z

Young Writers Society


12+

Delta - 8.2

by Brigadier


Will was trying not to notice how often Harry and Ita remained in an embrace during those few moments. They shouldn't have ever been allowed to be in the same room together. They shouldn't -

They shouldn't what?

A messaged bounced back to her rambling from the person identified as Cati.  Will hadn’t met this mysterious mentor before today and certainly wasn’t aware of any telepathic abilities.

Another message bounced back.

Yes, I can communicate this way.  It is in some ways how I see, and you should know that Harry has the same abilities.  She can move bullets.  She can move water.  But most of all, she can move words.

Before Will had just been making mild thoughts but now she decided to try and make conversation.

“How?”

Will looked across to the little old creature that seemed to be analyzing for the simplest answer.  She tried to clear her mind so that no one in the room would get distracted because anyone else might possibly listening.  Or maybe there would be someone out on the street just watching her –

Please be silent child.  There is no fear of having your mind read by outsiders as long as your fiancé rests over this house.

“Fiancé?”

Oh.I suppose there are many reasons that I was brought to this place at this time.  She wishes to seek your hand in marriage and already refers to you in her mind in this more personal way.

Will looked up towards Robe and Harry standing outside the office door, their faint shadowy outlines barely visible on the other side of frosted pane.  It reminded her so much of the scenes in all of Harry’s old detective movies.Those moments right before the whole cast was introduced and everyone finally got a sense of the plot line.

Cati coughed and Will was suddenly aware of their presence again.  She now noticed that Jud had left the room and went back to tending to Leo in his office.  For some reason she thought the criminal had been carted away by the police ages ago but that obviously was not the case. There was a conversation occurring in every direction, but she could barely hear the one occurring in her head.

“I can talk aloud if it is easier for you, darling.I know it is often hard to start out communicating in this way.”

“It was just a bit – “

“Surprising?  That’s what Harry thought once upon a time too.  She was barely able to communicate within her own species and then she was introduced to the concept of communicating with every species.”

Will looked down at her hands, wishing that she had something to fumble with.

“Harry, she’s…never mentioned you before.  Obviously, everyone else knows you but why don’t I?”

Cati slid up in the chair, pulled their cloak back around their shoulders and settled back into the old leather armchair.  Will hoped it was no longer listening as she tried to guess possible scenarios in her head.  The readjustment lasted long enough for Will’s mind to wander to a far-off land that she hoped was the one Harry came from.

“Long ago, when Harry was just a child, I was an ambassador in Tanis for my planet.”

“Long ago?  She’s only 26.”

“26 of your years, maybe.  But where she comes from, she is a much older soul.  Didn’t you ever wonder how a child of war could exist when Nerot has had no such war for over 500 years?”

Will looked at the forms outside again and thought about the little she knew of Harry.  Harry wasn’t really one for talking about her past and most of the time, will preferred for those old secrets to remain secrets. There were things she had overheard, things she had been told by “friends”, and things she had researched for herself.

“She never told me anything like that.  She just said she left her home because it wasn’t a good situation and that she left when she was 17.”

“When Harry was born, it came apparent to the people around her that her genetics were different.  That was about 530 years ago.  She lived under the government for half of it and under a cruel adoptive parent for the other.  And I swear I couldn’t tell you which one was worse.  Are you familiar with the techniques created during the Galvian wars?”

“That’s when they froze soldiers.  But that was 500 years ago.”

Cati looked down into the satchel for a handkerchief and passed it across to Will.

“She left Tanis when she was 17 as part of her military assignment and she got stationed to the nearby planet of Galvia.  She was not supposed to be there the night they collected the soldiers back from the battlefield.  In the Galvia army, they would preserve and reanimate soldiers on rotation, but the system wasn’t adapted to her species.”

“Is that why she’s sick?”

“One of the reasons, yes.  This is a very long story and your partner will be coming back inside soon.  I can hear her finishing up her conversation with Rose and this is not the sort of thing to be discussing in public.”

Within ten seconds of Cati finishing her statement, the front door banged against the jam and Harry came back into the common room.

“So, what are you two talking about?”

Will started to speak but Cati soon stopped her.

“Just chatting, darling.  Your lovely lady suggested that we dine together, all of us back together again or at least the ones that stuck around.”

“That does sound like a good idea.  Unfortunately, we don’t have the original Vinconni to join the crew, but Leo should suffice.”

Harry walked away to Jud’s office and from the common they could hear the chat that was going on inside.

For now, this will be a secret and soon enough, she will trust you with the truth.

Cati then seemed to be slipping off into the book in their hands as they bounced the next message.

Crime is common. Logic is rare. Therefore, it is upon the logic rather than upon the crime that you should dwell.

From Harry’s office the intercom buzzed from a secretary downstairs.  It crackled and buzzed a few times before Will could hear the whole message.

“– not on the list – a Luca Brasi – see you – “

Will knew the name, but she didn’t know what it could mean.


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1085 Reviews


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Sun Sep 30, 2018 12:26 am
Mea wrote a review...



Hey Lizz, it's Review Day and so I'm starting from the back of the Green Room and working my way through. Please forgive any ignorance as to what's currently going on in the story.

I thought this chapter was really good. Obviously a lot has happened between the last chapter I reviewed and this one, and seeing as you're jumping between different settings and viewpoints and time periods I won't comment on this chapter in relation to the first. I did think this one read a lot smoother than the previous chapters I read way back when this first started, same with Phantom. It's mostly a quiet, rather personal conversation, and I think your style (when you're not being comedic) fits this sort of scene very well.

I feel like I've talked about this in previous reviews I've given you, but I'll talk about it again - one of the biggest things I feel like this is missing is sensory details, rather than just dialogue and descriptions of actions. I don't even mean adding sentences that are purely description - I mean adding sensory details and adjectives to the dialogue and actions already occurring, things like color or texture. The other main thing would be to use the detail to break up the dialogue a bit and add color to it. You already do that once or twice in a way that really helps show Will's emotions, like when she looks down at her hands and when Cati hands her a handkerchief, but the scene still feels sterile.

“26 of your years, maybe.

This phrase made me wonder - is it implying that years on the planet where Harry is from are a lot shorter than earth years? Or is it implying that Harry has been living on earth for 26 years? I feel like it's not the first one, because then those 500 years wouldn't really be that long ago, but I'm not sure what the conclusion I'm supposed to draw here is.

Crime is common. Logic is rare. Therefore, it is upon the logic rather than upon the crime that you should dwell.

This felt like a big non-sequitur, but that may very well be because of plot things and it actually makes sense if I've read the rest. I'll take this chance to say that I really like Cadi as a character - they definitely drew me in with their attitude and personality.

I'll think I'll leave it at that, so I'll see you around, and I might come back for future chapters as Review Day goes on.




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Sun Aug 26, 2018 12:21 am
BluesClues wrote a review...



AW YEAH WE'RE IN WILL'S PERSPECTIVE 10/10 I feel like we talked about you doing a new perspective and you said...something...that I clearly don't remember because my memory is the Literal Worst, but I feel like it was along the lines of people potentially not liking the switch but THOSE PEOPLE ARE WRONG. This was a good choice and I'm only like a single paragraph in.

I mean, I may be totally biased because Will is my precious baby, but that's beside the point.

WOW CATI way to blow the proposal secret. C'mon fam, you gotta let Harry do that in her own way but TOO LATE NOW I GUESS.

I should probably get more incensed over Cati telling Will bits of Harry's history that Harry's never told Will herself, but I'm actually more incensed over Cati going, "Oh, yeah, by the way, Harry totally plans to propose to you and already thinks of you as her fiancee."

It reminded her so much of the scenes in all of Harry’s old detective movies.Those moments right before the whole cast was introduced and everyone finally got a sense of the plot line.


is this foreshadowing

how did I know

Okay, so because we're on so many different planets and in different times etc you'll have to remind me but is Harry's detective business on earth or elsewhere? Because I keep thinking of Delta as the planet but maybe it's just the city or maybe it's a nation but the nations could all be super different so far into the future. Anyway, I'm only asking because of this whole "Harry's 26 in your years" but I don't know whose years your years are, other than Will's. Planetwise I'm not sure.

I love how Will would prefer those secrets to remain secret like "nah it's actually fine if Harry just lies to me all the time because I don't really want to know." I know that's not *actually* her thoughts on new lies Harry tells her about the latest stuff she's done, but still.

Cati I love you so far but this is not only not a thing to be discussing in public but not a thing to be telling Harry's partner when it's really Harry's job to do that not that she would i'm sure

Aaaaaaaaaaaand we've reached the point in the story where you have to tell me about your Godfather references, because I still haven't watched it. I should really work on that in the hopes that I can maybe catch more of your references yourself, maybe. There's always a chance I'll forget them all before you write future chapters.





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