The bird outside my classroom window was starving. I could see it in the frantic way she chirped, the desperate tilt of her head as she waited for food that would never come. I knew exactly how she felt.
Perched on a nearby branch, it chirped anxiously, as if it were waiting for its mate to return with food for their three hungry chicks. In that moment, I imagined a woman, similar to the bird, standing alone on the streets after giving birth, desperately waiting for her husband to come home.
Thoughts of her possibly learning that he had been lost to violence weighed heavily on me. Just like the bird, she might soon find herself facing a harsh reality, struggling to care for her child.
With a sense of determination, I rose from my seat and moved to the window. I couldn't help but smile at the mother bird’s determination. I whistled softly, and to my delight, she looked up, curiosity glinting in her eyes.
Reaching into my bag, I pulled out a loaf of bread. I slowly tore it into small pieces to make it easier for her to pick up. I slowly placed it on the heater outside the classroom. With a quick flutter, she grasped the morsels and flew off to feed her hungry chicks. Watching this unfold, I felt a rush of relief; at least for now, they would not suffer from hunger.
Lost in this tender moment, I suddenly felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. Startled, I turned to see my best friend, Nuravo, smiling warmly at me. He glanced out the window at the scene before asking, “Everything okay?”
I nodded, though I sensed the worry etched in his expression. Nuravo’s story echoed my own understanding of hardship. His was a little more similar to the bird’s story though.
His father went missing and Nuravo and his mom struggled on the streets until fate intervened when a man gave her a lottery ticket. They ended up winning, transforming their lives overnight. Yet, despite their newfound wealth, Nuravo remained grounded, often choosing to spend time with kids from less affluent backgrounds, like me.
“I am lucky. I should be grateful. Right?
I nodded giving him a reassuring smile.
“I'm happy to finally have a dad." Nuravo picked at his Gucci jacket. "But I keep wondering what happened to mine, you know?"
I nodded; there was no words that could help him with his pain.
"Also, this rich kid thing?" He gestured at himself. "Still feels like I'm wearing a costume."
I looked him over, his Gucci attire a stark contrast to his words. “With all that you wear, I think I might enjoy your life. I’ll take it if you don’t want it.” I said with a chuckle. He chuckled too but then grew serious again.
“I like your life,” he admitted. “It seems calm. You never have to worry about kids using you for money, right?”
I nodded slightly “but your life is amazing,” I said, reassuring him. He nodded but worry lingered on his face.
“How?” He just said below a whisper.
I looked around, then gave him a reassuring smile to let him know I was there no matter what.
“You can get whatever you want, whenever you want. I only buy things when I need them, but you don’t have to think twice about it. You can get what you want without checking your balance, without worrying about food, bills, or money. You have the freedom to travel, enjoy life, help others, and make choices without stress. That kind of security means you can focus on living fully. Life is easier for you—and honestly, it gives you a chance to do even more with it.”
He just smiled but I knew he still had his doubts.
When the bell rang, ending our conversation, the hallway outside our classroom suddenly exploded with noise. Students spilled into the corridor, their laughter and footsteps swallowing the heavy silence between us. I glanced at him and could still see it on his face—that quiet, tired look he got when something was weighing on him too much.
“Come on,” I said gently, trying to pull him out of it. “Let’s go get lunch. There’s this new café nearby. They say their sandwiches are amazing.”
He let out a short breath, almost a laugh, but there was no real humor in it. “Yeah… I could use a break.”
We started walking, but the sadness on his face didn’t fully leave. So, I nudged him with a small smile and said, “My treat, okay?”
He stopped so suddenly that I nearly did too. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m the man. I should pay.”
I frowned. “You don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do.” His voice grew sharper, more insistent. “And besides, you have money. You could use it for something better. Rent. A job. A car. Maybe even a house someday. Don’t waste it on me.”
The way he said it made my chest tighten. Like he wasn’t just refusing lunch—like he was refusing the kindness too.
I took a step closer and lowered my voice. “I want to do this for you. It’s not a waste.”
He looked away, jaw tight, as if he was fighting with himself. “You shouldn’t have to spend your money on me.”
“I’m not spending it because I have to,” I said softly. “I’m spending it because I want to. And honestly, I don’t need to save every cent for a perfect future. I’ll be staying with my mom until I’m ready to get married anyway. So, stop worrying about me.”
He stared at me for a second, frustrated and almost hurt. “No,” he said again, more firmly this time.
I sighed; I didn’t want to fight with him “okay.”
He smiled and hugged me “thanks.”
I looked away and continued to walk.
“Look Fen you’re a girl you shouldn’t be paying, and I am trying to make up for the mistakes I did when we dated. I wasn’t a good boyfriend, and I want to at least be able to be a good boy best friend.” He said holding my hand and swaying it back and forth.
“I understand.”
In the café, I noticed the wealthy kids seated together, their designer labels catching the light like armor, broadcasting expensive invincibility, exuding an air of confidence I longed for. That familiar weight in my chest, the one that showed up whenever Dad's name didn't.
“Don’t let them get to you,” Nuravo whispered as if reading my thoughts.
“Yeah,” I replied, but I couldn’t shake the knot forming in my stomach at how a single word, “rich,” had so drastically changed our world. It had turned friendships into competitions, creating divides that had never existed before.
In a moment of reflection, I blurted out, “I miss the old days. What if I give a speech about the old days for our upcoming lecture? It could have an influence.”
Back in 1949, before the Economic Divide Act—that's what they called it in history class—Layyinah really was peaceful. Everyone lived in comparable homes, went to the same schools, shared the same parks. Then came the New Currency Act, and overnight, fortunes were made from digital assets and tech investments.
I wasn’t incredibly lucky; I stayed the same. Some families struck it rich; others were left behind. Within a few years, the gap had become a chasm. Now? Now we have elite academies and regular schools, designer brands and thrift stores, the wealthy and everyone else. The word 'rich' didn't just describe money anymore—it described your entire world.
Nuravo smiled, encouraging my idea.
After we ate, I ran to school and headed to my locker. I gently pulled out my history book and found a section on 1949 labeled “Economic Divide Act.” I felt inspired. I closed the book and placed it under my armpit and went to the library to silently read the page.
Hours later it started getting late. I read what I had wrote down for the speech aloud to myself.
“Economic Divide Act: Remembering Who We Were."
A Speech by Fenera Area, Branersa Brostter Academy
Independence Day, 2039
Grade 12- History/English
Good morning, everyone.
My teacher asked us to give a speech that could change the world. I thought about that for a long time. How could anything I say change anything? I'm just seventeen. I'm just... average.
But then I remembered something my mom told me: "The most powerful thing you can do is remind people of what they've forgotten."
So today, I want to remind you of something we've all forgotten.
We used to be one.
Not the kind of freedom we celebrate on Independence Day—though that's important too. I'm talking about a different kind of freedom. The freedom to just... be. To exist without being defined by brands and products. To be friends with anyone. To dream without checking your bank account first.
I've been reading about 1949. They called it the era of "Economic Divide Act." Ninety years ago, —this island was different. Layyinah wasn't divided into neighborhoods by wealth. We didn't have "elite" schools and "regular" schools. There was just... school. There were just... people.
My history book has this passage that stuck with me: "In 1949, a child's future was determined by their potential, not their parents' portfolio."
Read that again. Their potential. Not their ZIP code. Not what brand of shoes they wore. Not whether their family could afford the "right" address.
What happened?
The Economic Divide Act. The New Currency system. Overnight, some people struck it rich on digital assets. Others were left behind. And we told ourselves it was fair. We told ourselves it was "just economics."
But it wasn't just economics. It was our souls.
We stopped seeing each other as people and started seeing each other as categories. Rich. Poor. Average. Elite.
Look around this school. How many of you have ever had a real conversation with someone from a different economic class? How many of you know the name of the kid who sits alone at lunch because they can't afford to eat out with everyone else?
I'm not saying money doesn't matter. I'm not saying we should all have the exact same things. I'm saying that somewhere along the way, we forgot that a person's worth isn't measured in dollars.
In 1949, when someone said, "I want to be your friend," they didn't first calculate if you were "worth" their time. They just... wanted to be your friend.
In 1949, when someone needed help, you helped them because they were human. Not because you might get something out of it. Not because it looked good on a college application.
We've built walls, everyone. Invisible walls. We live on the same small island, but we might as well be on different planets.
And here's what scares me most: we've started to think this is normal. We've started to think this is just "how things are."
But it's not.
Ninety years ago, we were different. Which means we can be different again.
I'm not asking you to give away all your money. I'm not asking you to feel guilty for what you have. I'm asking you to remember that we're all on this island together. We breathe the same air. We watch the same sunsets. We're supposed to take care of each other.
The founder of this island was named Layyinah Salaam. Her Layyinah is Arabic origin it means "soft" or "gentle" and Salaam is also Arabic origin it means “peace.” She believed in peace. In community. In the idea that we're stronger together than apart.
Are we honoring her legacy? Or have we forgotten what her name even means?
Independence Day is about freedom. But what's the point of being free if we're all trapped in boxes labeled by our bank accounts?
I want us to be free again. Not just politically free. But free to connect. Free to care. Free to see each other as more than economic statistics.
So, here's my challenge to all of you:
This week, talk to someone you normally wouldn't. Sit with someone new at lunch. Ask someone's name—really ask and really listen.
See them. Not as "rich kid" or "poor kid" or "average kid." Just as... a person. A soul. Someone who laughs and cries and dreams and hopes just like you do.
Because here's the truth they don't teach in economics class: The richest people in the world are the ones who are rich in connection. Rich in friendship. Rich in love.
That's what we had in 1949. That's what we lost.
And that's what we can get back—if we're brave enough to try.
Thank you for being here today and listening to what I have to say.
I placed my paper down and let out a breath. Not bad. Not great, but not bad. At least I'd practiced. Now I just had to hope someone actually listens when I gave it for real this week.
I grabbed my paper, history book, and backpack, ready to head out. But then I heard it—slow, steady clapping coming from the back of the library.
I froze. "Hello? Anyone there?"
"Yeah, someone's here."
A teen guy stepped out from behind one of the tall bookshelves, still clapping. He had dark hair that fell slightly over his eyes, a relaxed smile on his face. He wore a faded band t-shirt with jeans—nothing fancy, but he pulled it off. There was something easy about the way he moved, confident without trying too hard.
"Who are you?" I asked, gripping my backpack strap a little tighter.
He stopped a few feet away and did this ridiculous bow, like I was royalty or something. "Neco Graner. At your service."
I blinked. "Um... okay. Cool. I'm Fenera."
"I know." He straightened up, that smile still playing on his lips. "I love your name, by the way. And that speech? Really good."
"Thanks, creep."
He laughed—actually laughed, like he found my hostility entertaining. He took a step closer. "Hey, you can't blame a guy for appreciating good writing. That stuff about 'Economic Divide Act'? Man, it hit different."
Another step. Now he was close enough that I could smell his cologne. Something woodsy and clean.
"You're... really close," I said, my voice coming out a little higher than I intended.
"Oh. Sorry." He took a step back, raising his hands like he was surrendering. "My bad. Personal space. Got it."
I shifted my weight, trying to act normal. "So, you were just... lurking in the library? Listening to people practice speeches?"
"I was reading, actually. But then you started talking about connection and walls and all that, and I couldn't not listen." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Look, I know this is random, but can I get your number?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Straight to the point."
"Wait, no—I mean—" He fumbled for words. "Not like that. I mean, unless you want it to be like that, which—okay, I'm making this worse." He took a breath. "I write too. And I'm good at helping people edit their stuff. I thought maybe I could help you polish that speech before the Fourth of July. If you want."
I studied him for a second. He seemed genuine. And honestly? The speech could use another pair of eyes.
"Sure," I said, pulling out my phone. "That would be great, actually."
His whole face lit up. "Really? Cool. Yes. Impressive."
I held out my hand. "Can I see your phone?"
"Oh, right. Yeah." He pulled it from his pocket and handed it over.
We traded phones, typed in our Instagram, and handed them back.
"So..." He lingered for a second, like he wasn't sure if he should leave or stay.
"So," I echoed.
"I'll text you later. We can figure out a time to meet up?"
"Sounds good."
"Cool. Well... see you around, Fenera."
"See you around, Neco."
He gave me one last smile—this one softer, less show-off—and headed toward the library exit. I watched him go, then looked down at my phone where his contact was now saved.
Neco Graner.
Huh.
Maybe this speech thing would turn out better than I thought.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter When Shadows Ring- Chapter 2Points:
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the mortifying S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Fenera decides that she’s going to make a speech about the Economic Class Divide, calling for her peers to connect with each other despite their economic differences. She meets a boy named Neco who wants her number and a possible romance ensues. Hmm…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, then you may.
Chocolate Bar - I love how you describe Fenera’s desire to connect everyone, it feels like she’s sad about the disconnect that is going on. Her speech seemed polished and straight to the point, I like that. I also like the introduction of Neco, he seems interesting.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a fun first chapter to this story. I have enjoyed reading it and I will be certain to read the other chapters! And so now…
I wish you a magical day/night! ^v^
Hi! Eucalyptusjoos here. This is my first time reviewing a literary work of yours, but I have loved your poetry so im really excited to get to it.
I'm really liking the first four introductory paragraphs. The instance with the mother bird really sets up the narrators character as a kind, empathetic and observant person.
Very smooth usage of imagery. It was easy to picture. Small details like "frantic way she chirped", "desperate tilt", "curiosity glinting in her eyes", "slowly tore it into small pieces", the mention of the heater and the "rush of relief" really add to the worth of the work.
The parallels drawn between the mother bird and the human bird seem very personal, as if the narrator themself has gone through that experience.
"Nuravo’s story echoed my own understanding of hardship. His was a little more similar to the bird’s story though." I like how you've cleaned up this exact detail. You leave no loose ends.
I like the easy banter between the MC and Nuravo. Seems very personable and realistic.
Their argument was okay, but I think that part lacked a bit of realism. It didn't really seems like an argument or even a mild disagreement, just strange.
The speech was written very well, but started getting political.
"Independence Day is about freedom. But what's the point of being free if we're all trapped in boxes labeled by our bank accounts?" This very nice. The next line,
"I want us to be free again. Not just politically free. But free to connect. Free to care. Free to see each other as more than economic statistics." I like the definitions you've layered out.
The library part with the neco boy was a little weird. I don't know if its the em dashes or something else but it feels very similar to AI. I understand using it but i suggest keeping it separate from literature.
Obviously this plot is about a more slice-of-life, teen-drama kind of series you've planned, for which its very good.
But while few parts resonate very well, all the conversations have a glaring similarity to AI. I recommend working on that.
The use of em dashes was getting repetitive. While the descriptive parts are very well done, all the conversation seem stunted and sort of practiced, as if its a play and not real life.
I didn't really understand the significance of the title with regards to the story, seems more like a fantasy one, but maybe it'll become clearer as the work continues.
Otherwise you're all good. Very decent first chapter. Good Job <333
thanks alot
hello there!
I'll admit prose isn't my strong suit, but I wanted to check this out! I think this chapter has a very sincere premise, and it is clearly trying to braid together several forms of hunger, whether it's literal hunger or related the hunger to be seen beyond money / class. that's always neat!
The opening bird scene is a strong symbolic setup for that disparity because it gives Fenera a compassionate instinct before the story turns toward class politics. She sees a starving creature and immediately imagines a woman abandoned after childbirth, which tells us a lot about how her mind works; she does not observe suffering neutrally. I found it interesting that she translates it into human consequence. It makes her feel tender, even overly empathetic, in a way that can become narratively useful later -> I could see her empathy possibly leading her into harmful situations if she's overly trusting.
I do think symbolism is currently a little too explained though. You have many ideas: the bird, Nuravo, poverty, fatherlessness, abandonment, so on. They're all connected very directly, so the reader does not get much room to make the connection themselves. You have good material here, but the narration doesn't leave much for interpretation.
For example, Nuravo’s wealth and discomfort are interesting, especially his sense that his rich kid life feels like a costume, but the conversation becomes essayistic when Fenera explains why his life is easier. It's not a competition! Unless it is, and somehow I missed something along the way. That is not necessarily bad, because this chapter is clearly building toward her speech and her confrontation with class identity, but the dialogue would feel more natural if some of those ideas came through conflict / awkwardness / silence instead of a full explanation.
The speech itself has a clear moral argument, and I can see why it matters to Fenera. The strongest part, to me, is the idea that wealth has not only separated people materially yet has changed how they recognize each other. That is a solid theme for a YA dystopian / social drama setting. Still, I think the speech reads a little too polished and generic in places compared to Fenera’s narration -> since she is seventeen, I would love more specificity from her own life. This could be a moment at school, something she saw in the cafeteria, a friendship that changed after money entered the picture, a concrete memory of Layyinah’s divide, whatever you can come up with that feels realistic for her.
Also curious about Neco - he appears, praises the speech, asks for her number, and becomes a potential editor / romantic interest very quickly? You could slow that idea down, or push it into a later chapter. Readers aren't familiar enough with the characters to start a budding romance yet; at least, I thought it felt too sudden for where the plot was going. I'd love to see how your world would complicate or benefit their possible love story as well!
really compelling ideas so far! I wonder where Fenera will go after her speech, and I'm especially curious what conflicts will arise!
best,
cocteau
This is very helpful thanks
This chapter does a great job of setting up the contrast between Fenera’s empathy and the cold reality of her world. The bird metaphor at the start is a touching way to introduce her character, though the transition into Nuravo’s backstory is a bit fast—it's almost bananas how quickly they go from feeding birds to discussing their deep dating history!
The speech itself is powerful and makes the "Economic Divide" feel like a lived-in problem rather than just a history lesson. Neco is an intriguing addition; his chemistry with Fenera adds a nice spark to the ending. I’m curious to see how the "average" girl handles the weight of the coming war! Clear, emotional, and very readable. Just wait for next!