On a park bench he is sitting,
old and weathered by the rain;
both the man and wood is branded
by life and time’s injurious stains.
His gray eyes flicker to the path,
where he dreams she will appear;
a girl who left so long ago,
and yet ‘til now, he still holds dear.
When he was young, here he would sit;
with the girl that went away;
the park bench then shone out so new;
while now both bench and man are gray.
Here he waits out light and shadow;
ten then twenty winters passed;
and all who looked at him would wonder:
will the girl return at last?
And the man is still there sitting,
gray eyes shine a moment more;
weary now, he closed his eyelids
and then he saw his much adored.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I really liked this piece. It flowed nicely for the most part, though there were a few parts where I was just a little iffy. But it was really pretty and very sad. The way you spaced things out and how the stanzas flowed were really nice too. So overall it was a nice piece. I might try to adjust a word here and there, just for the sake of better flow, though it's good enough that you really don't need to change anything. Keep up the good work =]
First off, I love that song, which is why I read your poem. Ahahaha.
So cute!Secondly, your poem is really good! I loved it. The flow and imagery were both great. The story was also good and easy to follow. My favourite part was the ending.
Anyways, loved the poem <3 Keep up the good work!