This is the product of 3 days no sleep in concert with a mad sugar rush. Written in about two hours. You have been warned.
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"I think that, somewhere, someone is laughing while sadistically plotting our humiliating demises."
"… What makes you say that?"
Kell stared blankly at Daneth. "You really have to ask?"
Daneth raised an eyebrow in reply.
Kell sighed and ran a hand through his messy brown hair, grimacing as his fingers came in contact with unmentionable goop. Shaking his hand to free it from the sticky substance, Kell eventually gave up and wiped the slime-covered appendage off on his pants. "As I was saying, someone is sadistically plotting our humiliating demises."
"And what makes you say that?" Daneth crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the cave wall looking slightly annoyed.
"Well," Kell began, "for one, this whole 'save the world business' is a farce."
Daneth rolled his eyes before asking, "How so?"
"The first step in saving the world was to find some stupid mushrooms." Kell face began to redden with rage. "But not only were they mushrooms; they were hallucinogenic mushrooms that we had to give to some crazy old man so that he could blather incoherent nonsense at us and pretend to have given the most important prophecy in the history of the entire world."
"He could have said the prophecy in a foreign language," Daneth suggested, poking at a small outcropping of brittle rock.
"Foreign language, my ass! We both know he was so far gone he couldn't even string two coherent syllables together."
Daneth looked at his companion, both eyebrows raised. "And yet you went along with it."
"I don't know what possessed me," Kell replied, crossing his arms and turning slightly away from the stockier man.
"The person plotting our imminent demise, perhaps?"
"… Perhaps."
"And I suppose next you'll be saying that that person is also responsible for the incident with the burning pink llamas." Scorn. Skepticism.
Huffily, "I wouldn't put it past them."
Daneth stared at Kell for a long moment before saying, "I think it's all in your head."
"And I think you're wrong. Why else would we be sent to find and fetch a magical comb that keeps hair from ever tangling? I thought the world was in imminent danger!" Torn between running his hands through his hair and waving them around for emphasis, Kell attempted to do both which merely resulted in him emphatically waving around his arms after having pulled out large clumps of his scalp.
Daneth backed away slowly. "You've definitely lost it."
"Oh yeah?! Well how do you explain having to cross a lake by dancing a ridiculous jig?"
"I thought it was quite spirited and inspired. A nice change of pace from the usual world-saving gig."
Kell gave a strangled scream and jerked around like an overenthusiastic marionette. "Cordet drowned in that lake!"
"So? Casualties were to be expected. She never was much good for anything, anyways."
"But nobody deserves the humiliation of being smothered to death by cornstarch!"
"So you're saying that death by quicksand is preferable?"
"At least quicksand is a well-recognized danger!" Kell screeched, long past the borders of Hysterical.
This screeching and wailing did not go unnoticed and, with his keen senses honed by battle and experience, Daneth was able to discern an ominous shuffling noise emanating from further within the cave. Shushing his partner urgently, Daneth took the torch and ventured further in, only to be confronted by a line of black lace teddies.
Now, these were not your ordinary, snuggable, huggable, stuffed animal teddies. Oh no – these were the sexy, skimpy, pretty much transparent, ought-to-be-illegal lingerie type of teddies, and they were pissed. Before Daneth could so much as blink an eye, they mobbed him, and before the torch had hit the ground, his first and final scream had been cut off.
Before the harsh echoes had so much as reached the walls, Kell was off like an arrow, streaking through the tunnels blind, sobbing, "How did it all end up like this? How could it all end up like this?"
By some miracle of navigation, Kell saw light at the end of the tunnel: the exit! Throwing all caution to the winds, the maniac man ran full kilter – straight off the edge of a cliff.
His last coherent thought before hitting the ground with a splat was, How did it all end up like this?
Seems like most of the nit pick stuff has been taken care of. I just wanted to say that this is epic and wonderful. I love reading random stuff like this and it's all better when it's the product of sleep deprivation and a suger rush. Wonderful stuff, you've got a great mind on you (at least when no sleep and suger is involved =P).
Oh wow... pretty good stuff! haha... Im one for the odd ways of the world.
You should read my work when I'm tired... WOW.
Thank you both for your high praise. X3
I am not quite sure, but I believe 'demises' should be 'demise' because I think 'demise' is one of those words that you don't need to pluralize because it is fairly generic. I am not quite sure, but great starting line. That caught my attention.
**'and' should be 'his'. ;D
I have a small question about this. What exactly was that goop? At first I thought it was maybe bird poo, but then I had just watched the movie Grease and man, those people's hair was slimy, so I started to consider if it was gel. Maybe to prevent confusion, try to clarify?
You don't have to though because the fact that we don't know what it is makes it funnier.
This confuses me a bit though. So I thought they had already gave the man the mushrooms, so why is Daneth suggesting what the man could have done? Clarification please? ;3
Is it alright if I use abbreviations? WTF. xD
No capitals needed on 'hysterical'. ;D
This doesn't really matter, but because this is certainly a different story, was Kell actually 'streaking'? xD
I wasn't quite sure any more.
The one thing I do recommend fo you to do is that, I know you already display their characteristics through dialogue and actions, and that is really great, but I would love to get a bit more of an insight of what the characters looked like.
What I found the most astounding was that behind all the stupid funny random jokes, there seemed to be a possible plot line. They were trying to save the world. You know how awesome and cliche that idea is that it makes the idea not very cliche? I believe you could even continue this, or more over back track because poor Kell is dead, and same with Daneth. It is very possible to write about their adventures because I am curious.
More over I am more curious about the burning pink llamas?
aving the world is so boring, that is until evil teddies attack. :O WHaaaT.
For being a creation of insomnia and a sugar high, this isn’t bad. Actually, I found it rather comical yet thought provoking (but only a little.) In fact, it was all very comical.
What few nit-picks I saw, Incognito took care to point out to you already.
What I really enjoyed was the general banter that the characters shared. It was very natural, not forced at all which I really liked most. It reminds me of how me and my closest friend Steve talk. It’s very natural and you didn’t make it seem too over-worded to be confusing nor under-worded so it was boring. This is perfect.
Really, you’ve got an awesome idea going here. Saving the world is so boring, that is until evil teddies attack. :O WHaaaT. Haha, I love that part. Anyway, this was too cool to pass up reading.
~lilymoore
Kyllorac, this made me howl!
That was so random, it hurt my brain! Oh wow. That is very epic. I give your props for that.
There is a couple things I noticed, though I am not quiet sure if I should take this piece seriously. xD
I loved it. One of my absolute favourites.
I. Nit-Picking
humiliating demises
ran and hand
Kell sighed and ran and hand through his messy brown hair, grimacing as his fingers came in contact with unmentionable goop. Shaking his hand to free it from the sticky substance, Kell eventually gave up and wiped the slime-covered appendage off on his pants.
Well," Kell began, "for one, this whole 'save the world business' is a farce."
"The first step in saving the world was to find some stupid mushrooms." Kell face began to redden with rage. "But not only were they mushrooms; they were hallucinogenic mushrooms that we had to give to some crazy old man so that he could blather incoherent nonsense at us and pretend to have given the most important prophecy in the history of the entire world."
"He could have said the prophecy in a foreign language," Daneth suggested, poking at a small outcropping of brittle rock.
"And I suppose next you'll be saying that that person is also responsible for the incident with the burning pink llamas."
I though the
borders of Hysterical.
Oh no – these were the sexy, skimpy, pretty much transparent, ought-to-be-illegal lingerie type of teddies, and they were pissed.
streaking through the tunnels blind,
hitting the ground with a splat
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