Sooo... here's the first chapter to a novel I'm starting. I'm really hoping for some critical reviews. By the way... the title will make more sense later on.
------
My teacher could have blown my secret today! How could she take my notebook and look through it the first day of class? I had quite a few personal things in it, as well as things no one should know. I squirmed as she glanced over the pages, a smirk on the teacher’s wrinkled old face.
“Aurora,” she began. “You can get this back after class. Remember not to be writing in it while I’m talking anymore.”
I could feel my face flushing bright red as a few of my classmates snickered. The blush wouldn’t go away. What if she believed the things I had in there? No… she couldn’t. Such a conventional woman like her wouldn’t believe things like my vampiric friends.
“Y-yes, ma’am,” I stammered, nervousness had me stumbling. I wished that she hadn’t taken my notebook.
She stood up front and began speaking again. When time came for class polls, she began asking questions.
“Those with red hair, stand please,” she requested. My face red once more, I stood on wobbly legs. I was the only one standing and everyone was staring at me. I sank back into my chair after a moment, grateful to have eyes off me.
Once again I had to stand alone when she called out those with black eyes. Why was I so different? Just because I was a different race didn’t mean I should be singled out.
Thankfully, I was one of the many girls in the class to stand among having long hair. A number of us giggled as a boy stood, but I remained silent. Who could be the longhaired boy? He looked intriguing, yet I didn’t know why. I wanted to meet him, but my shyness prohibited it.
Even after the polls, I found myself staring at him often. When he caught my gaze, I quickly turned. His eyes, a deep blue, were cold… it scared me how interesting he seemed.
“Aurora, please pay attention in class. Don’t tell me I need to take Shawn away, too.” My head snapped toward my teacher, my face bright red again. Shawn was his name, eh? I finally knew the name of the longhaired boy. But I wanted to know more. I needed to know more.
The boy Shawn looked at me strange when he heard what the teacher said. Curse that woman… I hated her already and I had her class every day. This would be a long year.
Before I could say anything, the bell rang. There was a murmur that passed through the room and we could all feel the excitement building. Apparently no one liked English class.
I stood quickly, almost knocking over my chair as the class was excused. A few more snickers. I wanted to stick my tongue out at them, but I knew it was childish. Gathering my binder in my arms, I trotted to the teacher’s desk. “Notebook, please,” I requested quietly.
“Hm?” Apparently she couldn’t hear my voice clearly.
“Notebook,” I repeated louder. “I’d like to have it back… please.”
I shrank back a bit as she stood. She had the notebook in her hand. “Try to get your head out of the clouds, Aurora. I don’t like imaginative stories very much. And please, this is English class. Stick to our language.”
When she said that, I snatched the notebook out of her gnarled hand and dashed out. On my way, I ran into someone, making us both fall. Our things dropped and scattered on the floor.
“Sorry!” I quickly said, bowing my head as I grabbed my binder. My notebook had opened itself to a page with a number of Japanese symbols, the ones I had been studying for a while. I knew them by heart. A strong hand reached for it, looking the page over.
“Interesting thing for a girl like you,” a male’s voice commented. My heart thudded loudly as I looked up. Shawn! His black hair hung loosely in his face. I couldn’t tell what was behind those blue eyes of his. It made me nervous.
“S-sorry,” I stuttered again, reaching for it. My cold hand touched his accidentally, his flesh warm. He dropped the notebook and stood, his binder in his hand hanging loosely at his side. I stumbled to my feet after grabbing my notebook and shot off running down the hall.
With my breath coming quick, I stumbled into my next class. Art. Oh, goody. Whoever signed me up for art was an idiot. I couldn’t draw to save my life.
“Ahh, you must be Aurora.” The voice brought me out of my thoughts. I looked up to find my next teacher. Looking down at my schedule, I found the teacher’s name.
“Ummm… yes, Mr. Be... Be… Be…” I couldn’t pronounce his last name.
“Just call me Mr. B,” the teacher replied with a grin. I flushed red again. “Your seat is over there; welcome to the class.” He pointed out a chair at the far end and my eyes seemed to pop out of my head.
“Sir… next to him…?” I wanted to know.
“Yes, him,” Mr. B replied. “Don’t worry, he doesn’t bite or anything.” I could see a smirk playing on his bright features, his brown eyes dancing with amusement. I sighed and trudged over to my seat. Next to me I heard a loud sigh.
“Don’t be staring at me anymore,” the boy told me. I couldn’t look over at Shawn, not at the moment.
“I… I won’t…” I stuttered in a small squeak. I could hardly speak to him. When I did look at him, he was… smiling. Wait- did I get it right? Did he actually smile? “What?” I asked, almost indignant.
“Just you,” he replied. “The way you act. You remind me of a mouse that’s afraid I’m a cat.” Did he just call me a mouse? If anything, I’d be the cat! Well, maybe a kitten.
“Please don’t call me a mouse,” I murmured, slumping in my chair as the teacher started taking roll. I flipped open a page and began sketching out some symbols. After a few moments I was aware of someone looking over my shoulder. Shawn. “What do you want?” I asked, almost irately.
“Nothing, Mouse,” the voice chuckled again. “You just seem to like vampires. It’s weird.”
I turned to look at him, appalled. “What?” I demanded, a bit louder than I wanted to. A few kids looked at me. More snickering. “How can you tell?” This time my voice was quieter.
“That,” he replied, pointing to the page on the other side of my notebook. It had a few things about vampire scrawled out in crude printing. “I’d say you’d want to become one. Though it wouldn’t be good for you, the sunlight would burn you coming to school.”
“Sunlight,” I replied matter-of-factly, “Does not burn u- er, vampires.” I almost said ‘us’! Crap. He gave me a skeptical look.
“How does a mouse like you know this?” he inquired, his arms folded. I caught myself looking at him in wonder. His position, sitting slouched in the chair, his dark hair hiding his eyes, his equally dark clothes hanging off him perfectly, his flawless skin, I almost thought he might be a vampire himself.
After a moment, I replied as my voice returned. “Well, why would it burn them?” Before he could reply, the teacher interrupted us.
“Aurora?”
I shot up in my seat. “What?” My face heated up again, my pale skin red. I didn’t know what he wanted. A few kids giggled at my confusion.
“Say ‘here’, idiot,” Shawn sneered.
“H-here,” I called when he told me to, sinking down further into my seat. How could I be so stupid? When the last name was called, Mr. B started on telling us what our warm up would be. It was trying out some shading techniques. I did horribly.
The entire day went similarly to those first two periods. Thankfully none of my teachers made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself. Yet. They all were kind at first. I found I liked my math teacher. I kind of had to, always calling him over to help me.
At lunch I sat alone on the floor, not wanting anyone near me. No one greeted me with a smile like they would have back at my old school. I missed it. Too bad my parents decided that the big city of New York would be better to live in.
At the end of the day, I had a hard time getting to my locker amidst all the people. I ended up waiting in the hallway until everyone was gone. My locker was stuck, then, and I had to ask a teacher to come help me. Just my luck, it was my English teacher who was nearest. She hated me. When I had my things, I ran out the door. Things were going terribly so far and I was miserable.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
XD I thought it was very cute. I honestly don't think the japanese liking fits the protaganist, though. I'm not sure why, but it seems misplaced when a red hair girl with long hair and black eyes is trying to learn japanese. And if my inference is correct, wouldn't she already have known it and wouldn't have it in the same journal she puts her vampire likings in?
But that's my opinion, no reason for you to listen to me. (no one really does. xD)
But other then that, I think it was completely wonderfult. I'll enjoy the other chapters. I actually wished this was published so I could finish reading it!