Jam's thoughts part 2
I sit next Emma, Rose to Elisa, and Katilin to Sarai. We looked around, and we saw the other girls talking to the guys. I saw Rose and Kit Kat exchange looks with the guys which looked like they said, proceed. Emma was all over Ross and Ernesto, her body squeezed in between them. Elisa was with Emre and Kendrick, while Sarai was with Zeke and Luke, who was obviously enjoying herself.
I heard him say, "Man. I wish I looked like you, not ugh, Jamie." He shuddered.
"Well ... we could dye your hair, and give you color contacts!" Sarai exclaimed.
Then, I saw the weirdest thing ever. Or technically heard.
Luke, Zeke, and Emre all went over to where Emma was sitting. They asked her out, and she said, "I guess." And sniffed very loudly.
Then they said, "Hah, you fell for it! What now!"
We all started laughing. Emma was like, "You're not very ... nice!"
I stood up and said, "Hey Emma? The guys who like you are over there. Wait, there's no one there! Guess what that means."
"Nice one Jamie!" Rose told me.
The guys went to sit next to us.
"Hey, Jamie." Luke said "how are you?"
"I'm fine. How are you?" I said casually.
Just when he was going to answer, Rose started laughing.
I raised my eyebrows at Luke, and we made a silent promise to ask Rose and Ross if they liked each other.
~~~~~Later that day
I was standing with Rose and Kit Kat.
I asked Rose if she liked someone.
"Yes. He's really nice." She answered, just as I thought she would.
"Oh, who is he? Is he Ross?" I said.
"But what if he doesn't like me?" Rose asked.
"Primrose, of course he likes you!" I said.
Meanwhile, Luke was having the same conversation with Ross.
"Dude, I know you like her. If you don't ask her out, I'm gonna tell her." Luke threatened. "And don't say what if she doesn't like me."
"Fine, but you have to ask Jamie, I know you like her." Ross countered.
"Fine, but you first." Luke said.
Back to me, me and Rose were arguing.
"Jam! Ross is probably all into girly-girls." Primrose said, depressed.
"Cmon, puhlease!" I pleaded her.
"Ok, but you have to tell Luke." She smirked.
"Uhh. Ok." I replied.
We all met up, ironically, where we met the first place, the library. Me and Luke were pushing Rose and Ross together. We were soooo the match-makers of our group.
Rose was yelling, "I DON'T LIKE HIM!"
And Ross was yelling, "I DONT LIKE HER!"
Me and Luke just looked at each other, and left them alone. I had a feeling something was gonna happen. Me and Luke went on a walk, strolling down random blocks, and seeing weird-looking shops with words like, "I'm gonna hug your mom!" We started cracking up when we saw the first sign. Luke had to drag me into a nearby restaurant, because I had fallen, of laughter. We were both crying.
Luke looked at me, and began, "Jamie, I need to ask you, " he got cut off when Emma appeared out of nowhere.
She said,"Oh, hey Luke. How are you honey?" And ran her hand up his arm.
She actually smiled at me, and said, "Uh, can I have my boyfriend back?" I was shocked.
I was proud to say, though, I didn't stutter, once. "Oh, no. I was just getting going. Sorry if I interrupted your date." I stared at her.
"That's okay, Jamie." Emma said sweetly.
I held out my hand, and said, "Can we start over and be friends?"
She squealed and said, "OMG! Of course! I will love to be your friend!"
I say goodbye, and leave, but not without rolling my eyes at Luke.
I went back to the library, and saw Rose and Ross hugging.
When I came into their view, they smiled, but looked concerned at me being alone.
I say, "Luke had to go on a date with Emma. She's actually nice now. She was just jealous."
They stared at me, and said, "I'm sorry."
I cut them off, "Look, I didn't really have a future with Luke anyway. I hope he's happy with Emma. I really do."
"Do you still like him?" They asked.
"Yeah, but probably not for long." I said.
~~~~~~~~1 week later
Me, Emery, Emma,(we were friends now) and rose are sitting in a circle in our huge room.
We were giggling like we used to.
Emma was talking about Luke.
"He's soooo cute!"
Rose screamed for like ten minutes because Ross asked her out.
"What's wrong?" We asked.
"Nothing is wrong! Ross asked me out!" Rose screamed.
~~~~~~~~~~~2 weeks later
Everyone is dating someone, except me. Emma with Luke, Rose with Ross, Kit Kat with Kendrick, Sarai with Zeke, and Elisa with Emre, Ernesto ditched us. Emma kept constantly asking, "Are you sure you're okay with me going out with Luke?" Every time, I reassured her. "Emma, just cause he looks like me, doesn't mean we're destined to be together. Look at you and Ernesto!" She agreed. "Alright. But, I'm here to talk with you Jamie."
Then, Luke approached me later. "Jamie, how are you? Are you cool with me dating Emma?"
I said, "Oh my gosh! Seriously! I. Am. Fine. With. You. Dating. Emma! Okay! Go with your gf."
Luke looked uncomfortable, like I said something wrong. "Uh, okay. Then, ill get going. Bye!"
Then, Rose and Ross came up to me.
"Jamie, we need to talk." They said.
"Ohkay, what's wrong?" I asked, concerned.
"We're worried about you." They said.
"Why?" I sighed.
"Because you've been really down of late."
"Do you really want to know?"
"Uh, yeah." They answered.
"I guess, maybe Im a little jelly of ya, but It dont matta." I said. "I do like Luke, but just as a friend."
"Oh ok. Jus wanna know. Thanks" they said, and left me alone. FINALLY.
Jk. Ugh. Kit Kat came. With Kendrick.
"Jam. We need to talk." They said.
"I'm fine!" I yelled.
"Are you sure?" They were worried.
"I will tell you the same thing I said to rose, Ross, Emma, and Luke! I AM PERFECTLY FINE! OKAY PEOPLES! I am good."
They walked away.
~~~~~~~10 minutes later
EVERYONE came. They told me to sit down.
"Jamie, we NEED to talk."
"Why?" I asked.
"Because we know you aren't being your self lately." Emma said.
"And we think its because you are lonely. We all have gfs and bfs, but you dont." Luke said.
"Guys, and gals, I'm fine." I said.
"Noooo you're not. I mean, look at you! Why don't you care about yourself?" Kit Kat said.
"I do." I said weakly.
"Jam, ya hav' ta know when ta help an' when ta care 'bout yerself." Sarai said in a southern accent.
"You have to be yourself." Kendrick and Emre said.
"Tell us what's wrong." Rose and Ross encouraged.
"I can't." I shifted my weight on to the other leg.
"Yes you can." Zeke said.
"Alright. Ok. Emma, I like Luke. I've always liked him. And I'll get over it, just give me time, ok." I admit.
Luke started laughing.
"Like I didn't know that." He said.
"And I didn't know you could be such a jerk, " I was up in his face, "or did I already?"
I walked out, not looking back once.
I heard someone call out, "Jamie, wait!" But, I was already gone.
I probably wasn't smart, but I went to the library. I snuck past them all, though, by hiding behind rows of books. I grabbed the book, "Grimm's Fairy Tales," it was a favourite of mine, and felt instantly better. I read at least twice, the whole way though, when I saw Emma and Luke leaning toward each other. I couldn't help it, I was disgusted. He kissed her on the cheek, and lanes in to kiss her on the mouth. I walked away before it got REALLY racy. But everywhere I went, there was a couple who were also my friends, and who were kissing. I walked out, and into an alley, (not a bad place, mind you) and sat down and read. I laughed, but it wasn't real. I started crying a couple minutes later. I heard people coming, so I hid in a dark corner. It was all of them! They were all talking about me.
"Jamie......" Luke sighed.
"Where are you?" Emma asked.
"Why'd she run out?" That was Elisa.
"Well, we were all, like, uhm, kissing. She probably went into the library to get away from us, and then she saw us making out." Rose sighed.
"I bet she was disgusted. I mean, i would be grossed out if I didn't have a gf, or bf, mind you, the girls, and saw all my friends kissing." Kendrick said.
"I agree." Ross said.
"Yeah, I think we should find her and apologize." Emre said.
"I don't think so. She was a jerk, when I laughed, I was just messing around." Luke stated. "Well, Luke, you should know by now, that Jamie takes everything seriously." Emma replied. "I know, and I'm sorry. But she should've known it was a joke!" Luke yelled.
After that, I snuck into my room. They must have followed me or something, though, because they were there already.
"What's wrong, Jamie?" A couple of them said.
Since I was tired I said, "Look, can we just talk later? I'm so tired."
"No, I have to apologize." Luke said.
I mumbled, "It's okay, I just want to go to sleep, that's it." They finally agreed to let me sleep.
Right before I fell asleep, I heard Luke tell Emma, "Why is Jamie not getting jealous, yet?" Emma whispered back, "Don't worry. She did say she liked you."
I was shocked! I wanted to punch the hel* outta her, but I was pretty beat. I frowned, then fell asleep.
Hey there! Welcome to YWS! I'm Stella, I'll be your reviewer today! I haven't read the first part of this story which may lead to some of my confusion, so if I ask about something that happened in the first bit then just ignore me
Okay, so I love your style here, the dialogue is really honest but honestly the whole thing was a bit of a blur for me! To be honest I didn't realise Jamie was the protagonist's name for quite a while (I'm used to it being a boy's name) and I thought it was some other character, and that was my main problem here- there were just too many people, and the pace was so quick! It felt a little like a tornado! While you get lots of story churned out, your readers aren't as familiar with your characters as you are. So you need to slow down a bit for us- it's like you're a professional athlete where this story is concerned and we're still in training. So you need to run at our pace so that we can understand a bit more. This means that every character needs a bit more attention to themselves. Don't hop so quickly from one to the other, and don't sacrifice the development of your characters for the sake of your plot- even though plot is important as well! But at the pace you're going, even the plot is suffering. This could be at least three chapters.
For instance, you say that Luke likes Jamie- but why? And more importantly- why should I be rooting for them? I don't know anything about either of them and right here neither of them seem particularly interesting. Take your time to make us interested in their lives. I think that's the most important thing you can do right now.
I'm rambling a lot in this review but I think what I'm trying to say is you really need to work on pace. Everything else is okay, but the pace is just too too fast. Slow down. Take a few deep breaths. Tell the story at the pace at which real life flows. Try reading the story over with a fresh pair of eyes and recognising where the pace is too quick, and flesh it all out.
Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!
-Stella x
Quotes need to be by themselves except for when they have "said Emma." or whatever because it's grammatically incorrect to have a quote not stand alone. Also when it's a group conversation the quotes need to be separated like when Luke and Emma talk, you grouped them up, not okay but easily fixable. I liked how realistic it was, it made me feel sorry and connected to Jamie. So is Luke just trying to make Jamie jealous so Jamie likes him? or does Emma and Luke get off on making Jamie jealous and making her feel bad?
Thanks!
I'll try harder next chapter. Now to answer your questions, yes Luke likes Jamie, he is just so stupid on how he try's to show it. Emma actually isn't that bad of a person, I based her off my 'friend,' so she wasn't really trying to make her feel bad. She just wanted to help Luke, who once again, couldn't have thought of a better way to show his true feelings.