z

Young Writers Society


12+

LEGENDS The Rise of Shadow

by Kimball


By: Kimball

Introduction

Unknown

Have you ever heard of the Islands of the Legends? Well, chances are you weren’t even born when Shadow took them under his own power. It still remains taken today, but the Eldeons tried to take down Shadow, but failed and… Let me guess you have no idea what any of these things are? Well, let me start at the beginning.

One day geographers found a new group of islands, that seemed to make the impossible possible, they decided to name them after the scientist who found them, Professor Tenney or Kyle Tenney, to be exact. So they were called “the Islands of Tenney”.One was opened to the public on February 5th 2003. The rest of them were not safe so were not open to the public. The one that was open was called the main island.

There was a man that was orphaned when he was young but was about 23 by the time the island opened. This man thought that this was the perfect opportunity to use his “talents”. What are his “talents” you may ask? He has infinite power, elements, and more, And his friends decided to call him “Neuro” this was because his mind was his greatest strength. Neuro decided to document his travels and experiences in a journal. Which is what you're reading right now.

Now back to the story. When the boat arrived on the island in the late morning, Neuro got off and he knew the islands were absolutely perfect.

“I’ll give all of the strong and smart people like me one element each But keep a little bit of each element and the element of mind so I can still do everything I like” thought Neuro”Then I can use the island to teach those like me so we can defend the earth.The people that don't get an element I will erase their memory of the island so they will never find me.”

He was a smart man so he could sense things around him He ran off at an inhuman speed and started mining a special substance he called Ona.

Little did he know that someone else had different plans. It was a man of darkness…

Entry 1

The Beginning

Neuro

I yelled ”No!”.

This was becoming frustratingI thought. I needed the perfect person for the king of speed. I went through person through person through person! I just wanted to go away and scream!

“You!”

“Me?” replied the stranger I pointed at.

Somewhere in the distance I heard a black lady yell(strange because that kid was white) “That's my son! Treat him with respect.”

“Yes, you. What's your name,What is your weapon of choice, and how old are you?” I asked.

“Helio Sond,a sword, and 13” he said nervously. ”I am naturally fast, actually. Well, i'm actually faster than all the other guys.I have a twin named Jilo can you give him an element.”

“Faster than everyone but me.”I mumbled.

“What?”Helio asked.

”Well then get moving and show me!”I demanded.”We will see about Jilo by the way.”

“Okay, fine.” He murmured.

He was actually pretty fast, his speed would make him the perfect person to have the element of speed.

“Good Helio, you made it. You get the element,Here is your watch,armour, and speed sword.”I said, handing it to him.

“What kind of material is the armour made out of?”Helio asked.

“A very rare substance called Ona it can withstand 100 times more pressure than a diamond yet as light as the clouds. As you can see it is glossy black like obsidian but once you put it on it will change color depending what element you wield.Mine is green for some reason.”

“What does the watch do?”He asked.

“I can track you,check your vital signs,It can control the electronics that are in your office,we can communicate,yours can measure how fast you are going, You start with a certain color,but it's a dark shade of the color and you must work to get a brighter shade the brighter the shade the more it can do.I have blue,brightest shade”I said.

“What is it called and what color do I get?”he responded.

“Virtual companion watch and green,so you get virtual companion green.”I responded.”To talk to the companion say:whatever

color you have(in your case green) activate.”

“Cool I look forward to using it.”He said.

He was perfect, he was the one I was looking for. But at that time I felt something was wrong and I felt anger, like someone was watching me. It felt dark and evil, Like a “shadow” whoever or whatever it was. I knew without a doubt it knew it was not supposed to be here, but what was it?

Helio asked ”What’s wrong? Your face went grim all of a sudden.”

“Nothing”I said.

“I know you're my boss, but get back to work then!”.

”I’ll fire you if If I have to.”I said while half laughing

“Can you even do that?”He asked.

“Yes,I can take back power I give, but not power that someone was naturally born with, I don’t even know of someone who can do that.” I replied.

But that's when I felt the darkness again but harder and I was more angry.

”Ahh!” screamed

I felt it again. I felt the darkness but before anyone asked if I was okay I quickly rushed to the woods that were not twenty feet away.But every step I took I got more angry.

Once I was alone in the woods near the south west corner of the island I ripped trees out of the ground with my mind,and molded a wooden box big enough to sit in, I also molded a chair and sat in it. I was done with this shadow thing. I tried to connect to it ,And that's when I felt it, A “shadow”, that was every form of evil you could ever imagine and I felt anger again.

I then saw a shadow that looked like a man with pure white eyes and no mouth me appear in front of me,and I felt even more anger. I thought I was hallucinating, so I turned around and saw it again.

“Welcome to the Shadow Islands.”it said laughing at me.

“These are my islands!” I said.

“Tell it to the King Eldeon!”it said still laughing.

“Who is “King Eldeon”?”I yelled.

“You'll learn soon enough.”it said.

“Who is that and who are you!”

“You'll learn soon enough!”it replied madly.

“Tell me!”

“I won't tell you,You'll learn.”It responded.

“Tell me!”I yelled one last time.

“You imbecile!”it said to me.”You will never learn to be patient.”

I ran out of the box and ran further into the woods and ran into a black ghost like looking thing.

“I heard your conversation with Shadow.”It said.

I used the part of speed I still had left and sprinted out of the woods. I knew that I had to pick more people for elements, so we could fight these things and scare them off.

Entry 2

The Eldeons and Shadow

Helio

What was going on with Neuro? He never told me (maybe reading this journal when it's done will give me some answers as to what's really going on). But he had just picked me to be king of speed, and then when he reached the element of water, he screamed grabbed his chest, and then the attack or whatever it was past and he just stood up and walked away.

“Okay let’s jus-”I said

“Hey let's hurry this up I have things to do!”said some random person.”Go into the woods and find him.”

“Who knows what are in those woods.”I said

I think that he was angry with me for some strange reason, And he walked away.

“Mental note: remind my boss to thoroughly erase that guys brain and get rid of his memories about this whole afternoon and this island.”I thought.

Everyone was starting to get upset (after all we have been waiting for over a few hours), I had to do something so that all the good and powerful people would not take off and leave, I was about to when apparently some people brought weapons, good thing Neuro had given me a sword, I fought the people who had brought the weapons. One of the people tried to attack me with a scythe. why did they bring a scythe? I don't know, anyway I tripped him and knocked him out. Another brought nunchucks I used my speed to “suffocate” him but While I was running I went so fast I broke the sound barrier the man covered his ears. I struck the guy with my sword. Another man brought shurikens (WHERE are these people getting these weapons) I used my speed to catch one and threw it back and caught his shirt on a tree. The final guy brought a sword and I started fighting him. When I defeated him he fell to the ground screaming things like:”You have dark powers!” and “Eldeon!”. Needless to say won. They were absolutely awful at fighting anyway.

Neuro didn’t come back for a while, I didn’t have a clue as to know what to be doing. But that's when everyone said they were hungry so I thought I would use my new power to hunt.

I easily found some game like a few rabbits, one deer, and so on,

I also caught several fish in a nearby river. The people would not take the food, saying it was poisoned,which it was clearly not. So once I convinced everyone to eat it they were fine.

But that’s when Neuro arrived,

”finally”, I said to myself.

I asked him what he was doing but he remained silent. He picked five more elements very quickly.The Fire king is Phin 19 years old(who doesn't talk much).The Water king is Jilo. He is 13 years old(Yes he is my brother) . The Earth king is Kino. He is 25 years old(who I was Jilo’s 3rd grade teacher). The Animal king is Zin who won't say how old he is(Who talks a lot). The Lightning and The Wind king is Jon 30 years old(Who is kind of short). We then heard rustling in the woods Neuro went into.

“Wait Neuro. There is something in the woods?”

Suddenly flying things came out of the woods, They looked like ghosts, black ghosts(but obviously we could see them) wearing hoods that shadowed their faces. They were holding all types of weapons, scythes, katanas, bows, but mostly swords. The things just started trying to kill us. Obviously those of us who could, fought. One of the “things” which was a much more skilled swordsman than the others fought me. He was tremendously good with the sword, which made him practically impossible to fight because at the time I was basically the worst with a sword(besides the people I fought earlier.).

“What are you?” I asked.

“You can call us whatever you want,but I am the king!” It said.”Our species is the Eldeons but only high class soldiers can be called an Eldeon while low classmen are called Eldons

“Neuro, What are Eldeons?” I said.

“I don’t know,I’ve only been on this island as long as you have!” said Neuro.“But the shadow mentioned them.”

“Then figure it out, Wait, what's the shadow?” I asked while yelling.

“I will tell you later.”He responded.(He never told me)

I yelled all of this while fighting. But something weird happened at the time I had one sword,while we were fighting,my sword it just felt easier to use like it was part of me, the sword then turned gold and split into two swords. I started swinging my swords faster and faster and faster,and struck down the “King Eldeon”. I was fighting faster than I had ever thought possible but then I went back to normal speed and the king Eldeon started going faster. He TOOK my power and used it. Luckily he lost the power and I got it back. I finally struck down to the ground.I had my sword at his neck.The Eldeons finally were defeated. They retreated,He escaped my sword by sinking into the ground and coming out somewhere else.The Eldeons flew away.

We were walking around scouting the island around three hours later,and we had been building buildings Then Neuro just fell to the ground screaming!

“The shadow!”he yelled.

“What is the shadow?”I yelled.

He didn’t respond to me.I knew something was wrong. I was starting to get a little nervous. I did not know what was going on. Then the shadow brushed over me. I felt like there was no light around me. Then, suddenly I felt anger and hate with a passion like never before. I stood up and slashed out randomly in the air trying to catch this mysterious shadow. The next thing I knew I was hearing a piercing scream. I looked up and saw “The shadow”,and an army of shadow people. I realized that I had hit him directly in the torso.

the shadow looked pure black except his eyes which were pure white and kind of jagged at the ends.

He clutched his lower torso and screamed” You will pay youngling, you don't have enough power!”

Then, staring at me with his pure white eyes, he teleported away. I sprinted over to Neuro and face planted forgetting how fast I was, I looked over him to see if he was okay. He looked fine to me.

I said to him “Are you...okay?”

“yes.”he said.

“well enough to fight?”I asked

“probably.”he said.

He tried to fight...he obviously was not well enough to fight.Then “the shadow” materialized out of thin air.

“Take this!” Neuro yelled,he threw...nothing!

“Take what!”I said

“the mind powers,you idiot!”he yelled.

Then I felt it,Power beyond comprehension.

I started “controlling” the shadow’s mind. While I was doing this, Neuro struck the shadow. with the hilt of his when sword and cut off his hand. The shadow got mad and Neuro got knocked out

“My name is Shadow,and you boy, have potential, don’t waste it, come to my side I have your power I can help you.”

“I will never follow you!”I yelled

“Your loss,you will regret this for the rest of your life.”He said barely loud enough to hear.

I could tell he was about to get away. I ran towards him and with all my might I slashed at his face and I used my speed so it seemed like slow motion. I watched as a huge white slash came across his face right across his eye. I took a closer look and saw the slash was a clean cut that if not to kill him, it would leave a scar beyond comparision. Shadow shrieked, grabbed his eye and pushed me back using magic. He teleported away.

“Well now I know what ‘the shadow’ is.” I said to myself

Then Shadow teleported away.I’ve always wonder what would've happened if I had joined him.

I ran to Neuro to see if he was okay.When I reached him he was okay. I felt a decrease in power. It was so horrible I felt like killing someone,I had so much power and then it was just gone. I’ll never forget how much power it was.

Entry 3

Fight of the dragons

Neuro

I was walking around about one hour after we won against the Eldeons and Shadow(and I had given out the rest of the elements), and I built a few buildings and everybody was constructing buildings, when I noticed flying things, but they were not Eldeons. Dragons, I saw dragons!(they were baby dragons) One came and landed on my shoulder. It breathed water and fire. I sensed a tsunami coming towards the island, so I named the dragon Tsunami. I asked the water guy (Jilo) to stop the tsunami but then come right back,but he said no(I will get back to the tsunami later).

Tsunami was small but bigger than any of the others. I tried to pet Tsunami but another dragon spat fire on me. I connected to their minds and made them let me take Tsunami to a house, which I made after we got attacked. I tried to tame it. by connecting to its mind to make it trust me. It worked, I had tamed it! But it was not big enough to be an adult dragon. I went outside to find one million dragons(how do I know the exact number? Mind remember) that were about 60 times bigger than tsunami diving towards me. A huge one came down faster than the others and landed next to me and signaled for me to get on its back,I believe it was a earth dragon.I was skeptical at first but after I flew around a bit I got used to it.

Kino (the earth guy) yelled:”Name him quake”

I yelled “Quake!”.

The dragon responded.To this day Quake is still alive.He started breathing fire on the other dragons.Some other dragons did the same as Quake, So I had help to fight.Quake was the most deadly, most strong,and the fastest dragon. The first dragon that was killed was a fire dragon I think,But Tsunami spat burning hot water on it so it fell dead. It was actually pretty funny.Helio started laughing so hard that he fell over.When he got up he got on a dragon that was I think a lightning dragon,it was pretty strong, and pretty fast.

Then I remembered the tsunami.I flew Quake around tons of dragons, till I reached the ocean.I got off Quake and started using tons of power, It felt like all my energy was just disappearing. Before I fell unconscious I saw the wave stop and go the other way... probably towards China.

When I woke up I asked Helio(through mind) how long I was knocked out,Helio said I was only out for 5 minutes.I saw a key washed on shore,on the key was engraved and I quote: “Give a man power he can save the world give him praise he can destroy the universe.” so I decided to keep It just in case.

I saw Quake but he was really high in the air and to high to hear me,I wished I could reach him and I started levitating up to Quake. Once I figured out what was going on I was already on Quake.

“Helio you may do the honors!”I yelled.

“For the LEGENDS!”He yelled.

When he yelled that time slowed down expect for him. He just kept slaughtering dragons. When time went back to normal about 200 dragons were slain. After he did that it seemed that it had sucked a lot of energy out of him.

A dragon I call the trick dragon kept on appearing and disappearing in front of my face scaring me, which is why it's called the trick dragon. Helio used his speed and cut off the trick dragon's head.The bottom line is that Helio is beast, when killing dragons.

“Thanks Helio.”I said.

“Don’t mention it.” he yelled.

“By the way cool name, Helio.”I said “The Legends.”.

“All elemental people we are now called ‘The LEGENDS’!” I yelled as loud as I could.

Then the earth started rumbling,then an island smaller than the main island but still pretty big cracked in half. The biggest dragon you’ve ever seen came out of the crack,it was like all dragons powers in one dragon but it still looked epic.It was faster than Helio and stronger than Shadow.The dragon was clearly superior the other dragons: faster, stronger,and bigger.It was huge about 30 times bigger than quake and better at slaughtering other dragons than Helio.

“What kind of dragon is that?”Helio asked.

“Again only been on this island as long as you!”I yelled.

“Shut up!”He yelled as loud as he could.

“Cry baby.”I muttered under my breath.

“What did you say?”He said.

“Nothing!” I yelled.

“Screw you!”He yelled.

“I’ll fire you!”I yelled back.

When we looked back at the huge dragon. It had already slain and eaten about 500 dragons.

We’re dead.I thought. “We're dead.” Helio said.

“I just thought that”I said.

“Cool...Well not cool because we’re dead but cool.”Helio responded.

We were fighting like heck. We were cutting down dragons like it was our job (I guess it was). But then we remembered the big dragon was still watching us. It seemed it had kind of teamed up with us but every once in awhile it would look at us probably thinking to attack us or not .Whenever I looked at it, it was there just giving us that same old look I don’t know why,It creeped me out.

When most of the dragons were dead,the big one came to kill us.

“We’re screwed!”Helio yelled.

“Yes we are!”I yelled back.

“Not helping Neuro!”He yelled.

Suddenly the ground started shaking and another island that was also big but smaller than the main island cracked open, and a dragon that was exactly the same as the huge one (but the first one was black while this one was tan) came out of the island!The two big ones started fighting.They would not stop and the tan one was not happy. So we decided to see if we could stop them if it was possible but it wasn't.

“So what are going to do they won't stop Neuro!”Helio asked.

“I don't know,you have any ideas?”I yelled.

“No!”He responded.

“Then think!”I yelled.

“Let’s wing it!”responded Helio.

“Just stop talking.”I said.

I started thinking of ideas but none would work. I kept thinking until I came up with a good idea that just might work:I would try to mind control one of the dragons and kill the other.

I started to try on the tan one, but it was not weak minded at all.when I tried to mind control the black one it wasn't hard to get into its brain but moving around was hard because it was a massive dragon and I mean MASSIVE.I tried to kill the other but not only was it not weak minded it was fast,about three times faster than Helio. I didn't know how to catch it,But luckily the tan dragon was not as strong as the black one.Even with the advantage I had I was still only hitting it once or twice in a minute.Every time I hitted it I barely skimmed its body.

I let go of the black dragon's mind.

“Fine let’s just wing it”I said.

“I told you.”Helio responded.

“I hate you”I said scowling.

“Then take away my power...No please don’t.”whined Helio.

“I won't “I responded.”I need your speed”

We got on our dragons(once Helio was done crying)and set off.It was weird how Quake and Lightning(Helio’s dragon)trusted us.How were they different and why?

“No I change my mind, we will not wing it we will control the black dragon's mind, we will control the islands,we will teach others, we will prosper,and we will win.”I said.

“Way to ruin the fun.”said Helio

“I just come up with a wonderful speech and you shoot me down...wow.”I said.

I locked on to the black dragon mind and I felt Shadow, he was in the black dragon’s brain too.I used all my power to get Shadow out.When I got Shadow out,I saw him run into the woods with two other people.

The dragons stopped fighting.Zin(Animal guy)Told us that he could understand the dragons he told us that the dragons wanted to fight be cause they knew Shadow was there.So they were trying to get Shadow out.The dragons became our allies so now we have strong powerful dragons on our side.But then I realized that the dragon that Shadow and I were in was made out of dark mist stuff.At least we still have Dragon allies.

“Zin you are caretaker of the dragons.”I said.

“Yes sir.”Zin said.

Entry 4

Revenge

Kino

“You get earth.”He told me.”I will teach you.”he told me,”you will be safe here.”he told me.

Well he didn't tell me we would be fighting dragons or “Shadow” or even “Eldeons”.Yet we did...But I learned something.I am a LEGEND! No one will take it away from me.I control earth,no one else can.But on the bright side I am the koyit, meaning that I can control everyone in the armies except kings(and one day queens I hope).

But even if someone else could I don't trust Neuro but for some reason the others do.I think he has too much power,if he got mad at us he could just kill us. He probably has a plan to kill us.

Don't even get me started on Helio I had already met him before the islands opened and he is a brat,until he got the element he wasn't even that fast.What a loser he is,I hate him.Helio is also only about 5’10” .I am 6’ 5” ,and Neuro is 6’3”.How did Helio even get the element of speed.I may never know.He is also stupid, he probably doesn’t even know two plus two.He also is not even strong.He is kind of fat,while Neuro is skinny as heck.

Anyway now that I’m done ranting I will tell what I’m going to do and some big news.Neuro made these special rings that look like a dragon is wrapped around it,you put on and your dragon is inside the ring so you can bring it out whenever you want and summon it back whenever you want.Now for what my plan is I will go and kill Shadow myself,so Neuro will let me be more in charge than “Helio the perfect”.If you didn't already know anyone who got an element also got an elemental army,but the army you have is the same element as you.So I will take my army to face Shadow and his army.

I have to win after all Shadow is only a shadow...right?

Anyway I'm writing this as I am in a tent waiting for the right moment to attack Shadow.I think midnight is a great time he won't expe

Sorry that was my Elemental guardian (which is an elemental general) telling me it's midnight I will go and attack now.

I just got back from fighting and I got stabbed by Shad


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Mon Nov 06, 2017 7:23 pm
Kimball says...



I changed it, so it is shorter now.




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Thu May 11, 2017 2:51 am
lightbombhunter wrote a review...



This book is very good so far, I have some problems and compliments that I want to tell you.

1st, You have some Grammar mistakes that you need to work on, For example,"He ran away his axe ready to attack." You could incorporate another sentence into that. Instead you could say"He swiftly ran away, he raised his ask, ready to defend himself if needed. " That sounds a lot better.
2nd, You have to add commas to a lot of your chapters
3rd, you should probably be less choppy, it goes straight from voting to Zin being the leader. You could make it so someone collects the polls and the leadership went to Zin. Then, another example is when Zin is holding the gn to the soldiers head. The solider didn't even say anything. It went straight from Zin holding it to the solider letting him go.
4th,you need to add more sentences for example" and I went through a door that looked completely normal it led to some stairs going down" You could use a sentence in between normal and it.

I hope you have a great time continuing this booka and making it more awesome


(i like Helio The best, He is the most funny)




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Sun Apr 30, 2017 1:56 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Hi there!

So my first suggestion isn't about the story itself, it's about the way you've posted it here. If you'd like feedback from more people, it's a good idea to break the story down into smaller chunks and post it that way - reviewers are sometimes put off by something this long! I put into MS Word to check, and it's around 16,000 words and 66 pages! It does cost more points to post that way, but you get more bang for your buck, so to speak. Try to keep your installments at one to two thousand words to get more readers.

Additionally, if you want feedback from more people, you can ask for reviews in Will Review for Food. Just make sure you're willing to do some reviews in return! That way, you'll have points to post more of your own literary works, plus you'll make some friends, plus you might find that some of the people you review will give you reviews back.

So that's it on that. MOVING ON.

For your story, I want to focus on the introduction. The rest of the story has dialogue, interesting interaction between characters, action, dragons, danger, and all sorts of good stuff. But the introduction doesn't have any of that.

Have you ever heard of the Islands of the Legends? Well, chances are you weren’t even born when Shadow took them under his own power. It still remains taken today, but the Eldeons tried to take down Shadow, but failed and… Let me guess you have no idea what any of these things are? Well, let me start at the beginning.

One day geographers found a new group of islands, that seemed to make the impossible possible, they decided to name them after the scientist who found them, Professor Tenney or Kyle Tenney, to be exact. So they were called “the Islands of Tenney”.One was opened to the public on February 5th 2003. The rest of them were not safe so were not open to the public. The one that was open was called the main island.


This is what I'd call an infodump, something to be avoided at all costs - and also something I'm really, really bad about myself! It can be really hard to give readers the backstory necessary to understand the rest of the story without going, "Here is this important world/character history that you'll need to hang onto for later." But the problem is, if you give it to us all in one chunk like that, it can bore people.

That's not to say you shouldn't include this information! The bit about the "man of darkness" at the end was especially intriguing and obviously important, because I'm guessing that's going to be our villain. But it's better to let the information appear naturally in the story. Maybe someone is acting suspicious. Maybe a character who doesn't know much about all this finds out about it from a more knowledgeable character - although it can still be easy to infodump in this case, because that's my weakness. (You'd think I'd be better at it by now, but no, not really.)

Reveal things a little at a time, as we need to know it. It'll give readers questions to keep them interested as they read on to find out more. Plus, that way you can use the start of your first chapter as the opening scene, which I think makes for a much better hook.

I yelled ”No!”.

This was becoming frustratingI thought. I needed the perfect person for the king of speed. I went through person through person through person! I just wanted to go away and scream!

“You!”


See? Way more interesting! Things are happening, and we start right in with characters we want to get to know.

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Kimball says...


Thank you.



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Sun Apr 16, 2017 3:42 pm
Asith wrote a review...



Hey there, it's been a few days but hopefully, you're still here.
Firstly, please understand that in no way am I trying to hurt your feelings, I just want to point out areas in which you can drastically improve.

It seems like you don't really have a good understanding of grammar and punctuation yet (don't feel bad, there's always time to learn) and I highly recommend you look into improving that before you write a novel/story like this.
Some of your biggest errors are in your direct speech.
For example, I picked this quote out randomly from your story:

“Cool I look forward to using it.”He said.


Firstly, you must keep in mind that it's just as important to use proper punctuation inside the speech of a character as it is in just telling the story. In this case it should read: “Cool, I look forward to using it.”He said.

Secondly, you're closing the speech incorrectly. It shouldn't be a full stop, it should be a comma. The 'he' should also not be capitalised. Like this: “Cool, I look forward to using it,he said.
Hopefully, this should explain how to properly punctuate direct speech -
When you use 'he said', it's part of the same sentence, so you need a comma there.
"I like coffee cake," he said.

It's only a period if you start with a new sentence after the dialogue.
"I like coffee cake." He put down his fork.

It is also a new sentence, and therefore a period, if the next bit is not a way of saying something.
"I like coffee cake," he whispered.
"I like coffee cake." He shrugged.
See the difference? He can whisper the words, but he can't shrug them. That's a very common mistake, and one to watch for.

It might be easier if you imagine that we used italics rather than quote marks to indicate dialogue.

I like coffee cake, he said.

versus

I like coffee cake. He said.

Hopefully, the first one looks right, since it's obviously all one sentence, and the second one wrong. Now you can simply add the quote marks.

In other words, this isn't so much a matter of grammar as of punctuation.


All in all, it occurs to me that you may be very young and English may not be your first language, so don't feel too bad. You seem to have a great plot idea and a huge passion for writing so keep it up! Just remember, if your grammar and punctuation isn't good, most people will think your story isn't good either.

I hope to see more work from you soon :)
Don't give up:)




Kimball says...


I speak english and danish fluently and im 13 and in high school so... no im not to young.



Asith says...


That's great, jut try to bring it out more in your writing ;)





You cant speak danish fluently kimball



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Mon Apr 10, 2017 3:54 pm
Kimball says...



I plan more and it will be coming very soon.




Kimball says...


Okay I see.





I like this book, espicialy the part where helio runs away




Yewis superiority!
— Several authors from the auspicious site.