I can't believe it. Everything was fine until that stupid bitch Sophie from school got involved. How could she? I mean, I knew she was horrible but this? Let me explain...
Sophie had never liked me. I really don't know why. I never did anything to her, except suggest she waits until eighteen to go all the way with a guy. That night I went home and saw that my Facebook page had been hacked. I really didn't know who could've guessed my password. They'd changed my status to, 'I'm a dirty girl. I hardly ever wash'. I was a little upset, but I wasn't too bothered. Fraping happened to everyone once in a while. And what they'd changed my status to wasn't so bad. But the comments...the comments hurt.
Lucy Luck: No wonder she always smells so weird!
Vanessa Morgan: that's what sluts smell like!
Sophie Carlton: I bet she has some kind of STD! I felt sick. Why where they doing this to me? I never did anything wrong! I just didn't fall into their friendship group. Did I really deserve this? I commented too.
Lilly Scott: you guys are horrible. You're ten times sluttier than I'll ever be! It was wrong, I know, but I was so angry. I just wanted them to hurt too. I didn't show Mum. I knew it would just worry her. And she'd probably do something stupid, like go to my headmaster or tell me to shut down my Facebook page or something. I didn't want to have to deal with that too.
But it didn't stop there. Things just went from bad to worse. Some guy, who of course was friends with Sophie, put his status as, 'Love a good bit of sex. Guess who I slept with just now, guys and gals? Lilly Scott. She's such a hypocrite. She thinks she's such a saint but really she's just a dirty, little, slag.' WHAT?! I never slept with anyone! What was he talking about? Sophie then posted on my wall, 'hey Lilly. Heard about what you did with Kevin. I knew you were the biggest whore going. Stop preaching about underage sex to everyone now, k?' My friend Kyla text me, asking if I'd seen what was going on. I told her I was looking at it. How could this be happening? There was about a billion comments on Sophie's wall post.
Lindsay Porter: hey, hope she didn't give him her STD!
Freda Moncrieff: THAT would be terrible! Can't have her germs spreading everywhere!
Liz Mines: don' t touch her, you might get infected too! I put my head in my hands and cried. Why? Why did everyone hate me. The comments swam around my head. I was going to throw up. I knew I was. I gulped the feeling away and took a deep breath. "Calm down, Lilly," I told myself. "They're just being stupid. Don't focus on it." But then Lucy Luck posted on Kyla's wall and my wall, 'the skank patrol. BEWARE EVERYONE!' Kyla text me soon afterward.I can't be friends with you if I'm going to get dragged into it too. I'm so sorry Lilly. I was alone. No one cared about me anymore. My life was pointless, I was a waste of space. I typed up a status and posted it. 'I'm crying my eyes out. I don't know why everybody hates me, but well done, because I hate me too now. Congratulations everyone. I'm done. Bye'. I then overdosed on paracetomol and had to have my stomach pumped.
I am the real Lilly Scott, and this is my story.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,178 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
This is really good! It's so easy to relate with the main character and there's no way I could've written such an engaging story at 13, so well done. As Jadefox mentioned, the grammar was a bit all over the place, but that's easily fixed with a good proof read. I didn't see any spelling mistakes, which is rare, so congrats there!
I think it could've been a little longer because there seems to be quite a small build up to her overdosing, and I think for such a dramatic ending, you could've developed it a little more. Overall though this is really impressive and I'd love to read more of your work in the future. Keep writing! 
Hey there!
I can tell this story was a very intense writing session. You portrayed the solitude and desperation through the description very well. There were just a few grammatical errors you might want to fix:
"Everything was fine until that stupid bitch Sophie from school got involved."
Should be:
"Everything was fine until that stupid bitch, Sophie from school, go involved."
"I mean, I knew she was horrible but this?"
There are a couple of ways you can solve this:
"I mean, I knew she was horrible, but this?"
Or:
"I mean, I knew she was horrible...but this?"
"That night I went home and saw that my Facebook..."
Should be:
"That night, I went home and saw that my Facebook..."
"They'd changed my status to, 'I'm a dirty girl. I hardly ever wash'."
I think you should treat this like dialogue and create a new paragraph for this, and correct the quotation marks.
This occurred a couple of times in the story, just go through and format it so that the dialogue and the comments aren't interrupting the paragraph as to say.
Also, when you are texting people, be sure to say "texted" because the story is in past tense.
There were a few more things, I think, but that's the majority of the corrections. I really enjoyed the story and the passion that seems to fill every sentence of the story. Keep writing and welcome to Young Writer's Society!
-Jade
Yeah the grammar is pretty bad-I wrote it at 2am (probably not my best idea!) but thanks anyway
Love it <3 xxx