z

Young Writers Society


12+

Delta - 3

by Brigadier


December 20, 4140

7:30 AM

Harry and Robe were escorted out of the building, with the boxes of cannoli, by a hundred pairs of eyes. Anthony leaned far enough from the booth and opened his blazer, so that they could clearly see the row of weapons. Harry knew that she recognized him but couldn’t quite place the name to the face.

“Like there was any chance I would fight them. Look at all this money, Robe. We never really have to work.”

He wasn’t paying much attention. Robe half wondered if they were poisoned but was also interested in tasting the quality, since if it came from the Fiacre bakery. Depending on who was working on any given day, their pastries would either be fabulous or blood stained. The odds were good for the cannoli being blood free but Robe had had one too many “jelly filled” donuts, to avoid the plaguing thought.

“Robe, look at me, not at the cannoli.”

“Sorry, I guess I’ll drive.”

As they climbed into the car she asked him, “Did you not hear a word I was saying?”

“Sorry, I was just distracted by the cannoli. I’m worried about finding blood and bones in them, like we did in that dozens of jelly donuts down at the precinct.”

“I still don’t see why y’all didn’t report that to the health department.”

“Would you honestly report a mob restaurant to a mob controlled department?”

“Yes but I’m not you. Just drive before they start shooting at us.”

While they drove from the Fiacre restaurant back to the office, Robe hummed a few bars to the ballad of Sweeney Todd. He glanced down at the box on the seat as he sung aloud, “they went to their maker impeccably shaved.”

Harry gave him a few subtle hints to stop, including obscene gestures from her home planet, Nerot. On Nerot, in the city of Tanis, it was never too good of an idea to stick a thumb to one side and a pinky to the other. The gesture assumed the user would have the correct digits, or else it looked like a friendly signal wave, the polar opposite of the intended message.

From the district the Fiacre family resided in (Italia) to where the former office of Roth & Marrow stood in the Ariza district, it was a good hour’s drive by private citizen. And a less bad half hour’s drive by police siren. Perhaps this was a misuse of the siren that hooked into his cigarette lighter, but he had seen cops use it for more immoral things.

As an overall of working for this family, he had seen cops do more immoral things. If there was a scale for how much dirt certain officers were covered in, Robe would only have a light dusting of pet dander and bacon grease. He burned buildings but he certainly never burned bodies.

This lack of conversation, this lack of communication between the two team members was a standard. Each had a personal tie that kept bringing them back, though the money certainly made it easier. Harry still clutched to the relationship she had left six years ago, even though he knew she was proposing to Will in a few days. And Robe, well he hung onto the memory of Ita, when he was treated like a sister rather than a brother.

“Robe, do you ever think that we should maybe talk after these things?”

“Why would you ever think about a funny thing like that? We’re almost back to the office, can’t we talk about this some other time?”

Harry slid up against the back of her seat, straightened the gun belt hanging loosely around her waist and repeated the news she had told him 3 weeks ago.

“I’m proposing to Will on Christmas Eve and I want your serious feedback. Or your serious feedback on anything, like how we just erased all traces of a serious mob hit warehouse?”

“And you want to know if I’m bother by it? Of course, I’m bothered by it but the money and the food helps distract me. Are you going soft on the business?”

The Auburn stopped outside of the main entrance to the 3-story warehouse Harry called her home and office.

“Robe, I’ve been a trained killer, all my life. My species was bred for war. I’m just trying to find something different.”

She picked her leather coat out of the back seat.

“Do you want to come in for a cup of coffee?”

“No. I ought to be getting back to the precinct, lots of paper work to file about a new arson case.”

She started to say, “next time”, but he had already driven away.

They always said that they would get to the coffee next time but the past had proved not to mix too much business with pleasure.

It was now 8 AM.

Willard would be getting up now and starting to shower.

Maybe there was a chance for Harry to get something out the morning.

Walking up the long stairway, she pushed the thought out of her head for a moment, trying to remind herself that she needed to switch to a more professional mood. The doors would open, officially, in 30 minutes and her desk was already flooded with case files.

When Roth & Marrow had founded their detective agency, however many centuries ago, they had chosen a district that wasn’t too heavily controlled by one family. There were a few neutral districts that resided within the Delta city and no one was ever bold enough to try and change the status.

Even if they did dare to build up the courage, it wasn’t worth the effort.

As a neutral district, it meant the businesses could trade with any other district, with any other family, and get certain goods to certain people at certain prices. The goods were sometimes referring to guns, sometimes referring to people, but were most often referring to food.

Harry’s mind switched to thinking about all the corruption in the agriculture and food distribution services, once hearing the shower handle screech back to a close. She had spent a bit too long on the job site and missed not only Will waking up, but a chance to talk before the morning rush began.

Will walked out of the bathroom in her robe and gasped at the sight of Harry sitting on the bed, her rumpled raincoat showing the very familiar signs of being a witness to a fire. The smoke from the mixture of fuel and burning wood, had seeped deep into the jacket and no cleaner had ever managed to get it out.

“Harry, I didn’t expect you back so soon.”

“I told you, I’ll always be home by 8am or 8pm. I prefer for it to be the morning hour though, more time to spend with you.”

In the pocket of the rumpled raincoat, Harry turned a small ring box over in her palm, wondering how long she should wait or if she should just make the moment special now. And then again, memories rushed to her, along with regret.

“You always have the most serious look when you’re thinking and I want to know what’s spinning around in your head.”

“Revenge is a dish best served cold.”

“Harry, what are you talking about?”

“I’m gonna need you to hold all of my calls for a while.”

Harry thought she would be able to enjoy the rest of her morning.

She thought that burning the warehouse had ended all the unpleasantness with Roth & Marrow.

The old guys might not have been exactly on the level but when she got away from the Federation Service, they were the only family a lost little soldier had. Burning the warehouse might have burned some memories, but the image of the man who had killed them was still seared into her mind.

Anthony Vinconni.

The man in the pin stripe suit.


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47 Reviews


Points: 574
Reviews: 47

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Sun Aug 26, 2018 11:43 pm
SubSubLibrarian wrote a review...



There are some things that are still confusing. The last few paragraphs were particularly confusing. I got the idea that the reader was supposed to understand who the "old guys" were, but I didn't. Who was killed? That is kind of just thrown in there. Why did she think that burning the warehouse would "end all the unpleasantness with Roth & Marrow?" And what exactly was this unpleasantness. I know you dropped several hints, but by this time it's usually best to make some revelations. I hope there are some next chapter.

The romance is interesting. I was also confused about this line
"And Robe, well he hung onto the memory of Ita, when he was treated like a sister rather than a brother."
What does it mean? It doesn't really make any sense to me, but it's the kind of information that needs to make sense.




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59 Reviews


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Reviews: 59

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Tue Aug 21, 2018 6:44 am
SirenCymbaline wrote a review...



And, full disclosure, I liked this one too. Welp.

That sombre tone that carried through the whole thing was consistently strong. I felt on the same page as Harry the whole way through.

My favourite thing that you do is making the world feel lived in with details like the anecdote about the Fiacre pastries and Robe's comment about reporting it, things like the smoke smell in Harry's jacket. Lines like that really do make the world feel alive.

I wonder how Will feels about these things. I know from chapter one that she feels as though Harry overexerts herself, but I'm not sure how deep that goes, or the specific feelings she has about Harry's specific job. I mean, she's obviously not opposed to it, they're in a long term relationship, but I would like to see more of her side of things sometime soon.

Looking forward to reviewing the next chapter, the upcoming encounter with Anthony is gonna be fun. (Disclaimer: I read all the chapters that are currently out before going back to review them, so I remember the basics of what happens. So hindsight might be a factor in my reviews.)

Welp, I hope this was helpful to you, I'll see you in the next chapter. ☺




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374 Reviews


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Sun Jul 29, 2018 10:58 pm
tgirly wrote a review...



Hello again, Ladybird!

The backstory is still a bit mysterious and confusing to me, but it's beginning to become clearer. I also liked that we're starting to get to see Harry's relationship with Will, who was mentioned in the first chapter. I think that was a great way to introduce, and then to continue to develop, that character. I'm also interested that their relationship is already so far advanced that Harry is thinking about proposing to them. So many stories start with the beginning of the relationships, but I think having one based on the middle of one is just as interesting, and opens up a lot of room for creativity and uniqueness.

I'm a bit confused by the point of view you're going for. In the first half of chapter one, it felt pretty much exclusively limited omniscient 3rd person to Harry's perspective, but at the beginning of this one it felt very limited to only Robe's perspective, though it then hopped over to Harry. I would like to see more clarity on this.

I loved the detail about the "jelly-filled" donuts. It was just disturbing enough to be funny, while also being revealing and showing the reader what a violent community this is.

I don't know how Harry can accomplish so much so early in the morning!! Normally, I'm not even up by 7:30. Go Harry!

Overall, this story has been really enjoyable so far. This chapter was a bit slower than the first two, but that was necessary to let the reader see the quieter moments and fill in a bit more of the backstory, which was much appreciated, so it's right on point as far as pacing goes. Great work!

-tgirly




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Thu Jul 19, 2018 11:39 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



“I still don’t see why y’all didn’t report that to the health department.”

“Would you honestly report a mob restaurant to a mob controlled department?”


I knew it

Is it too early for awwww bc once we got to Harry's planned proposal and specifically the moment where she's turning the ring box over in her coat that was 100% my reaction.

Okay, yeah, I see that reference to Robe being trans there. I'm not sure I'd understand it if you hadn't told me about it ahead of time, but I suspect trans people would get it, so whatever. Is Robe actually Ita's sibling, or did they just grow up like siblings?

“Revenge is a dish best served cold.”


Is this a Godfather reference? If so, thanks, because now I finally know where this phrase comes from. Unless of course it existed before The Godfather, in which case oh well. But at least if it was in the book/movie then I'm still catching the references...for now.

“I’m proposing to Will on Christmas Eve and I want your serious feedback. Or your serious feedback on anything, like how we just erased all traces of a serious mob hit warehouse?”

“And you want to know if I’m bother by it? Of course, I’m bothered by it but the money and the food helps distract me. Are you going soft on the business?”

The Auburn stopped outside of the main entrance to the 3-story warehouse Harry called her home and office.

“Robe, I’ve been a trained killer, all my life. My species was bred for war. I’m just trying to find something different.”


I really like this, particularly Harry's last lines, because I like the idea of a hardbitten gumshoe detective who's actually maybe a little tired of the detective business (at least as far as burning buildings and similar violentish things go) and wants to settle down. NOT THAT I'M AN EXPERT on hardbitten detective characters, because I just don't read that genre (I read Nero Wolfe but that's not exactly hardbitten), but I feel like most of them never end up feeling that way and certainly not at the start of the story.

Also, this is now officially a Christmas story the same way Die Hard is a Christmas movie. You're welcome.

She thought that burning the warehouse had ended all the unpleasantness with Roth & Marrow.

The old guys might not have been exactly on the level but when she got away from the Federation Service, they were the only family a lost little soldier had. Burning the warehouse might have burned some memories, but the image of the man who had killed them was still seared into her mind.

Anthony Vinconni.

The man in the pin stripe suit.


I also really like the ending because it gives a more definite (well, maybe, hard to say just bc it's you but shhhh) hint to the direction our plot (such as it is) and a possible antagonist (although I suspect Ita will make reappearances).

OKAY IMMA STOP NOW bc I read this and wrote this while watching A Muppet Christmas Carol and I'm having trouble concentrating. I thought I could be productive while watching this, because I've seen it so many times, but instead I'm quoting along with literally the whole thing and getting nothing done. Christmas in July win. So if any part of this review is missing words or out of order or completely incomprehensible, that's why. /sorry not sorry/





Seeing is believing, but feeling is the truth.
— Thomas Fuller