That spotlight turns my way
It's just another day
I wear the painted makeup
Of a world that sold me out
I turn around
Begin my dance
I just want to fade
Fade to a new world
A world were I'm free
No more strings
No more things
To hold me down
Fade away
They tug at the strings
They're tied everywere
a quiet reassurence that I can't esscape
But the catch is
The world can't see
They've been blindfolded
Lied to
Brain washed
I just want to fade
Fade to a new world
A world were I'm free
No more strings
No more things
To hold me down
Fade away
Just as It's almost done
It's almost time to go back to my cage
I can feel it
Light but a soothing light
It's in my site
within my reach
I just want to fade away
This light is so bright
I want it to swallow me up
Take me to that new world
Fade me out
But just as the strings loosen
The ringmaster shouts
he trys to snuff it out
They go head to head
But in the end
It's all me
I just want to fade away
This light is so bright
I want it to swallow me up
Take me to that new world
Fade me out
I want out
I want out now
I make the move
But weak I crumble
The audience laughs
And I draw strength
I'm almost out
I'm almost done
That light warms me
Lands and fades it all out
I'm out
I've faded into
A whole new world
That light warms me
Lands and fades it all out
I now live by my rules
The sad makeup of a doomed world
No longer stains my face
I faded out
Called out
He rescued me
The light took me away
Faded
I'm faded
Out
Gone
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Ok, I will.
Krystalstars--
The narrator is self-obsessed and boring. I doubt if a revision that does not include starting over will be worthwhile.
Take some time. Step away from writing and read. Stop thrashing at the keyboard.
Take care,
Brad
May I recommend rhythm? This poem is very full of emotion and congratulations of a job well done. Kudos
Thank you for the positive comments! Although I don't see what rule I broke.
krystalstars,
Please read the rules on posting poetry...
http://youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?t=705
Thanks.
This poem made me feel really..cold? It seems very deep and really emotional, well done its extremly good