Published February 8, 2012
Being held against my will is not something I like. They pinned her hands with blades into the gray brick wall. Blinding rage was fuming inside me, I wanted to unleash it. But they didn't stop there. It's almost like they exchanged a few words before My arch-rival drew his blade closer to her chest. And then...the world stopped when she was impaled..........it's coming.......my untapped power. My captor died a horrible death when I broke free. Even though he was not human he was ripped apart beyond repair.
Note: Sorry for not finishing and only doing part of this. But I just needed to blow off some stream.
Feel free to tear apart my writing. Never really tried writing that much so I don't know my style.
Thanks!
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,596 Reviews
Kopaka! Dont worry! XD I won't tear this apart!
I liked this. It was short but gave us a really deep insight into the guy's mind. That's only something you can do in poems, in my opinion. XP
Over here:
"But they didn't stop there. It's almost like they exchanged a few words before My arch-rival drew his blade closer to her chest."
The "My" should be a "my", am I right?
"And then...the world stopped when she was impaled..........it's coming.......my untapped power. My captor died a horrible death when I broke free. Even though he was not human he was ripped apart beyond repair."
Over here, yeah, like Zo said,
Exactly. We could have gotten more information for that part. And the dots... Dude, it's just three!
Otherwise, I really liked this and I see your writing style as sort of medieval and romantic.
Based on what I read of your works before. XD
Keep writing! And I hope to hear from you soon too! ^u^
oh hey thanks! yeah I was just blowing off steam when I did this. This is actually to a much bigger part of a story.
hehehehehee....(evil laugh)
lets do this thing!
Great...thing you got there ko.(I can't tell if it's the prologue or begining of chapter 1, You might want to note on that)
Well I liked all of it. It was short but I got alot out of it, but the part where you wrote that the captor was dead felt to short. You could have maybe added more info there. Maybe something about how he died or maybe effects of the power , something. You could just leave it that way.It's up to you.
The last sentence you wrote could have been worded better.It was a bit out of tune,well at least to me it was, woth the rest of the paragraph.
Moving on to the ellipsis...the dot thingy...It should just be thre dots not gajillion(it's too small for me to count)
You said your not sure about style but this one seems all right. I don't see any typo's...so far except the end.How do you blow off a stream?
This is way too short. Try and lengthen it more.I think it would be great.
hope I helped
-zo
It's a great start! I actually like the suspense, though I don't quite understand what's going on but I think I might sorta... It's not poorly written, or anything like the sorts. I think a little more detail and fleshing out is all it needs. Unless you want that mystery, then disregard that. I hope you post more of this, as well because it really has the potential to be interesting and worth being read
And to you unknown style- write what you want without a style. It's much more... freeing that way, plus it'll come to you whenever