Published June 27, 2011
THEY SAY THAT YOU NEVER TRUELY LIVE UNTIL YOU HAVE FOUND SOMETHING TO DIE FOR.
My name is Bryleigh Nicole Davis, and I lived for the something that could kill me. Love. I fell in love, and for the first time I felt truly alive. But everyone knows that if you fall, there is a chance of getting hurt. Fall off your bite, scrape your knees. Fall from a tree, break an arm. Fall off a building, lose you life. Yet, there is one thing more painful then the rest. If you fall in love, you'll get your heart broken, ripped straight from your chest, a feeling worse then dying. And you still live on, but not really, everything looks different after you've lost your heart. I would know. But I'm getting way to far ahead of myself, my story starts way before I even knew what love was.
Bryleigh Nicole Davis, just a normal girl. I sing in the shower, complain about homework, hang out with friends. I was so normal.
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140,238 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this one makes for a very interesting prologue, although honestly, on first glance, I would honestly peg this as working out better if this was the first couple of paragraphs from a novel rather than what this is at the moment here. Anyway, moving past the whole idea of what this should be let's dive into the actual content.
I love that first line, its very powerful and immediately it catches your attention...but, we've gotta get rid of all that capslock, that's a line that's really powerful all on its, the caps lock there just makes it look a bit weird a best, it doesn't do much to emphasize anything, fully capitalized words in stories have to be reserved for certain rather limited places so they can truly have some power, something like this to open things off robs it of its power.
The second little montage of memories here is quite well done, you get the sense of someone that's quickly reliving some bad experiences in their life and you can sort of feel the anticipation build as you the reader as the question of how all of this will come to be...so that's a pretty good job there. Then there's the ending, which I think sounds a teensy bit rushed but for that most part its not bad. Overall, as a prologue, this one isn't too bad, its got just a couple of points to iron out, its just that I mostly have to say that this could be doing so much better if this was used as the start to a first chapter.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
You've got an interesting start, and I'm rather curious as to why Bryleigh wasn't normal anymore. The only complaint I have about this is the opening line. While it's fine that you have it in all caps, maybe it'd be better to put it in bold or italics, or bold and italics, that way it will stand out and not seem like you're yelling. Do you know what I mean?
Anyway, you're off to a good start, even though it's a little short. Maybe the shortness will work for it though. Anyway, hope this helped, and keep writing!
Hi Lady RaRa,
So your prologue was pretty decent, it didn't give me too much of anything, other than the fact the the story is about a girl who get's her heart broken.
Okay, so I really liked how descriptive your character was of a broken heart, I could kind of feel her pain. A prologue is supposed to pull you in and a story about another girl getting her heart broken is kind of cliche, you might want to try adding something unique or intriguing to pull us in. Just a suggestion. Put since it's the prologue I don't know much about your writing style or story so I'll keep reading and I'll probably have been in error, lol.
~Dakota Knight