Words are weak

by KnightlyAngel09
  • June 19, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Other

Spoiler! :
You will notice the odd punctuation. I did not mean for it to be correct grammatically. Punctuation, I believe, isn't strictly a grammatical tool in poetry. It was for a different purpose entirely, and feel free to say whether or not I have abused the comma. I was reading poems by Jose Garcia Villa and he had a poem that used commas... very differently.



Words, so feeble, how do, I say
All I need, to say, futile
These words, traced, on paper
So thin, so easy
To crush, to crumple
To throw.

A waste, of space, thin lines
That loop, and swirl, and meaning
Is lost, in synonyms, of fear, doubt
That shakes, my hand, I write
Ink blots, I hope, will stain
Your heart.

Words, so what? In vain,
I speak, I stumble,
My lips—they tremble.
So feeble, so feeble.

I think, I wish, to speak
My heart, but now, I falter
I fail, I fall,
silent.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Cluedo Review
Cluedo wrote a review · Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:48 am

I've got pretty much the same comment as the two reviews above me here. I think the poem was interesting, a valid experiment but could get confusing at times... Or maybe that's just me...
I did have one suggestion and this is merely preference so feel free to think it's rubbish and ignore it.
The last word 'silent': I liked the way you haven't capitalised it but then by putting it in italics you seem to have drawn attention to it and these two choices of structure seem to contradict.
Carry on writing

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MissScarlett Review
MissScarlett wrote a review · Sun Jun 19, 2011 7:42 am

I agree with the fact that commas aren't only to be used in a grammatically correct way within poems. Having said that, I think at times it is hard to follow the poem. It is quite a difficult read and I had to keep stopping and starting in the places that I got stuck.
The struggle was worth it though and I think you conveyed the message really well :)
Keep it up!

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tgirly
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tgirly commented · Sun Jun 19, 2011 5:30 am

I like the way you use commas, you're right, they aren't meant strictly for grammatical use in poetry. Nice poem. i really liked the last stanza the best, it's realistic and the the last stanza is nicely dramatic.



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