Just a few paragraphs

Hey there, Lantern,

I'd like to start by saying this is an interesting scene, like a snapshot of a character's life, which is pretty cool. It's not packed with action, but it paints the picture quite well, and the creepy leaves you hanging, with a nice parallel to the rest of the scene.

That said, I have a few suggestions for how this could be improved. My first has to do with adjectives. You use quite a lot of them in this piece, and while adjectives are useful tools, sometimes there are other ways to say the same thing that help paint a better picture in the reader's mind. For example, rather than saying the girl is greasy-haired, you could describe her brushing a greasy strand out of her face. Or, rather than saying "the naked little girl", you could include mention of how the deer felt on her naked skin, and how much bigger than her the deer is. Including things like this in the action helps the reader imagine the look and feel of the scene much more vividly.

Sort of linked into the above point is something you have maybe heard far too many times - the 'writer's mantra' of "Show Don't Tell". The adjectives are 'telling' the reader that the girl is naked, whereas talking about the feel of things on skin would be 'showing' that she is naked. This comes in as a very important factor when talking about a character's feelings or thoughts - for example, in this piece, you tell us that the girl doesn't like heights put puts up with them, and that she's been missing her mother. These things feel a little 'tell-y', and ideally we want to make them 'show-y', because that way we can get the reader to really 'feel' them. So, if the girl has been missing her mother for a few hours, why not mention the mother nearer the beginning - perhaps the girl worries about whether her mother is okay, or reminds herself that if she takes this kill she can get back to her mother, or helps to push away the fear of heights by pretending her mother is soothing her. These things would tell us about how the girl relates to her mother, without saying it outright, and thus help us relate to the character a little more.

Finally, I'd just like to talk about sentence lengths. All of the sentences in this piece run towards the longer end of the scale, and while there's nothing wrong with using long sentences, it helps to vary your sentence length a bit. This is particularly noteworthy in action scenes - when the action gets fast, make the sentences snappier. So, you might have some longer sentences for the quiet and calm before the attack, and some short, punchy ones to reflect the wrestling between girl and deer. This isn't a hard-and-fast "short sentences in action scenes, not a long one in sight", but something to think about in revisions - if all your sentences are about the same length, consider mixing it up a bit.

That's all I have to say for now. I hope this has been of some use to you; if you'd like me to clarify any of the points I've made, or if you want me to go through and do a spelling-and-grammar nitpick, then please feel free to get in touch. (I advise a site PM rather than a wall post, as I'll get a notification for the former, and I'm not good at keeping an eye on my wall.)

Happy writing!
Cadi x

Wow! This is wild, gritty, and very very much alive. I loved the scene, it almost reminded me of something I had written years ago (only it was a dragon hunting a deer). There were a few things I noticed though. Remember that it often takes hours to skin just one deer, it would help if you tried to create a better sense of the passing time. Also, this girl would have to be incredibly strong. Lifting a deer, even one that is young, is quite a task. They are much heavier than they look. I know, I have had to drag one before and it is nearly impossible with just one person. >.< Not to mention after all those hours of skinning and cleaning.
Speaking from experience, If I was in your girls situation I would have tried to build some sort of sled from branches to make dragging easier. ...That is unless of course you mean for her to have super human strength, which is perfectly awesome.