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Hardship in Africa.

by Krosby


All people who live outside Africa are really enjoying life both financially and academically.

The reason I say that is that in the foreign countries you can access internet easily so you don't have any problem doing research work but in Africa even access to computer is a problem. In Africa every product is increasing day by day. For example the price of Yoghurt in Ghana was 50 pesewas but now the price has increased to 1 Cedi. And because of the exchange rate of the Cedi with the dollar we find it difficult to export things from the U.S to make our pain less difficult.

Even though we produce materials like cocoa,timber,gold,diamond and a lot of tourist sites but  i don't understand why Africa is growing poorer and poorer every single day.So i beg or the philanthropists helping Africa to help us before Africa becomes a disaster.

And i beg all African presidents to stop corruption.


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Wed Nov 05, 2014 7:59 pm
Eldritch wrote a review...



Great article!! It feels proud that you are thinking about your country/ continent. Not everybody's able to think like this.

Well, politicians, it comes in my mind first when i see some country's poor condition. even in my country, politicians are stupid (sorry for this bad word.) i don't just get what fun this fellows get by doing corruption and letting their country to suffer.

Anyway, i know about Africa pretty much. yes, it has resources, tourist attractions. but perhaps, there is needed some exact, right steps to make those really visible to other country's people.

not all of us can do this. the government should take steps.

but, you don't worry, and don't lose hope. i don't know about your age but the youngsters will surely change this world into a better place. i believe this. you believe in yourself too.

don't beg. raise your voice. your country needs brave hearts like you.

-May the Almighty bless you!




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Mon Nov 03, 2014 1:09 am
emeraldfox wrote a review...



Great article! It's very eye-opening to the hardships of African life. Since this was fairly short, I'll review it one paragraph at a time.

Paragraph One
"All people who live outside Africa are really enjoying life both financially and academically."
1. This was pretty good, it could be re-worded to avoid generalizing those who live outside of Africa; there is still poverty and a lack of education elsewhere.

Paragraph Two
1. "The reason I say that is that" could say "I say this because" to avoid overusing the word "that."
2. Add a comma between "research work" and "but."
3. "Access to computer" should be "access to a computer."
4. "Every product is increasing" should be "The price of every product is increasing."
5. "For example" should be followed by a comma.
6. "Export" should be "import"
7. "To make our pain less difficult" should be "to lessen our pain" or "for ease"

Paragraph Three
1. "Cocoa,timber,gold,diamond" should have spaces after each word.
2. "And a lot of tourist sites but" should be "and have a lot of tourists sites" followed by a comma and ommitting the word "but."
3. "Every single day.So i beg" should have a space between "day." and "so."
4. "So I beg or the philanthropists helping Africa to help us before Africa becomes a disaster." should be "I beg philanthropists to support Africa before it becomes a disaster."

Paragraph Four
"And i beg all African presidents to stop corruption."
I would omit this paragraph because the essay is more concluded if you left this out and it is not relevant to African trade.

I would also add a personal anectode from life in Africa if you have been or lived there. If you haven't, you could share one family's story to add some personality to the essay. Just remember punctuation rules, capitalization, and spaces. But otherwise, you had a very insightful essay that makes people think about what life is like in Africa and how they can help.




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Sun Nov 02, 2014 3:14 pm
erilea wrote a review...



Hello, Krosby! Welcome to Young Writers Society!

First thing I noticed-there should be a space after those commas. Second, always capitalize those i's. Third, a space after the period. The second sentence also should say, "So I beg the philanthropists helping Africa to help us before Africa..." instead of what you put. The last sentence also isn't a very good ending. I think you should add on more, and instead of putting it by itself, put it with the other paragraph. Lastly, the first sentence in this chunk should take out the "but".

"Even though we produce materials like cocoa,timber,gold,diamond and a lot of tourist sites but i don't understand why Africa is growing poorer and poorer every single day.So i beg or the philanthropists helping Africa to help us before Africa becomes a disaster.

And i beg all African presidents to stop corruption."

Keep writing-you have good talent. Flaunt it!

-wisegirl22




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Sun Nov 02, 2014 1:44 pm
yellow says...






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Sun Nov 02, 2014 12:16 pm
AaricaRae wrote a review...



This is sad :( I'm kind of confused though. Do you live in Africa? What part? Were you born there?
Give some detail in the background of this article. What are pesewas? What are Cedis? You said the products were increasing. Do you mean the prices?
You also have a few grammatical errors that you should look into.
Proof reading is a great habit to form.
Keep writing, and welcome to YWS :)
~Aarica




Krosby says...


I come from Ghana and the currency we use are the cedi and pesewa. And this was my first article so i will heed to ur advice




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