Published May 14, 2019
NOTE: The * and + both tell different stories. It's a mix kind of from two points of view where the voices cross paths at some points. Imagine two creepy, echoy voices. XD
*Small ransom notes and broken promises.
+Jump over the pool of blood.
*I hope you don't take me for granted.
+Crawl under the twisted wants.
*Though you know I'll be here forever.
+Swim through all the bitter tears.
*We both love all of the wrong things.
+We don't take it for granted.
*This side of crazy, gone too fast in the car!
+One word and you're behind bars.
*The higher their rise, the greater they fell.
+But you trust me not to tell.
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141,687 Literary Works • 675,575 Reviews
Heya Jade!
Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on. I'm here to give you a review, like you asked for here all those months ago. I'm so sorry this is so late!
Anyways, I like this poem. The way you've got two people talking in one poem, is very nice. And honestly, it gave me goosebumps.
Goosebumps why? 1) You've got a gloomy feel to this, but then when I read the * part, it gets better. And then I go to the + part, it's like... Dx ya know? I like it. 2) Because it's got a lyric-y feel to it too, and if I have some sad-ish song behind the scenes or something... I don't know how to describe it, but it gave me goosebumps.
Anyways, I had a couple things I wanted to point out, before I wrap up this review~
This sentence kinda sounds off? The car part doesn't really fit. I don't get what it's supposed to mean, unless I'm missing something??
I think the tense over here is kinda flippity-flop. I know what you mean here, but, I honestly think it'd work better if you wrote, "The higher they rise, the greater they fall." Something like that. And I don't think "their" would work here either.
Alright, I'm done my review. I hope this helps in some sort of way! If you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever.
Keep on writing!
~Liberty
Thank you!
Of course.
I'm getting visions of two criminal pals doing crazy things like crazy people together...And they're expecting the other to follow along with them always.
Thank you, that's sort of what I envisioned when I wrote this
That was really cool. I like that double voice for sure! Like watching an intimate secret
Thank you!
JadeLotus
Hello, I;m Ishan and I'm here for a review of your poetry called 'I Hope You Don't Take Me For Granted (This Side of Crazy)'. Here is my understanding of your work:
I liked your poem, especially, the way it is structured.Using the addition and multiplication symbols, one rarely sees them in a poem.
Nice poem, especially the last lines
"the higher their rise, the greater they fell", convey a lot
Hope to see more your work without the addition and multiplication symbols, so that it becomes , rather more appealing and poetic. A suggestion, two p[eople talking can be made into poetry or two sides of your brain can quarrel in the form of poetry.
A fantastic poem!!!
Keep Writing!!!
Ishan
Thank you for the review!
(This is the first time I've used symbols in it and probably only time XD)
Hey there!
I love the story you're telling here. It really appeals to my (slightly insane) love of horror and tragedy in literature and film. It's really gloomy (which is not a bad thing), but the alternating voices give it a bit of a demented spark of life and zest. I think of restless spirits, wandering ghosts, and unfinished business. I LOVE it.
I have to say, this is the first time I've ever seen anything like your poem. I definitely got the creepy, echo-y voices so great job! If I had written this, it wouldn't have come out nearly as masterfully written as you made it. You possess great skill, and you conveyed your story in an expert hand.
Can't wait to read more of your art!
-M
Thank you! This means a lot