Published March 26, 2005
Always keep your memories,
Of the good times, and the bad.
But most of all think happy thoughts,
About the good times we have had.
Remember the way I used to smile,
The kisses that we shared.
Always know that I loved you heaps,
And that I always cared.
Just know that I will always love you,
No matter what you’ve done.
Live and love, enjoy your life,
And have a lot of fun!
I wrote this a while ago - hope this is the right forum for it. See if you can figure out what it's about...you probably won't be able to, but that's okay, since I wrote this poem mainly for me.
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140,223 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
good meter most of the time. first stanza is slightly irregular; perhaps drop two in the second line or add some to the first, and keep the beat through the rest. of the whole piece. read it aloud, maybe, and tap your hand on your desk or somesuch.
also consider the last line a bit. "have a lot of fun." cliche? a little. if you could find something more lyrical than "a lot," that would help considerably.
otherwise, nicely done.
This was okay. Here's some suggestions:
The first line caught your attention and that was good and the second line was okay. I really, really didn't like the 'think happy thoughts' part and the last line wasn't that great. If you changed the second two lines, this might be a firm beginning.
I didn't like this stanza at all. I loved you heaps? that was really weird. "And that I always cared," wa pretty good, but the rest was poor.
Okay, this was the part I really didn't like. It seemed a really surfaced and too happy ending. I definitely did NOT like your last line. That really destroyed my opinion of the poem. This seemed really surfaced and didn't touch me at all. This poem really didn't make you think and just didn't do it for me. If you went deeper into the subject and maybe took it from a different angle, it might be better, but I really didn't like this very much. Keep writing though! Your beginning was pretty good.
Thanks. Like I said, I mainly wrote it for myself. I was missing my Dad a little (he passed away last year), so I decided to write some poetry.
I like this, but it seems a little simple, and it doesn't involve the reader's emotions that much. I think that this particular topic is a bit cliched, But I did enjoy this.