The summer

Hi, it's Vera here with a review.

To begin, I think the work overall was good and had a nice moral behind it. I believe you could've used a bit more shadowing in the story, or even gone further into detail with what exactly helped you come up with the moral of the story. I relate to this heavily, so I feel you. It's hard to find your people, and even harder to know when you've found them. I loved this work, especially for summer. Keep up the good work!

-Vera

Hey Kundana! looseleaf here with a review.

Overall, I think your narrative is fascinating and relatable--a very good combination. You draw readers in by describing loneliness and emotions that most people experience, and then you turn it on its head by urging readers to rethink their situation. This narrative is good as a standalone work, but could also be developed into a larger story.

However, there are some aspects of the narrative that actually detract from it. Not to sound like a broken record by echoing @WinnyWriter, but I would highly suggest using proper capitalization and punctuation. I struggled to read parts of this and found myself re-reading sentences in order to figure out their meaning. I understand not capitalizing certain words can be a creative choice to improve the stream-of-consciousness effect, but in that case, punctuation is needed to distinguish sentences. In a piece like this, I think you could really use more punctuation to your advantage--such as with question marks and exclamation points--to enhance your message and emphasize certain points. Like always, your work is your work, and you should do whatever feels right to you--this is merely a suggestion.

There are a few instances where you leave out words. Again, I completely understand if this was an intentional choice, but it just does not make sense without adding punctuation. For example, your line:

I am a couch potato never leaves home mainly the couch.

I am a couch potato who never leaves home and stays mainly the couch.

I am a couch potato--never leaves home--mainly the couch.

Hey, there! Allow me to leave a few comments.

Thanks for sharing this little essay. It's easy to see how you've incorporated the idea of loneliness at home on your own. It provides an insightful contrast to the way a lot of people think of summer as a fun time. And it's really a realistic experience, probably for more people than we are aware.

At first I thought this was something that just needed to be talked out with a therapist, but then you got to the part of the story where things change. There's not necessarily anything wrong with sharing your difficulties with others, but there is a distinct, encouraging turning point in this narrative.

This essay doesn't have a lot of typical "story" elements, in that it's not written out like a story you'd find in a book, but it has the characteristic of being a personal narrative, something you just wrote down in your own honest language. There aren't frills and extras, and you don't drag the reader along with unnecessary literary eloquence and whatnot. This reads more like an entry in a personal journal.

I would encourage you to watch out for capitalization. I know it's fallen out of fashion in texting and so forth, but for a written work like an essay, article, story, etc., it's best to be accurate and consistent in that area. It just helps bring in that extra polished look and feel, and makes the writer appear less amateur.

I liked the last paragraph at the end. It's valuable to think twice about your own opinion of yourself, and things like depression and loneliness can definitely skew our personal ideas of ourselves in a negative direction. If you have good friends, though, they can be uplifting and help encourage you to see you as they do. Sometimes that perspective from the outside is what we need.

Well, thanks again for sharing this! Keep writing.