z

Young Writers Society



Behind your Shadow

by Ladyequine91


Growing up behind your shadow,
I never knew how hard it could be.
Sufficating under your glory,
It's funny, no one seems to see.
I hide my pain from everyone, only my anger ever shows.
The was i cry myself to sleep at night,
No one will ever understand.
Now your all grown up,
And i'm still "young" and "immature."
Your making college choices,
Heaven forbid that you are unsure.
Our life has moved from a center light,
To a spotlight in your honor.
I could spend my life being negative,
But i wont even bother.
Ihe time will come, when it is I
Whom everyone adores.
As for this story on our life,
I must close the doors.

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170 Reviews

Points: 1090
Reviews: 170

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Thu Jan 26, 2006 3:19 am
antigone wrote a review...



Hmmm....

Minor nitpicks first:
I hide my pain from everyone, only my pain ever shows.
That line confuses me. It seems to contradict itself.

and i'm stil "young" and "Immature."
still. And capitalize neither or both in the quotes. Just typos I'm sure.

the time will come, when it is I,
I don't think you need a comma at the end.

As for this story on our life,
Of our life, perhaps?

As for this story on our life,
I must close the doors.
I love that ending. Very cool image.

The only other things I would suggest would to be more consistent in capitalizing, of 'I', for example, and at the starting of lines. And you don't aways need punctuation at the end of every line.

Your rhyming is great, it doesn't seem forced or sing-songy. I like the message of the poem and as I said, the ending is awesome.
So nice job! Sorry if I seemed harsh. I really like it.
:)





*gestures in butterfly meme*
— BluesClues