Published April 7, 2010
Here is something I whipped up for an adjectives assignment in English. Is it any good and what can I do to improve it? Thanks.
Words Are
When I write, words spill out of nowhere, interesting, mysterious, tragic. For me, they are like shimmering colours and each page blends a rainbow. I do not know where a story or piece of work will end up. Maybe in a dark forest itching to reveal its riddles or a dry, moonlit desert and when you read about it, the description just makes your mouth feel dry and chapped. I am like an avid reader, hankering for the next adventure, the next revealing sentence.
A book for me is a million rainbows painted each different by each word-artist. One’s words may be sponged to the page, or stroked with bright watercolours. A well-made book has a crescendo to the climax and an ending that evenly cascades to the very last punctuation mark on the clean, silky page.
Words anywhere are a soliloquy unto itself, waiting to be found or still hidden. Far away. That’s the written word according to me.
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I really like it! Especially the end,
"Words anywhere are a soliloquy unto itself, waiting to be found or still hidden. Far away. That’s the written word according to me."
That was lovely to read, and was a super effective ending in my opinion.
You painted such beautiful images in this piece of writing. They were so incredibly vivid in my mind and I enjoyed letting myself sink into the poem and let it wash over me.
I really liked how you created pictures through words, and gave it a slight sense of intimacy through sentences such as "The next revealing sentence".
I loved this, and am looking forward to seeing what else you come up with!
Bye for now!
- Vex
this whole thing reminds me of my own dealings with writings. xD
everything is really pretty in the way you described things. honestly, i loved it. especially this one. it gives you such a gorgeous mental picture. it's how i imagine words to be.
and this is an english assignment? jealous, i want to do that too. T^T
anyways, keep up the good work!
~laynie <3
This reminds of what Shakespeare once told me in private. Nicely written, I cried a little. Good job, good job!
thank you so much!!! i knew it was good because I got an A from my english teacher
Thanks again for all the feedback. It seems there is little to be done with this. I'm kind of going through a short story/expressive phase. I like writing things like this and will probably continue to do so.
Thanks.
awesome. Very descriptive, well thought out, and, most of all, truthful! Words can turn into anything with a little imagination, and you certainly seem to get the idea. Keep writing!
Adjectives assignment: We had to create a very descriptive paragraph (explains the over-usage of adjs).
I appreciated them very much!
And it was to be short
Thanks for all the comments
I don't quite understand what you mean by an 'adjectives assessment' - hey, note that I'm from NZ, and haven't got anything of the sort here. If it means what I think it means, then this is what I think: pretty much showing off your amazing abilities to use adjectives. However, a word of caution: adjectives, like adverbs, like all word classes that conjure up images in our minds, are not to be overused, not to be abused, not to be used for the sake of using. Grandiloquence sounds over-the-top, like the author is trying too hard to paint it in our minds - as if he/she has already painted it, and is dancing around in front of our face wearing nothing but his canvas painting, shouting at the top of his lungs, 'Hey! Yoohoo! Look at this! Look at this! Look at my unbelievable, indescribable, colourful, shimmering, bubbling, quivering, magnificent, beautiful, tangible, summery, ice-creamy, painting of awesomeness!!!!!' Ugh.
. However, I would not recomment putting more than three adjectives in a row - that's about as much as most people can handle, and a good enough number to give your sentence a good flow. Your first para is very imaginative, very colourful, (notice I only used two adjectives there!!!), but be careful not to list too much - it's kind of annoying after a while.
In your first line, you have used your adjectives in a good order - first the nouns, then the adjective. Gold star for that
Your second para - actually, i didn't even read that properly, and I've tried four times. I think I know why: it reads like a poem. My eyes just slur over it and I get the general idea. I honestly think that : a. You should rework that para so it's actually readable and b. that you should try your hand at poetry if you do not already because MY GOD, there were some fantastical images there!
Ah, yes, the ending. It needs to be fixed. It needs to end with a brilliant bang, something that we can grasp in our hands and carry away with us at the end of the piece, however short it is. Think about your overall message, and firstly, incorporate it everywhere into the story, and secondly, finish off your piece with a flourish.
Haha, I like it
I like how you've described everything. Unfortunately, for me, this didn't have anything really to review because it was too short, but fortunately for you because it was very good. It was great and I hope you got a good grade on it, because I'd give you an A-... because it was short. 
Love,
Fixed
Its cool!
Very interesting and discriptive for a young person!
Well I can't exactly say much because Im the same age...
But, Its good that someone knows how lucky we are to have words...
Love it!
Smexx