On a park bench he is sitting,
old and weathered by the rain;
both the man and wood is branded
by life and time’s injurious stains.
His gray eyes flicker to the path,
where he dreams she will appear;
a girl who left so long ago,
and yet ‘til now, he still holds dear.
When he was young, here he would sit;
with the girl that went away;
the park bench then shone out so new;
while now both bench and man are gray.
Here he waits out light and shadow;
ten then twenty winters passed;
and all who looked at him would wonder:
will the girl return at last?
And the man is still there sitting,
gray eyes shine a moment more;
weary now, he closed his eyelids
and then he saw his much adored.
I really liked this piece. It flowed nicely for the most part, though there were a few parts where I was just a little iffy. But it was really pretty and very sad. The way you spaced things out and how the stanzas flowed were really nice too. So overall it was a nice piece. I might try to adjust a word here and there, just for the sake of better flow, though it's good enough that you really don't need to change anything. Keep up the good work =]
First off, I love that song, which is why I read your poem. Ahahaha.
Secondly, your poem is really good! I loved it. The flow and imagery were both great. The story was also good and easy to follow. My favourite part was the ending.
So cute!And the man is still there sitting,
gray eyes shine a moment more;
weary now, he closed his eyelids
and then he saw his much adored.
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