Published August 14, 2009
This is quite rough.XD Comments and reviews well appreciated.
Pay my respects to grace and virtue
Send my condolences to good
Hear my regards to soul and romance
They always did the best they could
-Human, The Killers
I dare you, declare me human;
Tell me that I shall die, and that no trace
Of the timeless grace of my limbs
Will be left upon this Earth.
Tell me that my memory shall fade
And that the curve of my arms,
Or the lightness of my feet will
Never be rehearsed on a stage.
Tell me that my gentle touch
Upon your shoulder will not burn a hole
Straight to your soul and ignite
The passion undulating through time.
Tell me that I am only, meekly human
And that my outstretched arms
As I spin like a star
Will not touch the fringes of the universe.
Tell me that I retain humanity, even though
I take control of the forces of nature
And lead them in a passionate dance
Across the ballroom of the universe.
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140,396 Literary Works • 673,155 Reviews
Omg, Angel, this touched me! I can't find the words to describe how much I love this. It's definitely one of the top ten best poems I've ever read on YWS (not that I keep track of such things).
I can't honestly find anything wrong with this, so I'll just point out great things!
Example:
Here, I have two comments. The first one is that the repetition of arms isn't much flattering to the poem, but then the outstretched gives it a nice touch.
Second, one would think that the second line I quoted would ruin your flow, but incredibly it doesn't! I love how it sounds
So, you kept the flow and your imagery/emotion was brilliant. I'm sorry for this poor review, but it is what happens when I have so little to say or no wrongs to point out.
Favorite part:
This poem has a human/soul touch to it that frightens and amazes me. This is very well written. Based on this poem, I would buy a book of your poems ^.^
Loved it! *clicks on the starry thing*
-Kat-
Wow...its beautifull......i love it!
just BEAUTIFUL!
sorry, i can't find anything to criticize...
love yah bf!