Hiya LZ! Happy Review Day!
I really hope this paper isn't due yet and my review may help somewhat - but if you've already turned it in, maybe you can just use my advice for future papers (or completely ignore it )
Right off the bat, I love the first sentence - it definitely grabs me in. It does feel more like a thesis sentence than the last sentence of your intro (where thesises typically go) but I don't know how structured your essay has to be according to the typical structural rules. Anyway, I really like how the intro provides a clear direction for the essay and it easily drew me in.
Going into the "My Winter Vacation to Dry Tortugas" paragraph, I was somewhat expecting a more personal experience, but instead there was more background information. I found it interesting (especially the John Wilkes Booth doctor - who knew!), but not super relevant. The first and last sentences related to the vacation, but not much else. I think this paragraph could perhaps be put after a small paragraph about your personal experience there, like first arriving and some vivid imagery to place the reader in Dry Tortugas and to give the reader and idea of what it's like before diving into more detail.
I really liked the next two paragraphs, as they dived into the local ecosystem there and the historical sites, like Fort Jefferson. I thought they were really strong and informative.
Lastly, for the conclusion, I think the second sentence ("Designated a National Park... each year") just because it's repetitive from the intro and doesn't add much. Instead, I think a sentence or two expanding off the previous couple body paragraphs could be really effective. For example, going into WHY the animals/historical sites are important and need to be maintained. Then, it leads smoothly right to your last sentence, which nails down the point of the essay beautifully! Just some thoughts, though.
Okay, that's all I have to say! I enjoyed reading this and learning more about Dry Tortugas - I've not heard much about it at all! And I really think the theme of respecting our earth is tied in strongly with national parks, so I think this is a pretty important essay topic to be writing about as a whole. Great job! Happy review day!
Peace,
~EternalRain
Points: 69427
Reviews: 456
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