The Dimension Walls Prologue Chapter One Chapter Two

by Krystal21

Published June 29, 2013

18+ Language Violence

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

Prologue

I t was just another day as I was riding home on my bike from school and I thought I saw something. I had been having strange dreams and visions starting about a week ago, the creatures from the dreams were what I saw in the visions, walking on the side walk and riding in cars. It was awkward that I couldn't explain or understand it all, kind of embarrassing not being able to tell people what was happening to me. I was trying to contemplate what was wrong with my sight when I saw six familiar characters from a TV show I had watched when I was 8 to 12. I was 16 now and it was like they where trying

tell me something. I was having trouble using my

mind and my head was spinning. But I had this

feeling I knew what was happening.
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I raced home on my bike my old friends dashing to keep up, I could see my house coming up, the windows shimmering in the sunset trying not to loose control of my bike I looked away from the house quickly to regain sight. As I reeled around and took my bike to a screeching stop as not to hit one of the two glimmering cars, all of my companions stopped to for the same reason they where traveling at about twenty two miles an hour! I parked my bike in the garage and left my helmet on the hard stone floor. The trees swayed harshly in the chilling spring breeze, “so your back,” I said to my old comrades. They seemed to nod their heads in unison, all replying silently.

The sun was finished setting by the time we where finished catching up with each other, my parents wouldn't be worried unless I wasn't back by morning. They trusted me and wanted me to

be as free as needed, they wanted me to learn my own way. Not be stuck in the house doing chores, heck they wouldn't care if one day I came home and I had a stray puppy, I know lots of kids my age get in trouble for that sort of thing. Anyway I

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like it this way and I don't want to leave my parents I'm not that rebellious and no one could ever drag me into running away from my parents.

I tell my parents if I'm going somewhere even though I know I don't have to. We trust each other and that's what matters, say if I were to tell my parents something worked real well, they would take my word for it. We never take advantage of each other so I guess you could say we're a pretty good family. Anyway me and my ol' pals went into the house and sat down at the table. It had a red cloth and was set nicely with napkins and such. We didn't have the ideal house but we like it a lot, it's a nice log cabin that's survived tornadoes and floods and all kinds of natural disasters. We were all real attached to the place and I don't think we will ever move this is

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Chapter One

The Story Begins

what happened. At the dinner table I told my parents about the school day quickly and then rushed on to the story about the way home. I recalled ever second of the way home even how many peddle strokes I took. I was upset when I looked at my parents they had a look as if they didn't believe me for the first time in my life. I had never seen this face before but I could tell what it meant. Tears streamed over my face like the rain storm that was starting outside I couldn't imagine what was happening the look of disbelief spread across their faces and horror soon joined it I looked down at myself, I Krystal was disappearing.

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Literally, but when I appeared to disappear, I

could still see myself. “What has happened to our

pour pour daughter!” My mother

cried bursting into tears. My DAD shook his

head in disbelief “she is still here. Something is wrong with your sight my dear, yet I have trouble understanding. I see creatures in the rain.” “dad DAD! Tell mom she has to believe in me I have little time to tell you what is happening!” I cried out feeling hopeless as if I was in the rainstorm I saw him nod his head slowly and speak to mom in a whisper that was stern and instructive. My mother gasped and closed her eyes tight as if she where trying to imagine all of my friends as dinosaurs or something. Soon she opened them ever so slowly and gasped a gasp that could have been the start of a heart attack, luckily that was a good sign she had mustered all her trust, time, and energy in to believing in me. I could see the twinkle in her piercing brown eyes she could see me once again. We finished supper and headed to our rooms I was going to do some research. I

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logged on to my windows laptop and hurried on

to the internet. I saw that a lot of people knew what the dimension walls were they just didn't

know what was happening to vision around the

globe. It was like someone broke the dimension walls and it was effecting everyone it could be my fault I wouldn't even have time to find out before the world was in chaos what am I going to do I kept asking myself the world is almost in peril and I'm in my room! I looked for pictures of the dimension walls but all I got was Pinkie Pie breaking the forth wall. She was like an idol everyone knew about her. But if my theory was correct Pinkie Pie was NOT the cause of the shatter. It was the mix of belief and disbelief. Soon the balance would be thrown completely out of order tipping the scales of time and space as well, sending the world's peace up in flames. I sighed this thought was racing through my mind at top speed not stopping continuing endlessly into the black hole that was my mind. I was beginning to feel dizzy with all the questions that

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traveled in my head it was an obis of darkness

with words and thoughts with images floating in its space. In my mind all was at peace all except

my thoughts. Like a boomerang if I forgot the dimension walls in a few hours all the unhelpful thoughts came right back. I did my best to keep it to myself some people just couldn't handle the truth. I thought of telling people I trusted sometimes but I was afraid they would experience exactly what my mother had. The horror of loosing someone you know but in a different way a way even worse. My mother was normal as I said before but every now and then she would ask me were I was and I would be sitting in a chair right next to her. I knew it was my responsibility to help save the world from the unforeseen mistake no one would understand it but I felt connected to this tragedy personally as if I had made this dimensional hiccup a reality. But I knew it wasn't all me I just... I don't know whats wrong, the world seems fine to everyone. Everyone but the people who know about the dimension walls. So the problem was what

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should I do? Tell them, well if I tell them people will disappear, but if I don't the world will

become total chaos without anyone to fight it! What was I going to do the world was in peril. I had a friend I met last year his name was Jack and he was 17. I called him for advice only to find that he told me he thought we were breaking up and I was real faint in voice. But in reality I was screaming my head off to get heard over the sound of his brothers, of which he has 2. I was surprised about the connection when I realized what was really happening all I could muster was a faint “believe in m-” and then I couldn't speak at all. I don't hang up using a voice recorder to say that I was still there and he needed to believe in me. I could hear his faint gasp as I clutched the phone up to my mouth. “Good thing I have unlimited data,” I said to myself turns out, I didn't have unlimited data and got busted when my parents got the bill. It wasn't bad they just gave me a slip of paper saying I could have 6 hours and a half each day. That's better than

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getting grounded for a few days. So I promised to only use it that much or less. And I kept the

promise. I hurried back upstairs after giving my parents my word, to get back on my laptop and Skype Jack. He was gonna help me if he liked it or not! So I opened it and struggled to type in my password not because I forgot because I was in such a rush I pressed the wrong keys and typed the wrong words. After about 50 tries I finally got it I was relieved to find Jack waiting for me, his status updated. It now said 'not deaf anymore' oh how I loved his sense of humor. He was expecting me and I had been invited to his chat about 6 times. “Gee he knows me well.” I said in a whisper. I join his chat as quick as I can type the letter A. and walla he is waiting I can see he was already typing his sentence before I had joined and the minute I did he said this. “ Ok this is creepy this whole concept the dimension wall shater and all that junk! Wat r u gonna do? Oh and sorry about that whole thing were I couldn't hear you (embarrassing) *blush emote.” I respond with a smirk staring at my computer intently as if he had just told a joke and I was to

put a ROFL face on the text space and submit it but instead it put this “ eyeroll* not creeped out at all, and you know the plan its as simple as this, we make an army fix the Dimension Walls and then we go back to our old lives.” I posted as if it were as obvious as the fact that I had 1 nose. I felt kind of guilty for making it seem like I thought he would know, he just learned that they even existed how was he supposed to know my plan! I posted a face palm and typed “wat was I thinking, of course you wouldn't know srry!” about 2 seconds later this popped up as his comment “np ur prob havin troble thinkin tonight. Get some rest! TTYL” that was the end of our conversation that night, I wasn't so sure how much sleep I was gonna get. But my friend had told me to so I had to, it was probably something I deserved anyway. I stayed up till 10:00 playing fruit ninja on my phone and then read from my book. It was called the School for Good and Evil. I read 2 chapters and went to bed satisfied yet not satisfied at the same time. I

wasn't satisfied because I hadn't fixed the Dimension Walls but on the bright side I was satisfied because of, 1. The amount of chapters I had read, and 2. For getting to bed in time to not pass out in a terribly important conversation. And last 3. for listening to my friend, I was proud of myself. Yet I had never experienced this before, I was feeling opposite emotions at the same time! This was strange usually I wouldn't feel anything at all with this mix but now... What was happening?

“Man what happened last night?” I whisper yawned to myself it was a Saturday morning, and I had just woke up. That's when I realized I had been so deep in thought last night that I passed out with my red, pink glasses still on my face and I frowned at my computer which was still at my Skype page. I hooked up to Jack and it turns out it was 11:37 am! Oh no I had slept in. The first thing Jack said to me was “I've been waiting 4 u all morn were wer u!” I groaned the light from my computer caught my crystal clear blue eyes

making them burn in the new light sense my room was pretty dark in my room I was still in my cloths from school the day before and realized quickly that today was laundry day so I had to quickly switch into my night gown and plop the dirty cloths into the hot pink hamper that had been my oldest sister's until she got over pink. Then it was mine, I hated the color but put up with it. I sleepily replied “asleep u?” adding a yawn emote to top it all off I sent the message to Jack and took the computer to the bed with me and laid down with it on my lap the fading red paint that covered my walls was matched with my cherry red computer that sat still on my purple and white covers as I waited for a reply I could tell already he was a little peeved at me for sleeping in. “staring at my computer screen for a da** 5 and a half hours waiting for u 2 show up, so wats goin on wit u?” came his reply I could tell cussing me out over the computer was not the worst he could do. So I considered myself lucky to be cursed at for once. I answered “I'm thinkin

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about the Dimension Walls and my plan hey u wer right about sleep, oh and srry bout my tude last night.” I sent this without thought and leaned that he was thinking about the same thing. And thought that he was happy we were using our computers since he might have a little trouble hearing me. I called him so we could test it his hearing was right back to normal! (thank god!) I got up quickly and opened the fridge. I didn't take anything out I just looked around for when other people woke up. Then my sister came into the room when I was back onto my computer. Soon she was in my room chewing me out for being up “this early” she probably thought it was 7:49 or something, not 11:58. I inform her of the time and she acts like she knew all along, sisters. I sigh this was supposed to be my free time off from school now my sis is being a ***** about time! As if I'll ever get a break now I'm probably gonna have to miss school for the Dimension Wall case and that's super bad for my grade. I remember my computer and dash upstairs and

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lock my door so a certain individual stays out of my room when ever I run upstairs she follows me I guess I make it to obvious that I'm going to talk to Jack. I'm barricading the door when I hear her rushing up the steps to catch up. One last book and walla the barricade is finished! Here she comes dashing unknowingly down the hallway. Tries my lock and is back downstairs in a flash to get a screwdriver. Is about 2 minutes she was prying at my door wondering what in the heck I had done to it. I hurried and saw that he had replied again after the whole voice check, “I was thinkin of da dimension walls 2 but I have something a little important to say now.” he sent this and I was almost jumping up and down. I hate suspense and he had something “sort of” important to tell me! So I replied coolly “sure wat u got 2 say?” and about 2 seconds later came his answer it read “Well you see I'm not a little kid anymore so we can't be friends.” That's wat my mind saw... I sat gaping at the computer screen and blinked a few times and reread the

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not truly read “well u see u and me aren't little anymore and I was just thinking maybe we should be a little more grown up about this, we can't just be play pals anymore...” I sat there under my covers ready to cry for an hour when a new message popped up “maybe we should be real friends.” It read I gasped 6 times and quickly typed back “cool so um...” I actually typed the um part and sent it like that. I was lost for words, we hadn't been official friends before. I hadn't even known. “*sad face” I posted. I was starting to cry harder “wats rong?” came Jack's concerned question as if he hadn't just told me we weren't friends before. “notan I just thought... never mind.” came my answer without thought I sent this not even realizing that I had been typing. “NO I WANT TO KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU.... NOW” He said in all caps gee, he was concerned... for real! “I just... I just... I... I already thought we were friends.” came my shy answer this time noticing my fingers at work. “I'm sorry I thought I said Best friends,” came his

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sly reply and with that we talked like Best friends for the rest of the afternoon till 3:00 not noticing that lunch had passed. I forgave him for the typing mistake and all the other ones he had made in the past that I had never really thought of until then. We had a great afternoon but he kept one secret from me. He wanted to come with me.

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Chapter Two

Best Friends' Journey

I opened my window it was Sunday and I had to break it to my parents that it was too important for me to go to school and not fix and that they would have to tell my teachers I was sick or something. I ran downstairs to find my grandmother sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal, “were are Mom and Dad?” I asked her perplexed. “they went to your school to inform your teacher that you would be missing school, why do you ask?” replied my grandmother her eyes sparkling as the light caught her

eyes. “I just wanted to know were they were” I lied relieved, I didn't have to break It to them...

they already knew! I gaped at this fact staring down at my feet for a minute in disbelief had they really already known? This was incredible!I thanked my grandma and asked for a bowl of oatmeal. She got up fixed it, added a dash of

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cinnamon just for me and sat right back down to finish her meal. I took it up to my room and ate it there by my computer. I put my cherry-red devise down to start packing for the expedition I was about to depart on. Soon my duffel bag was filled with the necessities and I headed off back downstairs to deliver my bowl and get a few food items for the trip. I knew all about the Dimension Walls, I would have to visit all my Dimension selves and hold a conference to which they are all invited to. I had a long list, and planned to be the boss of the trip. I was going to bring a few friends along with me. First I skyped Jack I had been waiting to tell him of the trip for a while, I logged in to my computer easily and steadily typing in the password and began to log myself into Skype. Soon I found Jack waiting for me, I began to give him the details of the long journey to the Dimensions. Soon as I was talking about the conference Jack suddenly sent me this “I can't hold it anymore!!! I WANT TO COME!!” he cried out over the computer. “of course your coming! 18

Who do u think I am the Boogieman?! I wuld never leave u behind!” I cried in response... How could he think I would leave him behind!? HOW! “u need 2 let me finish.” I sighed a little softer, as my expression slightly altered. “ r comin wit me!”

I finished. Posting a sigh emote to top it all off I sent all of this in paragraphs. Soon his reply came “yah I totes knew dat.. *lie emote” I laughed silently to myself and continued my explanation to the list of people I was going to bring, almost all my friends could come but hey had to think it was all a little game we were all invited to play. After I was done explaining the people I told him to be ready by 5:00 that night and with that I logged off of Skype and finished packing.

“It's Five o' clock dear you better get going!” called my mother, I dashed downstairs and mounted my bike kissed my mum good bye and rode off to Jack's house. The wind was rough as I started riding up the hill that Jack's House was on. I drooped my bike on the top of the hill and

19 sprinted to his door. I ran the doorbell eager to get the other people John was next on my list of people I really didn't want to be late for, and I was eager to not keep him waiting. All the people I was going to pick up were set 30 minutes apart. John was the last person so he would have to to do whatever he wanted to. Jack was first because he's my neighbor. He was easiest to get to. Not that I wanted to get the trip over with. Slowly the door opened a crack and then flung its self open the rest of the way to reveal Jack ready for the trip, he pushed his glasses back into place and grabbed his bike and we were off. I looked up a dimension traveling device and its coordinates and found millions of pictures of doctor Who's

Tardis and a map of Maidens VA, in the center with a big red sloppy X over it was the old warehouse, my dad used to work there when it was a factory. “The Tardis must be there,” I thought to myself. We reached another house and another we were on a roll soon only one person was left Jon is next.

 all seven of us zip over to his house and run to the elegant front door of his house and ring the doorbell in unison everyone except Jack. The door opens gracefully and out pops John's mother's head. We talk for a minute and I ask if John is ready turns out he had a cold and couldn't make it “he had been really looking forward to it,” I explained to his mother. So we all walked slowly back to our bikes and we all sit in the perfectly mowed grass for a minute as I show them all the map and we head for the old warehouse I can tell my friends think I'm crazy but I'm not. We all see the warehouse coming into view and we all sigh in relief we had been riding for an hour to reach it.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Master_Yoda
Review
Master_Yoda wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hey there,

This review is only on the prologue and chapter 1. To be perfectly honest, I find your writing to be extremely difficult to read. This is because you don't seem to have developed any sort of focus to your storytelling.

You have a long journey ahead of you on your path to becoming a good writer, and I don't think it's valuable to flood you with a waterfall of advice at this stage. Instead, I have chosen two pieces of advice that I think you should focus intently on.

The first piece of advice:
Clarity - Your storytelling is unclear. Chalk this down to a number of factors: Poor grammar, poor spelling, a list of commas that should be periods, text message exchanges in netspeak that go on for way too long, and most importantly a failure to break your story down into bite sized chunks.

To hold the attention of an audience, you must let it know precisely where they stand at every point in time. You cannot do that if your grammar is not immaculate. You cannot do that if the path of your story is not clear in your head. You should have digested your story and broken it up into little chunks called scenes, and further still into little chunks called paragraphs. Each scene should represent a view which presents a part of your story and each paragraph should represent a single idea and serve a single purpose. Each paragraph should further be broken down into individual sentences that are strung together to best articulate the point you want your audience to derive.

Work on digesting your story and breaking it up into little chunks, each of which is clear to the reader, and when sewn together form a cohesive story.

Secondly:
Exposition:
You explain in gory detail everything, leaving out nothing that happens during your narrator's day. The nice thing about story telling is that you get to skip over the boring parts. I suggest you do precisely this.

In general, I thought this was an extremely difficult read given the lack of clarity. I also was not really intrigued by anything or anyone. I suggest you continue with your story, taking my advice to heart. It will take a while, but slowly you will develop an interesting and intriguing style.

All the best.

User avatar
PenguinAttack
Review
PenguinAttack wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

Hi Krystal!

So you have a lot of spacing issues here with a lot of random numbers mucking up your line breaks, so I'm a bit confused about what is happening there. You have an interesting concept here, people disappearing because of dimension breaks, I like it. I think that you are moving very quickly through the action, and we really need more from you to get into the story. Right now I don't care at all about Krystal, Jack or anyone who you're talking about, because we're not getting a sense of who they are at all, really. We need a reason to like these people and really get into the problems going on. You move so quickly through all the events that we get no chance at all to get a feel for what is going on.

Your characters do seem very realistic, they act in the way I think teens really do act. Don't forget to separate dialogue by putting each new speaker on a new line, so we don't get confused about who is saying what, and when. You have a lot of description here but I feel like you're wasting it on events which aren't very important. Take your time with the story, let the events unfold more slowly so that we can get into the narrative and follow your characters.

This is a good attempt to begin with, I think your idea is a really good one and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future! Please feel free to hit me up with any questions, queries or just to chat, thanks for posting!

- Penguin.

User avatar
rishabh
Review
rishabh wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

really i agree with krystal, u hv immense talent of writing such stuffs! i like it very much!u are good with ur writing, trendiness, cleanliness......n lot more. ur stuff is clean, but where i seem ur work litle untidy , ur spelling area, connnectivity is good but u are way too faster like after this draft u have to catch a train for Hogwarts! this is not right! write patiently. and please write ur seperate chapters! make one folder and add them statistically.

overall i like ur work! keep writing!

User avatar
Krystal6
Review
Krystal6 wrote a review Review · Jun 30, 2013

I like the story and the main concept of it all but its a little bit to fast, and I found some grammar and spelling errors. Next time maybe you could read it out loud to yourself and make a final edit before publishing. I think you have a great talent for writing and you just need to learn how to embrace it and use it. Over all its a great story. Keep writing!
-Krystal6



We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams.
— Arthur O'Shaughnessy