A/N: I thought about it real hard and I think that I should try submitting a chapter in past tense, rather than present, given the frequent reviews that saI present tense didn't really work. Whatever the case, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
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Their footsteps ceased to echo in the expanse ahead. The ocean of buildings had merged into a solid valley of cement with scattered and impossibly thin metal chimneys that spewed yellow smog. There was nothing else off of which their voices could reflect. Craig had to fight the urge to run about in the open area as if it were an empty playground. He hadn’t seen such an open floor in his life.
Craig let his sight droop towards the rock-speckled ground, trying not to trip and get in Adele’s way more than he already was. His feet limped forward one after the other, then a pause, then both in tandem again. Pain shot up his calves and thighs with each step, but he knew that getting as far from the Legion as possible was their highest priority. Every time he saw Adele check behind them for danger, he made sure to take a larger step.
A long and grueling span of time passed before they walked far enough to allow for a small sense of comfort. Craig pointed at one of the wider chimneys, and Adele walked him over to it before he let himself fall back-first against it with a sigh of relief. His legs stretched across the ground, sprawled out at odd angles as if he no longer held control over them. He reached for his thigh with his hands and began to massage the muscle. Before he knew it, Adele had unpacked a first aid kit and went to work on his injuries.
He winced as Adele dabbed a deep scrape on his arm with a moist cloth while he held another scrap against the gash on his head. Adele’s worried face told him his wounds were anything but light. She was not exactly shining with cleanliness herself, but she still managed to force him to lie down and held him there with a single hand. Bandages in hand, she cleaned the blood and applied them to his wounds while picking out pieces of rock and grit embedded in his skin.
As she tended to him, Craig noticed her left shoulder to be a bit off. He suspected something happened to it when she fired her weapon one-handed earlier. Not once did she complain about it for the hours she shouldered his weight. She finished up on his wounds and moved on to herself, but not before giving him another once-over. She tilted his head back and forth, surveyed the older wounds on his back from the battle against the guardian, and looking under his limp arms and underneath his tired legs. Once satisfied, she felt at her shoulder and sighed a little, as if only just then realizing it.
With a motion so quick Craig thought he missed it, Adele tweaked her shoulder back into its socket. Through heavily suppressed winces of pain, she stood up as if nothing happened. Craig had to do that to his own shoulder once, but it took him several attempts of agonizing pain to get it right. Every little movement was torment. After seeing her just clench her teeth and make it happen, he felt nothing short of inspired.
“You’re strong,” Craig said, almost inaudible if not for the deafening silence around them. Adele, ignoring the words she did not understand, turned back towards the direction from which they came. Her eyes possessed a sizzling, incredible intensity as they scanned the vacant land over and over, daring anything to try to get past her.
“Adele,” he said with a cough, his throat much dryer than he initially believed. She turned to him in a jump. “Over here.” He motioned for her to step towards him, and scooted along the ground so that there was ample space for her next to him. She glanced back at the landscape, and then at him. Lifting her bag by the strap, she trudged over to him and lowered herself down to the ground next to him.
While she stared out past the haze, Craig kept his eyes fixated on her. She said nothing about his stare, and though she hid her deep breaths very well, Craig was able to see fresh sweat. Her forehead glistened in the light of the haze along with the rest of the filth, and he could have sworn he saw the heat of her breath flow from her lips. The fingers on her hands, red and purple from bruising, shook as if frozen while her legs began to shake such that the bits of dust and rock around her boots shifted audibly.
With a strike to his thighs from his own clenched fist, he winced and groaned in pain, much to Adele’s shock. Ignoring her frantic grasps at his arms to keep him from doing it again, he pointed at his leg and said, “Pain.”
With wide eyes, she brought a hand to her forehead and drew it down across her face. “Idiot.” Though it took him a couple seconds, he understood what she said and smiled. A ragged cut on her hip seeped dark red through her bandages and torn pants. She looked down at the wound on her hip. With some hesitation, her hand hovering above it as if about to swat a fly, she slapped the clothing covering it. Catching the yelp in her throat she forced a chuckle, turned to Craig, and said, “Shmerz.”
Craig insisted he patch her up in return.
* * *
Machines, from what he was able to tell, had no language abilities and never tried to communicate with him. With beaming interest, they traded words back and forth.
Blood. Blut.
Rock. Stein.
Above. Uber.
This. Das.
That. Dies.
Using rocks and other objects to create numbers, distances, and placements, they learned each other’s unknown languages from the ground up. A pair of children picking apart the world of words, kneeling over pebbles as they performed the roles of both teacher and student. They made sure both understood left and right, up and down, in and out, and front and back.
For the first time Craig forgets Adele’s towering strength and experience compared to his own. A tightening in his gut gave Craig a sense of excitement at learning so many new things. At the same time, he already knew all of what she needed to learn and eagerly shared his knowledge.
As the hours or days ticked by in their want for the ability to tell time, his vision began to blur. His eyelids became heavier, and sometimes they closed indifferent of each other as he struggled to keep both open. Adele was still going strong, having set up rows of rocks for them to count. It could have been a multiplication table for all he knew.
As she tugged on his sleeve, Craig said her name sternly. Taken aback, she let go. Teaching her one last word, Craig said, “Sleep.” Crawling back to the warm chimney, he rested his head on his wadded-up bag. With a chuckle, Adele nodded her head and sat down in her own spot, gravel shifting under her tired and clumsy feet. Finally closing his eyes on his own accord, Craig let out a sigh as the tension in his body let loose in one wave of relief. Everything went limp for the first time in what felt like eternity, and even his jaw hung open as if it welcomed the abyss of sleep. With all of the pain in his limbs, the blood spilled in the name of survival, and how close he came to death, Craig believed it was by and large the first good “day” of his life.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello! \(^O^)/
I have no idea what is going on in this novel of yours but what I'm seeing here...I like it. It seems to be very strong in the plot wise and the descriptions in this are really awesome! Just like a painting. Anyway, I do like how you write, it's as if the main character is talking at me while...Well, painting.
Some grammar errors though, but I'm sure if you read through it you'll see. Although, in some parts, it's like you're telling me what happens. Like in this paragraph...
"As she tugged on his sleeve, Craig said her name sternly. Taken aback, she let go. Teaching her one last word, Craig said, “Sleep.” Crawling back to the warm chimney, he rested his head on his wadded-up bag. With a chuckle, Adele nodded her head and sat down in her own spot, gravel shifting under her tired and clumsy feet. Finally closing his eyes on his own accord, Craig let out a sigh as the tension in his body let loose in one wave of relief. Everything went limp for the first time in what felt like eternity, and even his jaw hung open as if it welcomed the abyss of sleep. With all of the pain in his limbs, the blood spilled in the name of survival, and how close he came to death, Craig believed it was by and large the first good “day” of his life."
Some parts in this it's telling me what's happening and not letting me imagine anything. In the first few sentences, as example, you can add more description in it, but it's up to you.
Overall, SCI-FI, I believe, is such a hard genre to write for and you managed to conquer the world of SCI-FI! Awesome work!
See you~!
After rereading that part, I agree that I told more than I showed. Thanks for bringing this to my attention and for the review!
You're welcome! I'm happy I helped!
Hi ,so here is Dark to give review on your story.
I like to read the your novel that have good structured plot here.Your writing style is also satisfactory and capable of delivering a good story to the reader.
I like how to deliver the messages and the details of your story.It helps me to understand and thus I can clearly imagine the whole story here.
I enjoyed reading your story here.Surely,I will follow the next chapter soon!
Keep it up!
Kudos,cheers
~Dark
I'm glad that you liked it, and I'll look forward to future reviews from you!