"The way"

Laz, I like the meaning of your poem, but here is "ONE WAY" to fix this. First start with using quotations correctly, ex: "they way you talk"... it is hard to follow when you quotations are everywhere. Besides, the other grammar errors, you could use more imagery to describe your emotions which is probably "fustration". Yet, I did understand where your going with this and you are heading the right direction. Now lets do it the "right way". Keep up the good work and keep writing. Hurtado

I agree with the other people who commented on this. It is a good idea, but it definitely needs an adjustment. You stanzas/verses, actual punctuation, etc. But once you get started on it, I'm sure that it will be fun! And that it will turn out great! Good Luck with it!

BookLover33

Hi there!

As the reviewer before me has already said, this is a good idea, but there's not much else here. I'm not trying to sound mean, but that's just how it is. You've got so much you could add to this and hopefully this will help you!

A good thing to start with would be to separate this into stanzas. You can do this any way you want if you're going for free verse. Essentially, you'll have free rein of any form you choose to put it in and that already will clean it up. Same goes for punctuation, like me fellow reviewer hit on in their list. With free verse, the world is open to you. If you want one giant one with the whole poem in it, go for it. If it's littler ones you want, feel free. Just play around with it.

The poems that I've written lately and as I've grown as a writer have contained lots of symbols/motifs in them and I think yours would be great to do this with. Establish what it is you truly want your readers to see when they're reading this and what you want "the way" to represent. At this point when I see "the way" as who you are as a human being, but it's all about interpretation. I think you need to have a clearer way of expressing what "the way" is because at this point it's not entirely clear to me and I had to infer a lot. I also think that there should be some more sensory imagery in here. When I started with poetry, I too didn't put a lot of visual detail, metaphors, etc. in my work. It's something you gain as you grow. Play around with that too and it will help get your message across.

It was mentioned in the review before me that starting a sentence with "but" is a no-no, but in my personal opinion that's okay, depending on how you form the sentence after that. That's purely stylistic though.

Keep up the work on this! I think if you add more imagery and split it up into stanzas just for starters you'll already have a whole new poem going for you! I also hope this helps you. I'm just aiming to be constructive here, not mean

Have fun writing!

Luxe

Alright.

This is a poem I suppose.. Since it's listed under poetry I'll review it as one too. Sorry if this seems harsh or anything, but you've only got one thing right in this piece. A good idea. It might not be the most original but its still a good starting point.

What you need to work on:
1. Use verses/stanza.
2. Rhyme/rthyme if you want.
3. Good punctuation (capitals, commas, semicolons, etc..)
4. Other images/ideas to support your "The Way" theory. For example, give us an experience of yours or of a character you make-up?
5. I personally find it short.
6. There are some run-on sentences.. Which is weird for a poem :/.
7. Don't start a sentence with 'But' xD

Yeah, that's pretty much it. For some reason I think that this would turn out way better as song lyrics and if you fixed it up a bit it might turn out to be something worth hitting big record companies xD Be the next 2pac :p

Cheers.