Nosferatu

Dead person here to review, as requested!

OKAY! This poem kinda makes me feel like it's about someone who is depressed/suicidal. I really like it though. The parts that make me think what I just stated are "I'm dead yet still so alive" Reminds me of myself and how most depressed people feel. That, just because I'm breathing doesn't mean I'm alive. Also, "The dark secret that I keep Is tearing me apart" Kind of like no one knows I'm depressed, because I hide it and they'll never see through my mask. And the suicidal part comes in here "I'll just go through the motions and keep on existing" Most suicidal humans feel as though they shouldn't be living, but they keep pushing through. Which is very hard for them. All in all, it is a beautiful poem, and it's definitely getting a like from me!

Sincerely,
Sarai Rayne Monda ( Your long lost sister)

I love vampires. This drew me back to the time I actually watched the old film Nosferatu and nearly wet myself hahaha. However, it only did that much really...you have a great vocabulary no doubt, but the poem didn't encapsulate me enough, as i was expecting something a bit more detailed and expressive. In terms of evoking some kind of emotion from me, it was pretty mediocre. In fact, the title was really the only thing that stunned me. Not to say the piece was bad, it certainly wasn't, just not amazing. But we can all improve, everyone, even the best writers. What i think seems to be the issue is just not going haywire, do not fear your potential to manipulate language, i feel like you held back a little. I dunno. You don't have to agree, but yeah.

Keep writing

RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
My first impression of this spectacular piece was "haunting," because that's what it is! I really like this! But there are a few things we need to get to before I tell you what I loved.
I like to take things line by line, so I'll start at the beginning.
You're missing an apostrophe in the first line.
In the second line, you need to capitalize "I." Unless that was a purposeful decision. I like the lack of punctuation, and I like the imagery of the speaker drifting away.
No complaints on the third line.
The fourth line seems a little awkward and out of place. I can't tell whether you're trying to be metaphorical or literal.
I like the repetition of "I'll just go through the motions," because it really emphasizes the lifelessness yet aliveness of the speaker.
I'm guessing this is about some mythological creature, which makes it hard to relate to.
Overall, I give this three and a half stars of five, because it's a really mysterious concept but it's a little out-there and your technical stuff needs some refinement. Other than that, I liked this! Good job!

Great poem. There were some grammatical errors:

That I'M drifting away

I HAVEN'T been human for 200 years

I think you meant to say "I just go through the motions and keep on existing" instead of "I'll just go through the motions and keep on existing"

Also, I there is no punctation in this poem. I don't know whether that was intended or not, but I would add it.

The sentences are very choppy like here:

My heart lacks what I desire most

I want what I cannot have

I havn't been human for 200 years

The world changes and I do not

I'll just go through the motions and keep on existing.

I really like the repeat of "I'll just go through the motions and keep on existing." I think it adds to the poem, but as I said before, I think you should change the I'll to just I. Otherwise, it's a great poem.