Hey there.
The last reviewer recommended that you switch to capitalization on all the ends and my advice is more along the opposite lines. I think it would fit better to ditch the caps all together, since formatting speaks a lot more to the flow and message than people might think. This also brings me to the issue of how punctuation needs to be a thing here. In the first line, the speaker is asking something of someone, which we could tell based solely on the wording but it would be better to assist it. The same goes for the endings of the other lines, which have assumed points but it would be way easier to just design them in for the reader.
Concept wise, this is nothing special. That's the nicest wording I can come up with next to saying that it was rather "generic", which is what a lot of poetry ends up being. And that feeling is coming a lot from the length and the joking manner of these lines, where it was actually trying to literally be short and sweet. So by me, the reader, knowing that's what you were purposely going for, there's really no level to enjoy it on. If you want more enjoyment, I'm actually going to recommend putting in a bit more length.
So it was a sweet idea in concept?
But there's nothing else going for it
and the presentation certainly isn't
helping it any.
happy revmo
-lizz
Points: 650
Reviews: 766
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