My First Death

Timmy here for a review!!

I think I liked this a few days ago, but today I am going to review it for you!

This is a beautiful poem, seriously. Yes, when people are dying, they seem like they aren't intelligent. That they aren't a normal person. This seems to be written as from the viewpoint of a doctor... Am I right?

I am just going to tell you my little spots to critique now!!

Into his ear like a welcome poison ---I don't think its necessary to capitalize each and every line, especially when they aren't individual sentences or beginnings of sentences

Where sobs erupted and his body slumped,

With drool collecting at the chin,

That dribbling fool

Knew more than any of us. ----How true!

Of Great ----You don't need to capitalize great

And in that split second,

That was the wisest man I had ever seen. ----I think you could replace That with He

PonyzandPokez reviewing your poem ^^ This is what I thought:

I focus a lot on Grammar Spelling Emotion and Formatting those are my categories and I rate actually so your rating for Spelling was: 100%
AMAZING Spelling OMG best Spelling EVER!
Grammar: Pretty good 95% This is better than average because people think just because they're writing a poem they can slack off on grammar but that only makes it more important!
Emotion: 90% Good! Some people just write blankly their poems but you put lots of emotion into it I LOVED this poem but anyway next category
Formatting: Phenomenal! Great formatting 99%!
I'm a real critique as team Blue's name implies which means I'm a little rough on people sometimes but this was FABULOUS LOVED IT! Keep writing

~PonyzandPOkez

This was great! I think it flowed perfectly.
Now when you said this:

My eyes upon his shell were green,
green that it was not me.

I figured you mean green as in envy. That was my favorite line

Ill have to read more of your stuff. keep writing!

Wow, very, very incite-full.

You use a good combination of descriptive words to really bring out the scene and give it some depth. I like that it has a story line about it, but definitely comes across as a poem and something which is meant to have emotion behind it, and not "just" be read.

The last line is awesome, since it sums up the entire existence of man in just a few words. Very controversial, very thought provoking. And who cannot admit that it is true?

Great work!

Thank you Lechatnoir!

Beautiful. Nothing more for me to say <3

I love the poem! It is very enticing.
While I feel most poems should have specific stanzas for each thought, your thought was correct in not breaking up each line into groups. I also enjoyed how you used the allusion of envy being green, as well as making sure to keep it relevant throughout all of the poem.

I also liked how the death of the priest was described in such detail that made sure to draw a vivid picture for the reader. The poem was balanced to not only picture the death, but to focus on the main point, which was why someone was envious of death.

Finally, my favorite part of the poem had to be the last few lines. Not only does it raise the question of what the man could have possibly known to be so happy in the face of death, but it also admits how all of out questions are only answered when life is over and that we only truly become enlightened by death. Eerie, yes, but also very thought provoking.
Very nice job, I can't wait to see more!