Young Writers Society

Hey! Rachelle here. I just wanted to say, that I think this poem was a good start. There are definitely different ways for you to improve. First off, you abandoned the format you had this poem in at the last few lines. It through off the rhythm of the poem and you need to revise it so that there are groups of two lines. It was confusing.

Overall, it was a cute poem. You rhyme sometimes and then sometimes you don't. You should pick one or the other, but don't have it both ways.

I liked this poem. I hope to see it improve.

Best of luck,
Rachelle

Hello there!

So, before I get into my critiquing- which I'm really bad at- I just want to say how much I love this poem as a reader. It's just.. ah I don't know how to explain it. Everyone in my theater class had to find a poem to memorize and recite to the class. So, I hope you don't mind, I picked this one! You are a wonderful poet and I hope you continue to write like this!

Onto the other, not-so-nice stuff: the critique.

So, to begin, my inner editor would like a word with yours. Or a fist fight. Or a street brawl. First of all, May is a month. May should be capitalized. But, instead, you chose to write it as 'may'. You are not asking if you may be a fairy, you goofball! You ARE a fairy- in May, nonetheless. Which brings me to my next issue.

You're talking about being a fairy. Tell me, then, why you suddenly jumped to talking about your reader?

"Stars shining in your eyes,
I feel happiness overflowing,"

.... THIS ISN'T ABOUT US. This is about you as whole- all of you fairies. What do fairies do? DO they fly about, creating mischief? Do they protect nature, as many might assume? What missions are they on? Do they dance in the sun? or do they prefer the moon-lit night, where they're less likely to be discovered? Paint a picture. Even if you don't say all these things, I should, as a reader, get an understanding of them.

My last issue is another inner editor smack-down. Dancing should be capitalized. Always should be capitalized. Just should be capitalized. Do you know why...?

THEY BEGIN A LINE OF THE POEM.

That's a pretty basic rule.

Also, love should probably not be capitalized.

Alright, that's all i can think of that are negatives! Now, for the happy, positive me that doesn't listen to my inner editor.

I like your rhyme scheme here. It's very well planned, though stanza four kinda threw me off. I actually like how you have the ninth line phrased.

"Sun is on rise, and love is growing."

I think it's very well done. Grammar doesn't always matter in a poem, and "Sun is on the rise" really doesn't fit what you have here.

Keep writing!

Hi Laloifi!
As I was browsing through the Browse I saw this cute little title and decided to read it.
When I first started reading it the first stanza just caught my attention.
"We are delicate flowers,
dancing in the sun,"
Its a very sweet metaphor! I can see little colorful flowers floating in a summer's day. Great imagery!
The next stanza makes me feel less float-y and think that fairies are very "I don't care" kind of relax chilled (sorry if that doesn't make sense) and now I feel I appreciate them more thinking that they are on some kind of mission, doing some good for me.
The third stanza has a nice ring to it. Nice rhymes.
The fourth stanza is a break from the fairies, I like how you add me in there though I don't really understand my part in the poem. Maybe you should make that a bit clearer? It's nice though! It makes me feel good.
The next three lines are short, breaking the structure of the poem. "Sun is on the rise, and Love is growing." It's a little ambiguous. I need it to be clearer. It keeps the theme of the poem still.
"This feeling in here to stay,
We are fairies in may"
Very cute, nice rhyme. One thing though, you need to capitalize the 'M' in May. It is correct grammar.
~All in all~
Beautiful poem! Nice imagery, rhyme, and structure. Needs to be more clear, but that's it.
Thank you for the poem! Hope I helped!
Siona

Hey Laloifi! Dogs here with your review today! Ok so this is a very good poem and there are some great aspects to this, you are one of the few people that pull of the simple but god near impossible task of writing a shorter poem and conveying a simple though with a good balance of imagry and description. Your imagery in this poem is great, I love it, being mainly an imagist poet myself I really look for this style of writing in peoples poems and urge them towards it but you have hit it right on the nail so props to you for that.

So just a few nitpics that I thought I should point out really quickly, lets start gramatically. Firstly I like the lay out you have here grammatically because most people just captalize the first letter in every sentence and usually don't use much grammar if any and that really drives me insane but I really like how you've set your writing up. But really quickly when you say:

"Sun is on rise"

I think you should just add one more little word here just to help the rhythm out and maybe say: "sun is on the rise"

furthermore in the last line you say: "We are fairies in may," may should be May because it is a month.

So that's it for grammar, very few notes there but now I really love the poem as it is but I think maybe you should add in a little more because there are a few dots that remain empty and can be a little confusing to the reader, for example what is the purpose of the faires in may? Whats the point of the Fairies? The way you have it going here with the vaguness is good but maybe just a little bit too vague, try adding in a tiny but more, maybe talk about what the fairies are called for? When there is a heart break or when they need someone to fall in love with someone else. What do the fairies do? And what is the significance of the month May if there is any. Fill in those small details and you'll be home free

This is a great poem and I really like it but it just needs a tiny bit more. Keep up the good work!!!!

TuckEr EllsworTh