I promise

Thanks to everyone for reviews and kind words I haven't edited the work yet, but I think I will change what you all suggested. Thanks again for the input!

Hi there. There really isn't a need to "tear apart" your poem because it is really good. I will however try to give you a solid and concrete review!

What I liked:

1. The idea. You got the meaning of this poem and hit it right on the nose. Okay well maybe the cheek but that is actually a good thing. With this kind of mood and tone you set you left it up to the reader to decide what some parts of the poem mean, but you set the boundries right where they needed to be.

2. The repitition. Saying "I promise" and where you put it was brilliant. You can't always keep your promises but in this sense and in this poem you wrote it like you really mean to keep what ever you have promised. I love it and it added to the poem tremendously.

What I didn't like.

1. I believe it was mentioned in one of your earlier reviews, but get rid of some of the eyes in "and green eyes will skip brown eyes to find blue eyes" too many eyes.

2. The flow. It was a bit off for me. You had it nice and at a good pace and then the one word or two word lines (except for the I promise) cut it too short making the flow become choppy. I would recomend perhaps putting some of the two liners together and seprating them with a comma.

Overall:
This was a really good piece. I love the idea and it is a very refreashing take on such a sorrowful subject. Great job and keep writing!

Wow. This is beautiful. I really do like the mysterious feeling I was left with. I really do wish that this was longer, or had a second part. But I guess that's the thing with poems. You make your own story out of them. But I was really intrigued by this. I have never actually seen a poem like this. Very unique. Keep this up. It's really amazing.

That was beautiful. It left me wondering hoping that there will be more. Is the promise a lie or what. I wish it was longer or had a sequel. I just want to know what happens. Please write more.

Ohohoho! Awesome. Some poem. Such grate and peace and serenity is felt here. Again awesome. It's awesomely beautiful. (I think I should as awesome more) :$:
Anyway.... This poem is great because well, I think no all promises can be kept, and yet this person manages to keep their promises. Or atleast I think they do, that's just a feeling I get from this poem. Keep up the great work,
~Dark. (Awesome....)

I love this poem. It tells a wonderful story within the poem. I got a bit confused at one point but I really loved it. Many people can relate to this poem so it makes it a better poem. I like the style of writing and I really like the way you wrote this. The structure was nice. It is a very unique poem. Nice Work.

I like this poem. It tells a story in a promise. kind of sweet. But i'm kind of confused about that last part. Does it mean the girl will ignore one person to see the other? I think in it's own way that might explain something in this world that not everyone can see. I disagree with Nargles. That part sounds fine, except for the part that in'm confused with it.

Hey,
This is really good. It tells a really sad yet really great story.
So, the pros and cons of this poem.

Pros-
The way you described the story is fantastic, you allow the reader to understand what happens by making them feel as if they are part of it.
You have some great description which helps with the emotion and mood of the poem.
I also really liked the way you used repitition, it is very easy to over use it to a point it gets boring and losses all meaning, but you have used it the perfect amount.

Cons-
You have a structure which for me reads weirdly. While I understand that mat just be me, I think you should cleam that up. It should read nice and flow easily. At the moment I am unsure where to start and stop, while you do have punctuation it can still be hard at points. Just work on cleaning that up.

Also, you don't need to repeat 'red' twice in the 9 line, it doesn't add to the poem. You could however change one of them to another word which would bring more to the description.

"Perhaps she'll come too
and green eyes will skip brown eyes to find blue eyes"
Here you should get rid of an eye, we know you are talking about eyes so you don't need to repeat it. Try:
"Perhaps she'll come too,
and green eyes will skip brown eyes to find blue/ blue ones." For me, it just feels a lot better and changes it up a bit.

Lastly, watch the flow, it does flow rather well but a few places it lacks. Just mix a few words up here and there, similar to what I did above.

Overall-
You have a fantastic piece, it reminds me a bit of how I write. Just fine tune it a little and it will be fantastic.
Great job and keep writing!

Nargles xxx

Wow. I really liked your poem! The repetition of "I promise" was perfect and it wasn't overly repetitive where it makes the poem bad. I actually would of likes the poem even more if you added another stanza. Your imagery was great and the format of the poem was excellent. Overall a great poem