It Doesn't Feel Like Christmas

hi jade!

i'm going to be reviewing your short story c:

first of all, lemme say: i love the beginning. it feels like the beginning of an animated chirstmas movie, as if the scene is being shot from far away and slowly zooming into the city, then the neighborhood, then the window of the house the main character lives, and you can almost see those delicate snowflakes falling from the sky and just - ah, wonderful

but not so wonderful for thomas because it doesn't feel like christmas :(

Bits of stuffing was scattered around him as he eagerly opened the small box with shaking hands, his eyes studied the familiar print that was exclaiming about how their brand of cigarettes was recommended by three out of five doctors.

The notes’ contents were filled with compassion, littered with “I miss you”, and decorated in tear-stains that blotted the ink.

“The hell?” Mark shouted, stirring a few more men as he surveyed Thomas, obviously looking for bruises or life-threatening cuts.

As everyone seemed to be letting their guard down, the barn door opened and German’s stormed in, stopping dead in their tracks at the empty building.

It finally felt like Christmas.

This was great. I mean it. In fact, this feels like something that might appear in a textbook, if it were a bit longer (school stuff is always long...). The only issues with this short story are mostly grammatical ones, which you can easily fix.

In the first paragraph, there needs to be a comma before "casting."

Since you already said Thomas' name in the previous sentence, "Thomas sat by his bed" can be "He sat by his bed." The comma before "his eyes studied" should be a period.

A "but" needs to be included in the clause "footprints ruined the purity of white snow."

Also, the apostrophe in "German's stormed in" is probably just a typo.

That's about everything. Honestly, I was scared the American troops might die at the end, and I'm glad they didn't.

Hey LadyVendetta!

Thanks so much for entering the Holiday Writing Contest. I hope you enjoyed writing your story as much as I enjoyed reading it and putting the competition together. What I loved the most about this story was how it brought me into Thomas's world. I felt his of isolation and despair, and I felt his joy when he and his fellow soldiers were finally safe. I also thought you did a great job of setting the scene of this snowy European village. I also loved this bit:

Though he may not be hanging ornaments on the Christmas tree, or roasting chestnuts with his wife, he finally felt okay.

Hey, there. This is a cool little historical fiction short story. I like how you make it feel real by giving a glimpse of insight into the men's lives and their emotional ties. Also, your use of what I'm assuming is actual German is great. It signifies knowledge and/or good research on your part.

There were a few grammatical errors, so watch out for those. Mostly, pay attention to proper sentence structure.

Overall I like this work, and I commend you on your project!

This is a good story, I really liked the progression and the heartfelt theme of it despite the setting it's in. One thing I'd change is the repetition of words, like the word something, u seem to use that one a lot. And one more part that I found confusing was the place where the fight took place, like I know they are in the barracks, and u say barn doors after that, which I'm guessing is the barracks doors bc that's where the soldiers are..? And then like r they just celebrating right in front of a bunch of dead German soldiers? Like if if that's normal then it's ok but it seemed a little weird lol. But overall, it's a very cute story, and my heart definitely jumped when Mark got shot ah. nice job )