Drainpipe
My dear, come in;
wipe your muddy boots on our soft white carpet
and throw your soaking coat on the floor.
You see, I don’t think anyone’s going to notice
the mess you’re making anymore.
Please, leave your soiled clothes on the bed;
because I’m done doing our laundry in the front yard,
with the neighbors all privy to the stains on your shirts
and the rips on my dress.
Leave the dishes unwashed, the bedclothes unfolded,
you know that’s not the mess we’re supposed to be fixing.
The drainpipe’s clogged again, honey, and we’ve got all this
shit just floating around our sink.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
Hey there, Knightly!
(How is it I always seem to forget that you’re not a new member. *head/desk* I was totally about to welcome you to YWS.)
The thing I want you to keep in mind is that free verse refrains from rhyme and rhythm. So when you’re writing free verse, in a way you have very little to worry about. But in another way, you still have a lot to worry about. T.S. Eliot said it best when he said, “No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job." You can write free verse pretty much however you like, but to do it well, because there are no rules, you almost have to do more work but I think you pulled it off pretty well Knightly!
This line, I think, really says the most about this poem because of that chunk in italic. It speaks volumes and even though it is important, you didn’t make it glaringly important. It fits snug in its place in the poem.
The only part of this that I actually am not so fond of is your use of italics on the word “$h*t” but that’s just my personal dislike in using italics or bolding for that matter, in poetry.
I definitely enjoyed the conflict that’s buried under here between order and chaos. I feel like I get it, but I’m not sure how to put what I feel you’re trying to get across into words if that makes sense. And that just makes me like this even more, Knightly. There isn’t much I can really be “helpful” about because there wasn’t much wrong with this, not much at all.
*likes*
If you have any questions or need anything else, then give me a ring!
I like this piece =] It has substance to it and the writing style in general is spectacular. I don't know how to word it... but it gives me this strange feeling and when I picture it I see this rich family actually, I'm going to go against the previous comment, and I see them just not giving a damn anymore. A broken home. I personally think that all works of literature should be interpreted by the reader, there should never be a written out map of what exactly its supposed to be. But I'd love to hear why you wrote it, what inspired you to write this piece. It's really good and I don't see anything particularly wrong with it.
For some reason, I found this creepy. As well as depressing. And it made me think the characters were poor. I though it was powerful. In some way.