Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
ACT ONE:
SCENE ONE
LUKE
(Shakes TOM's shoulder)
Tom. Tom. Tom, wake up. Get up.
TOM
Luke? (rubbing his eyes and sits up)(shock) Luke, your face? What happened? Did you get in trouble with father again?
LUKE
I was finding a way to escape. I went to the back door in the kitchen. Father was in the living room, watching TV. When I opened the door, sneaky and slowly, someone pushed it and I turned that it was father. (Angrily) Damn it, I almost got it. But I was caught.
(LUKE sits near the window)
TOM
Then father punched you? After he saw you?
(LUKE looks at Tom with no answer)
(TOM approaches Luke)
TOM
What were you thinking? If father finds out that you are running away, he’ll kill you.
LUKE
It’s better to runaway from this old place, rather than living with an old man who doesn’t care for his own son. He doesn’t even care for you, too, Tom.
TOM
I don’t think that’s true.
LUKE
(standing up; facing Tom)
Oh, you know its true. (walks to the door...)
TOM
Father loves us Luke. He needs us. More than anything. You gotta believe that.
LUKE
(Shouted)
NO, HE DOES NOT. (Looks at Tom; angrily) Can’t you see where we are staying now? Other than our rooms, both of us stay in this old basement. The windows are in bars. We can’t even go to school anymore. Face it Tom, we are like prisoners in this place. How could he even do this to us? To his own children?
TOM
(In monotone)
That’s...(shaking his head) I...I can’t
LUKE
(cont’d)
Remember what happen after mom passed away...(Approaches Tom) he became nothing. Nothing but hopelessness in his life. It's been 9 years he did this to us. We couldn't eat properly. We can only eat a meal per day. We can't live like this anymore.
TOM
Father wasn’t like that...before
LUKE
He is now. Listen Luke, its just us now. We have to stick together. Taking for each other. Okay, Tom.
TOM
But, what about father?
LUKE
What about him?
TOM
Are we just...gonna leave him here? By himself?
LUKE
He is on his own now. C'mon, he is an old man now. He can live by himself. Now its our turn to live in our own.
TOM
But still, Luke how can we —
(There is a bang on the door. TOM is shock. LUKE holds Tom's hand. And back away)
(SEAN enters in. He grabs Luke's shirt and pulls him up)
SEAN
(Angrily)
If you try...to runaway...from this house...one more time. I'm gonna cut your legs and you will never be able to walk...or run...ever again. (He pulls Luke closer) You got that, kid.
LUKE
Even if I don’t have legs, I can still get out. Who would want to stay in this hell old house, anyway. And living with a DISGUSTING OLD MAN like you.
SEAN
(Raising his right fist)
(TOM holds Sean’s left hand, where he pulls Luke up, and tries to stop him.)
TOM
Father! Please! Stop this! Luke didn’t mean what he said. Please! Put him down. Stop fighting!
LUKE
You don’t even care about your sons. So why do you even bother?
SEAN
(Holding his breath)
You killed my wife. You killed her.YOU KILLED HER.
LUKE
(shakes his head and speaks his monotone) I didn't. I didn't kill her. I would do such a thing. I would never ever kill my own mother. Just as you try to kill your own son.
TOM
Father, please. Calm down. You know it was an accident. He never meant to kill her. Please father. Please. Stop fighting!
(SEAN drops Luke to the floor and looks at Tom)
SEAN
Shut up you little brat. I remember you were also there with them. (Grabs Tom's shirt)So I kill you.
LUKE
(Shouts) GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OF MY BROTHER.
(LUKE pushes Sean to the floor and hurriedly approaches Tom)
(SEAN gets up)
SEAN
I'm gonna kill you. I WILL...GOING TO...KILL...BOTH OF YOU.
(SEAN went for the door. Closes it and lock)
(SEAN exits)
LUKE
Are you okay? Did you get hurt?
TOM
I'm okay. He didn't do anything to me anyway.
LUKE
You shouldn't get yourself involve Tom. What if he tries to kill you? How can you defend yourself?
TOM
But he didn't. So its okay. I just...wanted to save you.
LUKE
I won't. Because I'm stronger than him. I can fight him. Now you know what he did, do you still love father?
TOM
I...I —
(TOM looks down, sadly)
LUKE
I don't.Not anymore. That's why we have to get away from this place. Away from him. We don't live here anymore, Tom. He doesn't need us.
TOM
(TOM looks up at Luke)
But how? How can we runaway? I'm sure father is always there —
LUKE
We'll do it midnight, when father is asleep. You know father gets tired all the time. After drinking so much bear, he gets drunk.
TOM
Okay, then.
LUKE
Don't worry. We can get through this. We'll be out of here in no time.
TOM
But the thing is, Luke, how can we survive? The nearest town is far from here.
LUKE
Then, we'll steal something.
TOM
Stealing is a crime, Luke.
LUKE
(laughs)Yes, I know. I was just kidding. You know its been a while that I laugh like this. The last time I laughed was...(low tone) on the day of the car crash with mom and you.(Sadly) I...shouldn't have come. I could have stay at home and not to be a bother.
TOM
Don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault at all.It was an accident.
LUKE
But I am the reason why we are living like this. I am the cause of the problem. Not you.
(A moment of silence)
LUKE
(cont'd)
Tom, once we get out, let's visit mom. Okay? I just feel like I want to apologize to her.
TOM
Okay. I'm starting to miss our mom already.
LUKE
Me too. Okay Tom, that's our promise.
(The door is unlock and hits on the wall)
(SEAN enters in the room)
(Without thinking, SEAN grabs Tom's hand and pulls him to follow to where he is going.)
(TOM looks frighten)
(LUKE follows)
LUKE
Hey, what are you doing? Where are you taking him? (shouts) HEY! I'M TALKING TO YOU. Let go of —
SEAN
(Grabbing his knife and points at in front of Luke's face)
Shut your mouth, or I'll cut this brat's throat out. Try anything funny, kid? And you will be dead.
TOM
It's alright, Luke. I will be fine.
(Holds on the doorknob. Close it the door and locks it)
(SEAN and TOM exits)
LUKE
(Approaches the door. Trying to open it)
No! No no no no! (shouts) NO! This can't be happening.Let go of my brother, you drunkard...(bangs on the door) Tom! TOM! HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME? HEY!Dammit.
(Roams around the room)
I'm gonna kill that old man if he tries to hurt Tom. He is dead. I will punch his face to the ground. His nose will break, he won't be able to breath. His eyes will blind, he won't be able to see. And I will cut his tongue out, he won't be able to talk. (Breaths in) I won't be sorry for him. He is gonna pay.
(Doors open normally)
(TOM enters in the room with a plate of cookies and a glass of of milk on his hands)
LUKE
(Approaches Tom)
Tom, are you okay? Did he hurt you?
TOM
I...I'm okay. He is...uhmm...
LUKE
Are you alright? Is there something wrong Tom? Your voice is shaking.
TOM
Oh, it is nothing. Really. Do you want a cookie?
LUKE
Are you sure? You're sure that you are okay.
TOM
Luke, I'm fine. You have to believe me.
LUKE
Okay then, if you say so. I'm just worried for you, you know. Father always calls you for no reason. And he comes in, pulling you out of the room. That's little different.
TOM
No, he just wants me to bring you cookies and a milk.
LUKE
(Grabs one cookie)
That's strange. Everyday he would bring us nothing but rice and fish. Sometimes he gives us nothing. Cookies? That's rare for him to give us something like that.
TOM
That's because he loves us, Luke. He's sorry that he blamed you, and hurt you for no reason.
LUKE
That's...that's not true. I don't believe you.
TOM
Luke, trust me on this. You gotta believe what I'm trying to tell you. Have you notice why I'm all clean today. Every time he calls me, he would give me bruises and wounds on my body. Yes, I was afraid when he pulled me out of the room because I knew that he will hurt. But I was surprised that he didn't do it.
LUKE
What did father say?
TOM
N-nothing. What he did was giving me cookies and a milk. That's all. It's alright now, Luke. I...I think we should stay. There is no reason for us to runaway. Father really needs us. He doesn't want to be alone.
LUKE
How can you tell that?
TOM
I just can.
LUKE
(stares at Tom for awhile and he looks away)
You know what...(grabs a cookie and takes a bite)...I think he is just lying to you. I don't believe anything of that. This cookie is delicious. Mmmhm!
TOM
We haven't had any sweets for a while already. I'm grateful that he gave us this.
LUKE
But look, Tom, I think he was just playing — (LUKE starts coughing and drops the cookie on the floor)(cough)(cough) m-my throat...it hurts...(cough)(cough) I...I can't breath..
(Falls in his knees, lies down, and continue coughing even more)
LUKE
Wh-what did you put in those cookies? What's in there? (Trying to breath) Hey, I'm asking you Tom. What's in those cookies?
(TOM didn't say anything)
LUKE
Why are you not saying? (cough)(cough)I-I need air. Tom...quick...call the ambulance...I-I can't breath...agh!
(Heard steps on the floor)
(SEANS enters the room)
LUKE
Wh-what are you doing here? Get out. (Shouts) I SAID GET OUT!
SEAN
(place his hand on Tom's shoulder)
Good work, son. You made me proud.You defeated the murderer.
LUKE
T-Tom? Wh-what is he talking about? Hey! (shouts) ANSWER ME!
TOM
Those cookies has poison, Luke. I followed what father told me to do. He knew about your plans. He knew what was going on.
LUKE
What...are you talking you about?
TOM
I told him everything.
LUKE
What?
TOM
Every time he calls me, he would ask me what was going on? What we were talking about? Everything.
LUKE
Why?
TOM
Because I don't want to leave father behind. Who is gonna take care of us? You? There is nothing we could do if we try to runaway. We can't survive from the outside. This is our home.
LUKE
You! (Looks at Sean) what did you do to him?
SEAN
I did nothing wrong. You heard him, I just tell him what to do. And this boy behaves well. Unlike you, being disrespectful and causing trouble, you have to be punished.
(LUKE coughs with blood and tries to breath and endure the pain)
TOM
Why did you come with us on that day of the car accident? It was suppose to be fun moment with just me and mom, but you selfishly forced her to let you come. I never get a chance. Every time, mom will always play with you.
LUKE
Th-that's not true. She always play with us...not me only.
TOM
No, just you. And on that day, you sit in front when I'm suppose to be in front. She keeps looking at you and talks to you. And I'm just at the back doing nothing. It was as if I didn't exist. She even has to pick up the toy while she was driving, even though she told you to keep it away. Now that mom is gone, you're the reason for her death. Its your fault that she died. You even said it to yourself awhile ago.
LUKE
So all those years...(breaths in really hard) you've been playing with me?
TOM
It just happened two years ago. I knew that you were planning to escape, and for sure that you will bring me along. I'm happy, not because of that, just so I can have my chance to get revenge from you. Now I finally done it, with a little bit of father's help.
LUKE
You're a fool, Tom.
TOM
No, I'm not. You're the one who ate the cookie.
SEAN
The poison is starting to get worst. It takes a while once you take it, but you can feel the pain already. We just needed you to have more time...to have a normal conversation. Just like we always do. Having a father and sons moment.
LUKE
(Difficulty in breathing)
I'm...gonna...get even....I will beat you...guys down...
TOM
Foolish. How can you do that when you are going to be dead by now.
LUKE
Just...(breathing)...just you wait...I'm gonna...I'm gonna get even...I will haunt you two...for the rest of your life...agh!
SEAN
He is talking nonsense.
(LUKE starts to lose his breath. He screams because the poison starts to spread already, he feels the pain even more. He breaths, and breaths once more. He stops moving)
SEAN
That's take a while. Now that he's dead, c'mon let's cover him.
TOM
You don't think he is gonna...haunt us, right?
SEAN
Don't take his word to seriously. How can he do that when he is dead already.(Holds the corpse feet) You, hold his head. We have to hide him so no one can find out.
(TOM holds the head and looks at the corpse dead eyes)
TOM
I thought so.
(SEAN and TOM went out of the room, carrying the body)
(SEAN and TOM exit)
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Hi! Happy Review Day! Here are some thoughts of mine as I read your script.
May I ask if the script is for a short film or a drama to be performed on stage? Each will require different stage directions and thoughtful planning of props to be used. For example, it is not practical to use 'doors' to identify entrance of characters onto the stage. You may want to think about this as you revise the work.
I really enjoy the way you portray the three characters with dialogues that are very distinguishable. Something I might want to note is that the way Tom speaks changes rather sharply in the first and the second half of the script. Perhaps your aim was to express thatTom is so willing to get revenge that he could act as almost another person, but it sort of left me confused.
The tension was well maintained and the plot twist was well delivered (despite not very surprising because this has appeared in other work as well). Here are some questions you could have a thought.
At certain places you have left our 'ed' for feeling words. There are some spelling errors as well (well...they are just due to speedy typing... so no need to worry
). Please find them out if you decide to revisit this work.

Stage directions
Spoiler
Also, you could note down the stage directions with more details. Stage directions are important because they guide the actions and the facial expressions of actors. As you write these you can hint at the tone and the mood of each action. Therefore, they should be written in the active voice to give direct instructions.
Characters and dialogue
Spoiler
Plot
Spoiler
Tom and Luke have lived together the same awful life for nine years. Tom could have killed Luke much, much sooner, without having to wait for so long. Why? The reason given was not satisfying enough for me. This is where you can develop Tom's character more.
I don't see why Tom is also so obeying his father. Why should Tom still listen to him? I mean he has beaten him and mistreated him for nine years.
Language
Spoiler
That's it. I wish you a happy time reading and writing. Thank you for the good script!
-Duncan
Happy Review Day.
The story is depressing (in a good way). I really liked the story. It was Different and new and opposite of what i expected. I thought it was obvious that tom will side with luke but that was not the case. But i wasn't able to hate tom either because hate to say it what he thinks isn't wrong if you see through his eyes.
The story was well written and thought of which is good. As a reader i was thrilled and entertained and thought that my time was not wasted reading. As a reviewer i am impressed as it has suspense, thrill, betrayal and was dark.
Tips that will make it better:
A blunder that you did was when Sean tells luke that he killed his own mom
Luke says:"(shakes his head and speaks his monotone) I didn't. I didn't kill her. I would do such a thing. I would never ever kill my own mother. Just as you try to kill your own son."
you typed "i would" instead of "i wouldn't".
Overall a great piece with some flaws that can be easily removed by doing a recheck.