In this house

I really enjoyed your poem I liked the sense of imagery. I liked how I was able visually picture it all. I am thrilled your were able to come up with such a creative piece. The ending was quite clever. It was funny how you described the feeling of the house and ghosts and then poof nothing. Well done young writer. Very good. I was intrigued from the beginning. Keep it up!!!!(:

hello there kristen
so this is a very good poem that i really enjoyed reading ..
i'll start with the idea which i found very interesting and full of emotions , but what i would change is the title it's kinda simple.

moving on ..

for the words and the expressions , they were simple but strong and expressive , also the rhyme the punctuation are good "well done"
the descriptions are so good especially this one "You bound me to these walls, doomed to forever stay and bleed. "
my favourite part :
"We can talk to the scars on my wrists and laugh at the puddle of blood on the floor. "
i looove it , the imagery is great and it gave the whole poem a nice touch .

overall ..

this is a nice poem , keep up writing

smile

Not bad.

CesareBorgia here for a review.

You still linger in this house, this empty, broken place where I used to be happy.

Since this is a poem- I will attempt to interpret it's meaning. I'm thinking that this means that she had once lived in this house and it brought her peace. But when she left, she was sad.


I see your shadow walking along the wall, somehow, in the darkness of this home.

I am not quite sure if this means that there is a ghost in the house or not. This leaves the reader to put that to interpretation.

You're alive, breathing, forever in this place.

I think that that means that the spirit lives on eternally.


You bound me to these walls, doomed to forever stay and bleed.


This makes me think that she/he is being tortured


I'll stay, and I'll tell myself I'll have your ghost to keep my company.


Done with interpretations, time for review.

This review will be short because I'm not good at long ones.

So the poem in it's self was very good. The rhytm was amazing. But the poem would be better if it didn't have all the periods.

Poetry is meant to defy the rules of grammar. That is why it was created. Next time take out the periods.

That's all. All in all, great story. Keep writing.

Heggo!

There are some very miserable overtones in this work. XD
(In a nice way)

'You still linger in this house, this empty, broken place where I used to be happy.' - the emphasis here is on the emptiness of the house and the situation. It makes quite a bold, but dark point.

'I'll stay, and I'll tell myself I'll have your ghost to keep my company.' I think this sentence is a prime example of the fact that you write in quite long, drawn out prose. It can be quite difficult to swallow when reading.
I would maybe suggest breaking the sentences up a bit more, or removing some of the word. The syntax definitely needs adjusting.

Other than that, good writing.