You would not have seen her
She is half demon and half angel
And sorry, I could not give much info
Because I haven't seen her yet
But I will tell you what I heard of her
They say God is everywhere, but not just him
she is there, invisible, but omnipotent
In roads, in chruchs or may be right beside you
They say she is a merciless
For she has no heart
Or rather, she is impartial
For she has no eyes
They say she is a cruel murderer
For she doesn't spare even the little ones
And few say she is a sweet lullaby singer
Drowning people into a deep, deep sleep
And trust me when you read the next line
You are going to die
But Oh, what about your dreams?
The above said lady has her own plans
Even before you finish reading this
She would have kidnapped at least ten
Be thankful, you are not one among them
Wondering who is she?
All roads will one day lead us to her
No matter who we are or where we hide
Death, the Immortal lady is waiting
Waiting for you and me and for all.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hi, J here for a review.
Good poem over all. Good job using the rules of grammar by capitalizing each line it doesn't add or take away from the poem so it was your choice if you did or not but it did help the flow a little bit. So good job with that.
I'm not so sure you could say that this poem is a narrative poem though because I don't know what story your telling. What I think you trying to say is that Death is waiting for you to die, but your whole plot is very unclear.
This poem could be easier read if you added stanzas by typing your poem them hitting shift+enter or you could just put a dash between each stanza most readers will know what you mean. It can be quite confusing in the Publishing Center so don't worry everyone has some trouble!:)
Now on to good things;)
My favorite part of this poem is the last 4 lines they have details and potential. I like the way you described Death I had never seen someone describe her that way before so good job on that. I loved the way your poem was written the questions, the descriptions, and the over all feel all made me like it. The whole thing could use some polishing but you will get better as you write more!
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
Hi, J here for a review.
Good poem over all. Good job using the rules of grammar by capitalizing each line it doesn't add or take away from the poem so it was your choice if you did or not but it did help the flow a little bit. So good job with that.
I'm not so sure you could say that this poem is a narrative poem though because I don't know what story your telling. What I think you trying to say is that Death is waiting for you to die, but your whole plot is very unclear.
This poem could be easier read if you added stanzas by typing your poem them hitting shift+enter or you could just put a dash between each stanza most readers will know what you mean. It can be quite confusing in the Publishing Center so don't worry everyone has some trouble!:)
Now on to good things;)
My favorite part of this poem is the last 4 lines they have details and potential. I like the way you described Death I had never seen someone describe her that way before so good job on that. I loved the way your poem was written the questions, the descriptions, and the over all feel all made me like it. The whole thing could use some polishing but you will get better as you write more!
Good Job and Keep Writing!!
I didn't capitalize those words on purpose. I didn't even notice it.
I think I made a mistake when I put this piece under the narrative category. I thought this poem tells the story of death. But now is that I read it again, it seems like a mere description. Thanks for that tip on stanzas. But I always find it difficult to organise my poem on stanzas. I will try to improve.
Thanks for taking time and reviewing.
This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review!
The first aspect of the poem that I noticed is that you've decided to capitalize the first word of every line. You're allowed to do this because it is your stylistic choice, but on the other hand I wanted to know why you've chosen to do this. I don't see a way that it enhances the poem, so I'm going to assume that it's pure preference to having a capital start each line.
You list this poem as 'narrative' though I'm not sure if it fits into that category. I can't seem to decipher what story it's telling. I suppose that it tells the story of death and how she is waiting for everyone to die. I'm more of a fan of the second half since the ending has some structure or form to it, and there's some potential in the last couple of lines.
In the first half, you describe this Death figure as a half-demon and half-angel. I found this to be rather odd, since I've never seen Death be described that way and often she's seen as more of her own being in itself, regardless of the depiction. Stanzas would have helped organize the poem a little better than you have here--they'd help give some structure. You're relatively new to the site, so I'm going to assume the reason you don't have stanzas is due to the formatting in the Publishing Center.
If you want to correct this, you can line up all of the lines of one stanza and then hit shift+enter to make it look normal. If that's too vague, then you can just put dashes or some other marking between stanzas and the author will understand what you mean. I liked the ending of the piece, though overall I believe that the execution itself needs some work and that this could use some polishing or revision. Experiment around with the concept of Death being more of a physical being here and her features--even if it is personification or metaphor since you describe her as more invisible. I enjoyed how you applied her to different situations with her being there and people not knowing, so nice job on that aspect.
Thanks, Nikayla. I didn't purposefully capitalize the first word of each line. I didn't even notice it. I think it happened automatically when I pressed enter key. And I thought this piece belonged to narrative category. That half demon and half angel does not refer to death's appearance. It shows how people perceive death. Thanks for that tip on stanzas. But I always found it difficult to organise my poem in form of stanzas. I will try to rewrite this poem again. Thanks for taking time and reviewing.
Glad the review helped! Thanks for the clarification between the half-angel and half-demon aspect of the poem, because it helped.