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Canary word: Present
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
it's criminal that this doesn't have at least 50 likes already
AGREED! All of LadyBug's poems should have at least 50 likes minimum!!
Hey friend!! It is always wonderful to read your poetry, so I was so happy to see that you had published a new poem this morning. Let's jump right into the review:
The first thing that I noticed, technically speaking, was the organized but relaxed formatting you used. Our words seem to slide down and down, giving an organized structure, but we dont use some capitals on 'I' or apostrophes, although we do have some capitals. I really liked this and how it looks!
I love how you talk about chain smoking, or doing something that we see as damaging to our bodies, but you ask that question of "which one will be too much?". We can see this applied to so much in life, whether it is a damaging behavior or addiction, like smoking or drinking or doing drugs, or something more emotional, like dealing with a person who hurts you/you hurt them.
That phrase of drunk epiphanies becoming sober recollections really stood out to me. I can see this being applied to both big and small things, important and not important. In a way, all of the thoughts in this poem could even be applied to that line. I love how both of our what appear to be 'lines of text' or different 'levels' both end with questions. This feels like a compilation of drifting thoughts, past and present.
Overall, this was easy to follow along with because of the formatting and length and the depth of the words. Fantastic work, as always!
Your friend,
Ellie
Hey, it's Serrurie, here to leave a review! This is a pretty short poem so I won't be too long. Let's dive in:
The Good Stuff
-Wow, you have a way with words. This is really beautiful, and I think it's interesting how the poem is more horizontal.
- Despite there not being too much description, you've definitely set the scene and created a great atmosphere. It reminds me of a dark night in a motel, playing poker (that may be too specific, but I feel like that's what it gives off)
Room For Improvement
- I couldn't feel too much of the sadness you were trying to convey, and even though your writing is beautiful, I think this is to blame on the formatting (I just wasn't sure to go left to right or up and down)
- This was a great poem! I like the dark atmosphere and how it feels conversational. Keep up the good work!
Serrurie