Chapter 1
“I’ll save you a dance”
The breeze on her cheeks was refreshing as she stepped out of the silver Subaru Forester driver’s seat. The wind blew her golden hair around and into her slightly freckled face. Her legs, long for a short person like her, looked like a model’s as she walked confidently away from her car and locking her car without looking back. Her sister walked hurriedly from the other side of the car looking through her purse for the invitation only id card. Her brunette colored haired sister, stepped briskly towards the cabin looking structure ahead of her.
Soiree Lodge, even though it had a cabin outside, inside was the most modern dance and bar rooms you had ever seen. Everything was so clean and brisk. The floors sparkled and you could even eat of them if you wanted to, but I would not recommend this activity. The outside looked magnificent, a porch with two stairways on each side, was the place for smokers to hang out. The two sisters could see many famous faces smoking on the porch, laughing and drinking as well. The front door was an arch and had large and beautiful clear glass doors. The inside had the normal hot tub room, spa, dance room, and bar. There was even a pool on the roof. So much to do, in so little time, was all the blond sister could think about.
Ah, yes, there it was. Soiree Lodge, a place thought of as a refuge for all famous peoples alike, whether you be an actor or royalty. Although the blond and brunette sisters were not royalty, they definitely had been invited specifically for the person this party was being put on for. Their friend, Georgia Maclain, was a famous actress and played in many movies such as, Mixed Up, The Turnout, Georgia Girl (She starred as herself), and Survival in the Sahara. This special day was her birthday and her boyfriend, knowing as how much she wanted to see her childhood friends, arranged for them to come surprise Georgia on birthday at Soiree Lodge.
The actress had been the sisters’ childhood friend. She was closer in age to the brunette, yet she still held a special love for the younger and blond one.
“Fern,” the brunette snapped at the blond as they crossed the road.
“Sandy,” Fern mimicked the voice spoken by her sister.
“Stop strutting like that, you are being gawked at.” Sandy scowled with a determined look on her freckled face.
“Well excuse me, but I can’t take all the credit,” Fern smiled up at her tall, slim, and greatly postured sister.
Sandy rolled her eyes but took no heed. No other man could interest her other than her boyfriend Victor Harris. Those two had been dating for so long, Fern felt like Victor was a brother. Sometimes both he and Fern would gang up on Sandy in a teasing way. He completed Sandy’s serious attitude. He was a funny and happy-go-lucky guy, she brought back things to reality.
Fern studied her sister’s profile as they got closer to the lodge. Sandy’s face always had the look of being peeved, stressed, and serious at the same time. Her sister wore a pale light blue suit coat and skirt that came down to her knees. Her sister wore white flats, she had always insisted on wearing flats because her height. Her long brunette hair had been taken up into a beautifully maneuvered bun and little white and blue flowers stuck out from within her hair. Sandy wore little to no makeup and she definitely did not need it.
The two sisters came to the porch steps of the Soiree Lodge ready to embark into a world in which they definitely did not belong. Fern could definitely not wait to see their old friend, Gloria. The night was still young, and perhaps it would prove to be an interesting one.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The angel in red with bright blond hair was absolutely stunning. He had never seen her before and yet, where had she been all of his life? She walked next to a tall woman with brown hair and blue colored clothes, but the actor barely noticed the other woman. This angel had the most beautiful smile he had ever seen in his twenty six years. He smoked his cigarette with a smile trying to think of a clever line to catch her attention. Her red dress was not tight fitting or revealing and his mind was left to it’s imagination. He liked that in a woman. Why show off so much skin? And yet, here he was not acting like his normal self... Sure he was a flirt, but he did not even know this beautiful woman. She had her golden hair pulled back with a sparkly headband with a bow on the side. Her pearl earrings and necklace completed her outfit quite nicely with her silver heeled shoes. Her sister bounced up the stairs with a serious expression and he thought for a minute that she gave him a look.
The angel eyed the stairs as she tried to walk with her shoes but her right shoe fell off. He was there in a heartbeat, lifting her heel for her to place her foot back into. She gave him a surprised look and then smiled her beautiful smile.
“Thank you, kind sir,” she said as she allowed him to help her.
“Ah, no trouble miss, I was hoping to be graced by your kind smile is all,” he said and he thought he would make her blush.
“Well, looks like you got it. Hope to see you inside, I’ll save you a dance,” she grinned and flounced after the brunette, towards the doors.
The man had to stop and pause for a second. How ever so nice. She would save him a dance, well then.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Fern stepped out from security after her sister. Her sister shot her a dirty look as a man motioned for them to follow him.
“What?” Fern asked in the most innocent voice she could pull.
“I thought we talked about your flirtatious manners in a place like this Fern, no need to get stuck with a couple of actors on your tail now would we?” Sandy said accusingly but tried to make a joke of it.
Sandy scowled, her sister had no humor at all. This was how actors and actresses rolled. Their lives were full of shallow flirts, one nighters, and many more immoral actions her sister would consider so. Why not at least play along at their game? Show them up at least? Oh, Sandy knew she did not have to worry about her, she would not be doing any embarrassing activities of the sort. That was not her nature. She had class and pose with her flirtatious attitude.
Fern tried to brush off her sister’s comment as they were led past a room full of people and a familiar looking man giving a speech. She probably would not see that actor on the porch steps again. He looked familiar but she did not recognize him.
The sisters were brought behind the stage and listened to the man speaking. He was Dan Freedman, Gloria’s long time boyfriend of two years. That was a long time in the celebrity world. Dan Freedman was a famous singer from the band called Forkless. Personally, Fern did not like his music. Sandy loved it, obviously, because he was Gloria’s boyfriend and she could brag about that. Lately, in most of the gossip magazines, they were saying Gloria and Dan were going through a couple of rough patches. Would this be the reason why Dan was giving such a massive party for Gloria? To try to heal their differences and move on?
“And since Gloria lives such a busy life on the road and behind the cameras, I thought it would be nice for her to see her old childhood friends Sandy and Fern Trent, all the way from Ryme, New Hampshire. Come on out girls,” Dan Freedman said and the curtain opened revealing the two shy sisters standing there squinting at the light.
Fern’s eyesight fell on two figures on the stage. Gloria always had a few extra pounds she could have lost and she was tall as well. She had beautifully natural curly dark brown hair with a beauty mark near her lips. She wore a good amount of make-up and she had beautiful sparkly diamond necklace and earrings to compliment her white face. She wore a light pink tight fitted dress that came to three inches above her knee. Her shoes were silver studded heels and she had an off white cardigan on her shoulders. She smiled at them with tears in her eyes while running to them.
Dan Freedman seemed a bit disappointed. What? Was she supposed to hug you and kiss you before saying hello to us? Fern thought disgustedly giving him a quick glare. He always grossed her out. So many women threw themselves at him and she always wondered how he could even stay so faithful to Georgia with all of these women around. He had blond hair with beautiful blue eyes. He was muscular with a slim frame. He wore a leather jacket, with a white buttoned shirt and a red tie, with dark jeans. Fern Trent did not fall under his charming spell. Fern Trent had a dumping list, and she always compared her friend’s boyfriends to her dump list. One requirement was, “If he flirts with other people dump him.” Dan Freedman definitely fell on the dump list.
She sighed feeling Georgia’s arms wrap around her and bringing her back to the present. She was just happy to be visiting her good friend she had not seen in four years. She hoped the night would soon be over. Unfortunately, she would be dead wrong.
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Canary word: Present
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This sounds great! I loved the premise and the whole idea is very interesting. I like the sister's relationship and liked their characters, I thought they were extremely well done.
There were just a few things I wanted to point out and ask about.
Firstly, I'm not sure if I'm just confused but... their friend's name... is it Gloria or Georgia? Because I'm fairly sure you say it's both.
- Her brunette colored haired sister, stepped briskly towards the cabin looking structure ahead of her.
Here you don't really need to say that she was her 'colored haired sister.' Rather you could just say, "Her brunette sister stepped briskly towards the cabin..."
- So much to do, in so little time, was all the blond sister could think about.
When it's her thoughts, it might be better to make it in italics because it's clear to the reader.
- knowing as how much she wanted to see her childhood friends
There isn't really any need for the 'as'. You could just say, "knowing how much she wanted..."
- arranged for them to come surprise Georgia on birthday at Soiree Lodge
You often mention the name of the place which isn't really all that important, but there isn't much need to do it because your descriptions are awesome enough that you get where everything's going. And because you know it's her birthday, you can also reasonably assume that they're surprising her for her birthday so you don't really have to add that.
- The actress had been the sisters’ childhood friend. She was closer in age to the brunette, yet she still held a special love for the younger and blond one.
You mentioned they were friends already so you could just say, "The actress was closer in age to the brunette, yet she still held a special love for the younger and blond one."
Although, that sentence is a little awkward. You perhaps could say: "The actress was close in age to the oldest sister, yet she still held a special love for the youngest, golden haired one."
- He was a funny and happy-go-lucky guy, she brought back things to reality. Fern studied her sister’s profile as they got closer to the lodge.
That was really quick. You go from her being in thought to snapping back, which is fine but you don't really need to say it. Instead you could just say something like: "He was a funny and happy-go-lucky guy. Sighing, Fern studied her sister's profile as they got closer to the lodge."
- Her sister wore white flats, she had always insisted on wearing flats because her height.
I think adding 'of' in between 'because' and 'her'.
- Sandy scowled, her sister had no humor at all.
Did you mean Fern?
- Sandy loved it, obviously, because he was Gloria’s boyfriend and she could brag about that.
I wasn't sure if you actually meant that Sandy enjoyed the bragging rights because she was friends with Gloria/Georgia therefore could claim she knew the band or what... but yeah, I was just confused.
- Fern’s eyesight fell on two figures on the stage.
Did you mean Gloria/Georgia looked on stage? Because I thought the girls were on stage already.
Anyway, I hope you don't get scared off because I really did like it and would love to see more! Thanks for a great chapter!
Hi there!
This is definitely an interesting story.

Oh my gosh, I'm so into this! I mean, I really love to read fantasy and action stuff, but I have a soft spot when it comes to romance and stuff
I think this is very well written. I know exactly what every character looks like, except for maybe Dan. I can't remember if you described him. Anyway, I like your descriptions. You fit them in so effortlessly and without messing with the flow of the story. One thing you didn't describe however, was where the party was being held at. A night club? A fancy restaraunt?
Your characters are great. I really like the idea of having the two sisters have opposite personalities. It creates great tension and sets up for many, many arguments in the future (if they do argue a lot, you know). And I can't wait to learn more about this mystery fellow. I wonder if he'll fall for Fern or if she'll just end up being another one night stand.
As for grammar and spelling, there were a few mistakes I found here and there, but I wasn't going to go all grammar nazi on you 1) because this is your first piece and I don't want to scare you off ^_^ and 2) I have to leave soon so I really don't have time to give a good review. If you go back and read over this again carefully, I'm sure you'll find them. They're not hard to pick out.
I really did enjoy this. It's a great start. Please let me know when you add another chapter. Post the link on my wall. I definitely want to read more!
Keep writing.
**Noelle**