Oh Taylor Conner! What do you have me wearing!?! I had on a alligator print bathing siut, that showed everything I had! Which is as much as Taylor, and she is a year older than me! I walk out, and obviously shy with how much it revealed. I looked up at Taylor, her mom, and her friend, waiting for them to say you can go change into something else if you prefer. But nope, ya know what they did. Gasp!
"Ohmigosh Kristen! You are so freaking tan! Ohmigosh that bathing siut looks so good on you!!!!"
Not what I expected, but I get what I get. I ain't getting out of this one. If only my parents could see me now; I'd have my tail skinned! I walk out of their camper to see Ryan, and his friend, Chris staring at me. I, as a reflex, quickly put my arms around myself. I shouldn't have done that, because that just made it worse.
"Well giddy on up, Kristen. Times a wasting", said Ryan, his country ass being all smart! Ugh! But I gotta say, for a cousin, he is very cute. No wonder he gets all the girls he wants.
"Are you ready Kristen?", Chris said is a cute shy way. Gosh! Was he fine! Him not being my cousin, I can flirt with him all I want. But I had no chance with Taylor and her friend there. They were older than me and frankly prettier.
I wobbled in the muddy water, hoping I didn't step on everything and fall. That would be very embarrassing, and put me way under the radar. Which equals no chance with Chris. I hoped on the back of the jet ski, Ryan had already gotten on, he was the driver, and I sat behind him. I gripped the black straps of his life jacket. I am not going to fly off this time. Chris hoped on after me, he also grabbed Ryan's life jacket. I nearly fell off then, I liked the feeling of his arms around me. I felt warm and safe, that was until Ryan started to drive. Nothing but speed was he! We went on and on, and I didn't mind it, Chris was behind me, arms wrapped around me. Ryan began to slow down, and Chris removed his arms around me. There was a sudden gust of cold wind, he was gone.
"LOOK A ALLIGATOR!", screamed Ryan. I quickly looked, and they both laughed. I fell for it. Hey I might be wearing his brother and I didn't want trouble with a alligator.
Instead of getting mad, I just simply smiled. I looked at both of them, and they were in shock that I just smiled. Ha ha fooled ya! With that he went full speed in five seconds, Chris arms quickly reached around me and grabbed Ryan. Ahh, the warm, safe feeling was back. We took off back to the campsite. Ryan hoped off, but Chris stayed on, so I knew we weren't done. And we weren't. Ryan went and got a knee board. Oh great!
"Kristen, you wanna go first", Ryan said. I saw a little hint of amusement behind that questions.
"Um....defiantly not!". No way in hell am I getting anywhere near the back of this jet ski, and being pulled by a single, un trustworthy rope.
They both just laughed. Ryan has the loudest and obnoxious laugh, but Chris has a soft "chuckle" to him that is so cute. Man I got the Chris fever! Darn him for being so attractive and cute!
Ryan strapped himself onto the kneeboard, and gave a thumbs up. It took him few tries just to get up, but he managed. I had my back against Chris cause I was tired of leaning over and I didn't really feel that safe without him behind me. After a few hard falls, Ryan gave up. It was Chris's turn. This should be fun!
Chris had a very hard time getting up, and probably because he was embarrassed that I was there to witness his falls. I thought it was cute. After a few times, Chris gave up. So we rode back to the campsite, and decided it was time for some dinner.
We all ate together, and it wasn't once quiet. Most of it was Taylor flirting with Chris, Chris ignoring her, Taylor's friend hitting on Ryan, and Ryan ignoring her, and me sitting there smiling at the right time, and singing along with the song.
"Dang, Kristen you talk to much", Chris said. I was pretty surprised that he said it and not Ryan, but I just smiled.
"What you scared of us farmer boys?", said Ryan, that I expected cause he said it in a über fake country way. I just smiled. It was really awkward because one minute everybody was talking bout a song, then all eyes are on me. Now when I'm around friends, I would say something smart, but here I had nothing to say.
"Well I say we go take us s journey round the block for some deer huntin". Oh Ryan, what is gonna happen to your country ass when it gets out of high school?
We all hoped in the truck and rode around, blaring Hank Williams, and everybody was shocked I knew the words and Taylor didn't. To tell ya the truth, I don't like being compared to Taylor at all. We are nothing a like, and I'm pretty sure she hates me. I don't know why, but. All we saw was a armadillo, and we almost ran it over. We went back, and the boys walked me home, and said good bye. That was sweet.
"Hey...um...Kristen. Do ya wanna come to the bonfire tonight?" Chris said. Ryan had already started back to their camper.
"Yea sure Chris. Um what should I wear?" STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Why in the world did i ask that question! Ugh! I'm such a goober sometimes.
"Um...nothing fancy... Justa bonfire...jeans and a t-shirt....um...do ya wanna ride with me?" boy you have no idea! I would go to china if I was with you.
"I guess. Thanks. Um ya wanna come in or ya wanna stay out here. Grandparents are back yet". Please stay, please stay, please, please, please!!!!
"Um sure...why not?".
We sat and talked then watched a movie. Then I looked away from the movie to see Chris staring at me. Did I have something on my face? Thats when I looked into the deep blue eyes of his. Gosh they were pretty! He leaned in and I knew that he was gonna kiss me. He was gonna give me my first kiss, and he was they type of boy I would always want to have! I felt his soft lips graze my lips, and that's when I leaned in.
There was a crash of sparks, that made me smile in between kisses. He stopped and pulled away, I opened my eyes to see the most gorgeous smile I had ever seen. I just smiled, I guess because of his smile. I was one of those crooked smile, the ones that you only see in the movies. He kissed me one more time, soft and gentle. Then we watched the movie. We laid down and he draped his strong safe arm around me. And we went to sleep together just like that.
That night I went to sleep with a smile on my face due to Chris.
That morning I woken up by Ryan's voice, I quickly jumped out of bed. I looked up, and there he was With extremely shocked face on.
"Nice bed head, Chris and Kristen"
Hope ya like it:)
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Izzy said it all, you need to review this story. The chat lingo is okay to use as dialogue if it fits for the characters and their personalities because that's a way of talking but for the narration, it would probably be better to stick with proper English.
This piece was cute, I loved it. It was light and enjoyable for me
Keep writing!
-Truth-
Hey Kristen. Just read your piece and It really made me laugh, reminded me off how thought flow freely through someone head. By the way before I review, Welcome to YWS, I've been on this site for over a year now and it really helps you with your writing, plus you get to talk to lots of like-minded people
Have you ever read the Georgia Nickelson books, your writing reminded me a lot of those.
I'm just going to point out a few things I think you should change. When writing there is no point in overusing exclamation marks and question marks, such as
This doesn't do anything to illustrate the surprise or annoyance of the main character. It's better just to leave it as "What do you have me wearing?"
-You also need to carefully fish through this and correct all the grammar as there are many silly mistakes such as leaving out commas and capital letters in place they shouldn't be.
-You also begin to describe many things such as the bathing suit, Chris's cuteness and the surroundings. However you only scratch the surface of description, giving the readers not much of an image of your main character and the story. Try to use adjectives, metaphors and similes to give the readers a really good image.
-One thing I also noticed was the use to 'chat language' or 'text language' such as 'cause', 'ohmigosh' and many others. This doesn't sound good, it's better to write the full forms of words
Overally I actually did like this, it made me laugh but the grammar and bad wording distracted me from its hilarity. In future I would proof-read your work carefully and make sure you use language that is suitable for your story! Keep writing and I hope to see you around the site!
Izzy xx