• Home

Young Writers Society

16+ Mature Content

One Last Call

by KingTitus

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.

Before the story starts I'd like to warn this story can trigger some. It references self-harm and severe depression. 

I feel the sweet tingle of weightlessness flow throughout my body; my head, chest, and wrists are all euphoric with the blissful numbness that comes, yet I can still hear the phone ring. I thought you were blocked


I say cautiously, still remembering our last conversation

Why baby

I hear her voice again, the same voice that made me feel the happiest and lightest I ever have.

“Things got heavy again, I’m sorry darling I- I couldn’t stop”

The uncontrollable downpour prevailed, and tears started running down my chin.

“Did you know I tried texting you, but it never sent.”

I tried to say as if it didn’t destroy me.

“Yeah silly, you know we don’t talk anymore”

“But we’re talking right now”

No, we aren’t

“What? I need you right now.”

“It’s too late my love, I’m gone and I can’t help anymore”

“You’re not gone, I still see you in the halls.”

“But do I ever see you back?”


There was an awkward silence filled only with the sounds of rain on my dirty window. I looked around my dark and messy room, remembering how clean it was when she was here, and how beautiful her eyes looked in the natural light that peered through my window.

“You need some fresh air hun, you’ve been cramped in your room for too long”

She wasn’t wrong, I’ve been rotting away here all day. I got up and walked outside. The chilly air hit my lips as I stepped outside and red leaves littered the yard.

“Remember the pink flowers I’d grab you during spring.”

“Those were my favorite, I saved them all”

“I wish you were here with me”

“I’m not even here right now”

“What are you talking about ”

“It’s 4 am, I’m asleep, you know I hate staying up late.”

“But you're talking to me right now”

“No I’m not, we haven’t talked in months”

“How’d you know I haven’t left my room in days?”

There was a momentary silence

“What's the last thing you remember?

” she said avoiding my question

“I can’t remember… I felt the weight come off.”

“Try to remember love.”

“I- I tried to text you”

“And what happened?”

“It didn't send..”

“How’d you feel?”


“What happened next?”

“I grabbed the blade..”

Is this a review?



User avatar
5 Reviews

Points: 55
Reviews: 5

Wed Nov 15, 2023 1:49 pm
Sillyguy02 wrote a review...

Hello there! The silliest of guys here to review because what else am I to do?

Right off the bat, I just wanna say this short story was a good read! The dialogue flows nicely, the dialogue is natural and engaging, and I especially liked the last sentence. Good job!

The conversation itself has got to be my favorite part due to how real it feels and you can really feel the emotion in each word.

If I were to suggest anything, maybe describe more things like for example, the flowers our main character got for them to emphasize how important they were. Describe how the petals felt in their hands, how their s/o looked whenever they received these gifts and things of that nature! But of course, your writing is your choice so take this how you please!

Overall, this was a fun read with an engaging story and smooth dialogue! I hope to see more of your work soon!Have a good day or night :)

Random avatar
KingTitus says...

Thank you! I'll keep this in mind for my next story.

User avatar
41 Reviews

Points: 8772
Reviews: 41

Wed Nov 15, 2023 11:07 am
PKMichelle wrote a review...

Hello, new member!
Welcome to YWS! I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I'd check it out!

On first impressions, I found this to be structured in a really fun way. It's a short story, but it not only looks a bit like a poem but also kind of flows like one as well. And it's really cool that you were able to do that! Also, thanks for putting the trigger warning at the beginning; that's always great for readers who don't see it coming.

If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be to give a little more about the characters. It's just that in certain parts I had a tad bit of trouble distinguishing who was who, but I feel that with a little more descriptions and backgrounds on or of the characters, that could be wiped away.

There's one other thing that's really small and, more than likely, accidental, but I just wanted to point it out. At one point in the story, you said,

“What's the last thing you remember?

” she said avoiding my question

The quotation marks should be on the same line as the question. But once again, I'm almost certain it was a mistake, so it's no big deal.

Even though I gave these two suggestions, it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it.

If I had to pick my favorite part, it would have to be the conversation they were having. After it all came together, it was a really beautiful conversation, despite its obviously dark ending. I also really love the way it seems like it could be a legitimate conversation that two people had. It adds a certain depth to the story that's really ravishing and sucks you in. It's also something a lot of people tend to look for in stories, so kudos to you!

Overall, this was an incredible story, with just a few minor flaws. It was really captivating and something that was genuinely enjoyable to read. So, I'd like to thank you for posting such a wonderful short for us all to read. I’ll definitely have to check out more of your work when that goes up!

Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!

Random avatar
KingTitus says...

Hi! Thank you so much, and I do really appreciate the criticism as it helps me grow as a writer. This is honestly my first creative piece where I made a story up, and I'm so glad you enjoyed it. The story has a way darker meaning. I made it very cryptic. At the end, I will include this story's very, very dark meaning.

The story was short because it was written in about an hour while I was in a depressive episode and got the idea. I felt changing the story after the episode might take away the magic and emotion already in the story. (plus I've only written two life stories that were much happier and funnier)

I'm so sorry for the very long reply and I do really appreciate your review.
Now what was happening in the story, at least to me. I still love the idea of people speaking about how they viewed the story as I wrote it in a vague yet specific way just for that reason.

As a 16 (almost 17) year old this is one of the craziest times in my life and writing is an amazing outlet, I was feeling bad and wrote, and It turned out kinda good. The story is about a man who had taken his own life and had one final call with his safe person. This safe person isn't really there and is just a figment of his disillusion. I tried foreshadowing this from the very beginning and with a re-read, I think I did okay.

"Cowards die many times before their deaths; but the valiant will never taste of death but once."
— Julius Caesar