People say there is no such thing as magic,
but what is magic any more than a miracle,
something wonderful.
No, there is no Abracadabra,
And there is no Expelliarmus.
But magic doesn’t have to be the feat of a wizard or witch.
Magic can be done by you and I,
it happens everyday.
Can you say there is no magic,
in the way a mother loves her child?
Can you say there is no magic.
in the way friends stand up for each other?
Can you say there is no magic in the way,
that an older sibling gives their time to help,
their younger brother or sister on homework?
These things may not be what you think of as magic.
But there is magic when we give something to someone else,
Something non material.
Our time.
Our love.
Our support.
Something you can never buy,
but you can always earn.
Something you can’t go down to walmart and find
So when you say,
"There is no magic."
You may be right,
there are no sorcerers,
there are no talking animals,
and there are no wands that make spells.
There is no,
little boy with a lightning shape Scar.
There is no,
gray wizard with a staff and fireworks.
Some people say there is no such thing as magic,
but I say, "There is to me."
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This doesn't really feel like a poem, it just feels like a paragraph with line breaks, even though the writing is really good.
I really love the words and mean ing to your poem but I feel its kind of hard to read because you didn't put that much punctuation it. Punctuation shows when and where the pauses should be. You really have a great poem but for further notice make sure you add punctuation where u want your reader to pause. I know it gets frustrating but it really is necessary in order for your reader to fully understand it.
Hey there! clogs here to review!
I'm just going to jump right in and talk about organization: I'm not really getting much out of the short lines. To me, they feel kind of random and choppy, especially since there's no punctuation to accomplish it. In my head, it reads like:
That's not a natural way for readers to read this at all. Sometimes short lines and lack of punctuation can be used to create a specific effect, but in this case, I don't think that this was your intention. Try longer lines; they might help with the fluidity of this. Punctuation is a stylistic choice, but in this case I'd recommend just adding normal punctuation-- that is, punctuating as if this were prose. For example, the lines quoted above with longer lines and grammatical punctuation might look like this:
That way the readers hear the inflection of the question in their head and are able to pause in more natural places. It's totally up to you to decide how to experiment with these things, so don't be afraid to place around with line breaks and punctuation.
I also feel like this could be split up into stanzas. It's not exactly necessary, but I feel like it could help split up and organize some ideas. Formatting poetry in stanzas on YWS can be hard, so here's an article that might help you:
How to Format Poetry
Now that I've finished the technical stuff, I can move onto content.
This poem has a clear idea of what it's doing, which I like. It presents its topic, gives examples, and wraps it up. It's almost formulaic in that sense, which I like. I think that your examples in the middle section could be a bit stronger. You could bring some more powerful language to it. For instance, "friends standing up for each other" is quite a generic image. You could add more detail and imagery about who they're standing up to and why. Create small scenarios with just enough detail for the reader to poke their head in for a few lines and be able to feel like they've entered a different world.
I appreciated the Harry Potter references, being a huge Potterhead. XD
I feel like this poem gets a bit preachy. What I mean by that is that you start talking directly to the reader a bit too much. For instance, all the lines that start with "can you say there is no magic in x" are talking to the reader as if presuming that they disagree with you. I, as a die-hard skeptic, am immediately inclined to say, "Well, actually, yes I can say that!" Make sure your poetry isn't telling the reader what to do. Try just to state what you want to say and let the reader decide their opinion for themselves.
There's a section in this article about preachy poetry that you might find helpful: Editing for Emotion
I think that's about all I have to say about this poem. I did enjoy reading it, and I hope this review helps you! Keep on writing!
I'm wondering how do I make spaces?
Do you mean spaces between stanzas? There are a couple of ways to do that, as described in that article I linked you to. I like using shift enter when I'm making new lines and stanzas, but if you're having trouble with that, you can put some sort of minor punctuation (like --- or ~) in between stanzas to make them stay apart.
I like how you added Harry Potter into the poem. Overall I like this poem more than most because it got me thinking about the topic, without getting me depressed. More than anything it made me think of space, I consider space to be the most magical, with all of its endlessness and it's colors! Ohhh! I just love space so much!
Keep writing! It was great!
PS. The more space the better.
-Above them all
This is a cool concept. I like how you used Harry Potter Gandalf. I wish his fireworks were real!