z

Young Writers Society


12+

An Audience

by KindlingDragonsFire


I do have an audience.

In the motes of dust, in the ancient papers that litter each surface, in the chipped paint, rotting floorboards, fresh concrete, and the nests of ants and roaches and silverfish lies a single, blinking light.

Staring at me from across the way.

A single red dot in a room where a scream would echo, where a footstep could resonate.

Where even a heartbeat can make the wood under my feet pulse.

I move no further in the dark.

The red dot holds its gaze on me, eerily, unblinking, unmoving, unfeeling. Are there a pair of eyes behind it? I no longer know. I've been staring at it for months, days, hours, years. There is no longer a point of time, no rise of the sun or set of the moon, to mark the minutes. The single red dot has bored a hole through my eye, and burst through the back of my skull. I cannot look away.

But I have an audience.

Years ago, I danced. My feet, nimble and quick, could do anything I set them to. They could glide, and pirouette like a dream. They were the unknown second partner to my own companion, whoever they were for the evening. Years ago, I drifted across this ballroom floor, light as a feather, graceful as an otter, and I danced.

Now, I stand.

The one who danced could only get their audience by not dancing- how strange that is. How unfortunate.

My audience has not left my side for the months and years I stand here, in this cage of glass and metal, pointing my direction, burning into my eyes and into my brain and through me, straight through me. Simply watching, but only watching.

How unfortunate.

I have an audience.

You will be magnificent. She had told me, as she bound my arms high above my head to keep them where they were. My feet were pointed downwards so far that they cramped, in a permanent pirouette. I daresay a masterpiece.

I don't remember crying out, or begging for my life, or trying to climb from my skintight prison. I remember the cold and a sound so inhuman I cannot describe it. And when all was said and done she hung me to dry, I opened my eyes, and I saw it. The light. The tiny, red dot that never blinked and never changed. My audience.

I've never looked away from my audience.

I've never looked around this room.

I know what I would do if I could. The only thing is, I don't think I can scream.


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12 Reviews


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Reviews: 12

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Tue Jul 07, 2015 4:53 pm
Scribble wrote a review...



Hey..

So first off, it's great, I really enjoyed it and it kept me reading. What I personally interpret the red dot as is a camera, like, for security and stuff. The protagonist is being watched and held in a cell, forced to 'pirouette' and stuff.

Personally I don't think you should continue this, its great on its own and leaves the reader to make their own interpretations.

I especially liked " Where even a heartbeat can make the wood under my feet pulse." I thought it was a clever line and very well thought off. You are clearly an intelligent writer and you write very creatively.

If i had to be critical, i would say there is the odd grammatical error. Perhaps a few to many listings. But i can't really put much fault in it. Well done, keep writing :)

- Scribble




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Mon Jul 06, 2015 11:18 pm
Wendigo wrote a review...



This story utilizes the fear of the unknown to great effect. The fact that reader doesn't know much leaves then only to wildly speculate about the answers they seek, but that aren't given. My favorite part of this story is probably the red light in the darkness. The red light is undeniably creepy, but the funny thing is that it could very well be just that: a red light on the wall. The real antagonist seems to be the woman who bound the main character. Regardless, I love the story and like everyone else I hope you write more, though I think the story is way creepier as a stand alone piece. Great job!




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Fri Jun 26, 2015 4:04 am
MLanders wrote a review...



Hey, there, KindlingDragonsFire! My name is Melissa, I've been writing for 14 years, published one book as a youngin', and now, here I am! I really, really, really enjoy horror - I am a major Stephen King fan - so when I saw your genre was horror, I was all for it! Let's begin, shall we?

Love the repetition of "I have an audience." It really resonates well and emphasizes your point. On the flip side, I had an extremely tough time comprehending the material. I think I'm somewhat understanding, but I feel if this were extended - think like the parts of Dante's Inferno - we would have a better understanding of what is going on and it would only need to be read one single time to be able to understand and enjoy it. I love the somber, mellow feel of the piece, and I think my favorite part of this piece was the section where it began with "You will be magnificent." and ends with, "I daresay a masterpiece." Although these sentences were both very short and sweet, this gives us so much insight into this story and I am really digging it!

Please pm me if you have any further questions! I am looking forward to an edit or extension!




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Thu Jun 25, 2015 11:55 pm
Carlito wrote a review...



I'll admit, the first time I read this I was horribly confused. So I read it again, much slower, and really enjoyed it.

I think what makes this piece so cool, is that in a few words you actually say a lot. We have very little detail about what's going on, but that's the brilliance of it, because if we knew everything it wouldn't make us think and it wouldn't be weird and creepy. There's a lot of room for interpretation here, and I keep going back and forth about what I think is going on. In a lot of cases, that would annoy me, but here it works.

I agree with the other commenter, I think it would be cool if you continued this. There are so many things I want to know - like who 'she' is and what exactly happened at the end that landed her in this situation. (Is the narrator a her? - I'm only assuming).

I loved the repetition and the very basic description about where this person is. You have really great style. I'm not sure what else to say other than I want to know more! Write more! :p

In a weird way this reminds me of the novel Room by Emma Donoghue. It's told from the perspective of a little boy. Him and his mom are trapped in this tiny room. The room is all the boy has ever known and he loves it, but to his mom it's a prison. I think it's really well done. Check it out if you haven't, you might like it.

This review was probably very unhelpful, but I really thought this was great. I'm still thinking about it and what got the narrator in this situation and what certain things mean and all sorts of things. So good work! Gold star! :)

Let me know if you have a questions about anything I said or if something is confusing!




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Mon Jun 22, 2015 6:26 pm
MeganD says...



Wow. This is good, I really enjoyed it. You used a lot of detail to create a rather interesting image. I hope you continue with this idea or add more to it. It makes you wonder what else is going on with the character.





If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
— Cecil Gershwin Palmer