'm still not sure why you want me for this.”

Fey laughed and danced a little victory dance in her seat.

“This is brilliant, thank you so much! You don't realize how good your book is! I love books, I really do, but when you read as much as I do, you come across the good, the bad and the mediocre. Especially in young adult and fantasy it's often hard to find a book that's well written and has compelling characters. And if you manage to have something original about it on top of it, that's just worth its weight in gold.” Fey's tone had gotten passionate.

Ms. Fliegentöter was visible pleased with her praise and seemed to grow a few centimeters.

“Wow, thank you. That means so much to me, you wouldn't believe. In the last few months I heard so much about how my book was 'easy to sell' or 'accessible to a large group'. And my editor gave me such a hard time with a lot of the chapters and mostly it was just hard work and I was sick of writing. I guess I forgot why I was even writing in the first place. Getting published is great and I'm really glad I got this far, but I missed hearing that someone actually enjoyed my story.”

“You're welcome. I'm sorry to hear you had a rough time.”

“Don't worry, I'm complaining on a high level. I've got one last question, or rather a request.”

“Sure, ask away!”

“Could you be the moderator for the reading?”

Fey was taken aback for a moment.

“I didn't see that coming. Just so you know, I've never done a moderation for a reading before, you'd have a complete newbie by your side. Wouldn't you rather have someone up there with you who knows what they're doing?”

“No, I think we'll have good chemistry. And you're trusting me to do a good reading although I've never done this before, so it's only fair if I give you the same chance. Besides, if something goes wrong I can always blame you for it.” She grinned mischievously.

“Glad to be your scapegoat.” Fey rolled her eyes.

“Don't worry, we'll manage this together. I'm actually looking forward to it now that I know that you're going to be guiding me through the evening. I had expected to face some intimidating, unapproachable business-entity, not a friendly, enthusiastic fan.”

“We keep the business-entities in the storage room in case our authors don't cooperate. Now that I mention it, I think I should feed them some time.”

Anna laughed. “That's exactly the kind of banter I wouldn't have dared to hope for.”

“Me neither. I'm glad this wasn't as scary as either of us imagined.” She looked over her own notes and to-do-list. “Alright, if there aren't any more questions on your part, I think we're done. If there is anything you might want to know later, here's my email address, I'll send you the exact date when I've talked it over with the store manager, Bianca Sorger.”

“Works for me. I'm looking forward to it.”

“Me too.”

Fey showed her out and waved after her as she joined the bustling crowds outside.


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1162 Reviews


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Tue Sep 06, 2016 2:03 am
Carlito wrote a review...



Hello hello! Happy RevMo! :D I'm kind of skipping around in this story, I know I've read at least a few of the previous chapters, but I've definitely missed some stuff between then and now, so I'll be looking at this as a part of a greater whole.

So overall, I like the story. I obviously can't comment on the plot arcs or the character arcs or anything, but I appreciate the different story lines you have going on and the way you're able to give attention to each in this chapter. I think the story lines are intriguing and like the strong literary focus to the novel.

A few things I think could be tweaked -

First, I thought the dialogue sounded a bit awkward at times. When you added in dialogue cues or little pieces of action within the dialogue, I thought that worked really well. Obviously not every piece of dialogue needs to have that (or it'll start to sound repetitive), but sometimes I wasn't sure who was talking and it felt a bit like talking heads. I'm sure part of that is that I don't know very much about these characters and I don't have a sense of who they are/how they talk. But even with that, I wasn't sensing much personality from either of them. I think the conversations could be infused with a bit more personality. Think about mannerisms for each characters or style of speech. Try to hear each of their individual voices in your head and then show and convey on the page how they sound in your head.

One other thing with dialogue was that some of the subject transitions felt a bit abrupt to me and didn't feel very natural. Like this:

“Exactly. The day will probably come when I won't get it right. Nobody is infallible, but I've had a good run, right? Talking about a good run, Bianca put me in charge of the meeting with this new author, Anna Fliegentöter. She's from around here and we might have a reading of her novel once it's published.”

I think it would feel more natural to have a bit of a pause between the two subjects of conversation. When people talk, they don't usually go from one subject to another without any sort of pause. Even if there is a transition, I think there's usually also some sort of pause in the conversation even if it's as simple as someone taking a breath or shifting in their seat.
Think about some of the transitions in the dialogue and the dialogue itself and make sure it feels natural. Try reading it out loud and see if it sounds like someone could actually be having this conversation and whether or not it feels natural.

A very small thing is to make sure you differentiate in some way a test from regular dialogue. Formatting can end up a little weird on this site when you go to post something, so it may be differentiated really well on whatever platform you write on. I think either tabbing it over or putting it in bold or a different font or something usually works well to show that it's something other than a thought or a piece of dialogue.

This is one of those stories that I think I would enjoy reading from beginning to end if I can find the time to do such a thing :P I'm sure I'll be reading more of this soon as there are several other chapters in the green room. But in the meantime, let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! :D




Lemikita says...


Thank you for your review!

I will keep your comments in mind when it gets to editing. The story was my NaNoWriMo project last year and now it's getting to the point where I've got some feedback on what I have to look out for in my writing (my weak spots, so to speak) and what plot holes there might be so that I can constructively edit. Thanks!



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Thu Aug 18, 2016 9:45 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Question: Did Fey always call people “my dear so-and-so” and I just didn’t notice until the chapter where we met her brother? Because it jarred me then, and it jarred me in this chapter when she called Markus “my dear friend.” Only because I’ve now seen her do it twice, I’m wondering if she’s done it since the beginning and I just don’t remember because it’s been so long since I read the beginning.

Laughter written out as dialogue also throws me, although at least you didn’t do that silly thing where you write “ ‘ha ha ha,’ he laughed.” (I’m looking at you, Stephanie Meyer.) I think my problem with it is that laughter spelled out phonetically always either comes across as sarcastic or awkward. Like someone saying, “Ha ha” as opposed to actually laughing. I don’t think you were going for that, so consider replacing phonetic laughter with “he laughed/chuckled/giggled/whatever.” For example, this spot.

“Haha, perfect. Here, take this. I'll just wash my hands real quick and then we'll start.”


Consider changing it to something like this.

He chuckled. “Perfect. Here, take this. I’ll just wash my hands real quick and then we’ll start.”


I’d also like a little more thought from Fey on two things. 1) Bianca’s decision to have her do the author interview and 2) the author, when they meet. The reasons being:

1. I recall learning in the first chapter that Fey is amazing at her job. I mean, she can meet a complete stranger, grill them for a bit, and then set them up with their perfect book. (Matchmaking in literature even as she does in romance!) So when she was like, “If you trust me to talk to an author about doing a reading…” it seemed out of character. Not that she has to be magically good at this or even think she will be good at it, but it seemed odd that she would actually question herself out loud, to her boss, when she loves and is confident in her ability to do her job. If you’re excellent at one part of your job and your manager needs someone to take over another part temporarily, why not pick you? You might be the most qualified, or she might be more confident in your people skills than someone else’s, and so on.

2. Actually, on that note: a similar moment for me was when Fey tells Markus she “almost ruined” her budding friendship with Lily because she brought up a painful topic. What? She didn’t almost ruin it. They ended on a good note; she just made things awkward for a minute or several. And since Fey is the one who’s good with people, I’d expect her to realize that.

3. ANYWAY. Back to my actual second point, which on this list is now point number four.

4. Specifically because Anna is fairly young, I’m just wondering: what does Fey think of that? Had she seen pictures of Anna before? Did she go into this interview knowing Anna was barely older than she is? Or did it catch her by surprise to see someone so young waiting for her?

Finally, I know where this is going, but for a moment I was ready to ship young authoress and our shy flower because they can both be shy and awkward together.

“You're definitely good with words, I'll give you that.” She leaned back and crossed her arms, looking at Fey with a grin. “Okay. I'm in. Frankly, I'd be stupid not to take this chance for publicity at this location and right before Christmas. My publisher would probably kill me and use my death to help sales. Though I'm still not sure why you want me for this.”


And then this part came up

“I didn't see that coming. Just so you know, I've never done a moderation for a reading before, you'd have a complete newbie by your side. Wouldn't you rather have someone up there with you who knows what they're doing?”
“No, I think we'll have good chemistry. And you're trusting me to do a good reading although I've never done this before, so it's only fair if I give you the same chance. Besides, if something goes wrong I can always blame you for it.” She grinned mischievously.


And I was like, except now I ship the authoress and Fey. Maybe they could all just be polyamorous.





When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind