Six Months

"You have a job here."

My heart swelled with joy. Barely a month after I graduated, I actually found a job, and in my field too! I thought I was the luckiest person in the world. 

3 months of probation.

"Do your best." I thought to myself. Every day. But I always to my best. I worked so hard to improve, but I knew that the effects of being the new girl wouldn't wear off any time soon. My manager spent countless shifts following me around to teach me how to do this and that, and I went with it. No red flags, right? Everything is great. You know. Great team, great manager, really kind-hearted boss. "We're a family here!" he repeats every day. 

Lights off. Because we are "eco friendly", we work in the dark as long as there are no clients. Oh, okay. I guess I can live with that. 

Don't do the laundry in peak times. Because we are "eco friendly". When is peak time? All day until 7pm. Towers upon towers of laundry piled up as I started at them in awe. I close at 8pm. How on earth do I finish those in one hour?! While closing the cash and cleaning the entire clinic on my own too? 

Save syringes. Don't use this. Reuse that. Save money. Make sure people are paying. Did they sign that they're going to pay? Did you make sure they paid? If they don't pay it's your fault for not making them. 

Probation ends. 

Yay, I get to keep my job. That job where my boss enjoys following me around all day, reminding me to work faster, work in the dark, and save money. The job where my boss goes home and watches me on camera, then calls me to make sure I'm working hard enough. I need the job. Suck it up buttercup, you're in real life now.  I love my job! Or at least, that's what I tell people because I'm too embarrassed to say anything else. I love the death stare clients give me when I cash them out. It's as if I set the pricing and I love ripping everybody off. Remind me again why I became a veterinary technician? Oh right, because I love animals. Not because I love money. In fact, I hate money. 

4 months. 

I spent my probation being the punching bag of this one technician who hated my guts from day 1. Why? I'm not sure what I did, but she loves to bully me. Stay professional. This will probably end after probation. Well guess what, now I'm getting punched even harder. Everyone can see it. Nobody cares.

5 months. 

My favorite veterinarian just quit because the salary is shit. No kidding, mine is even shittier. Goodbye to the only reason I still enjoyed my job at least a little. Stop thinking that way. You're an adult. Shut up and keep working. I keep repeating it to myself. I keep coming in, working as hard as I can, and being told I don't work hard enough. I'm not efficient enough. I am burdening everyone on the team. I am the reason this surgery started late. I am the reason this happened and that happened. Red flags yet? 

6 months. 

Here's a snake for me to anesthetize. Neither I nor the veterinarian have ever anesthetized a snake. What if I kill my patient? The owner decided we have to do it anyway. RED FLAG, DAMN IT!

I hold my breath as I recover my strange patient. Will he wake up? The vet holds his breath even more. I watched the owner hand him over to me with tears streaming down her face. She trusted ME. She gave me her pet and trusted ME to keep him alive during surgery. This is taking too long. Wake up! I manage to find the heart beat. He's alive. My heart sinks. I could have killed the damned snake.

I AM DONE WITH YOU. 

Here, take this letter of resignation. I'm out in 2 weeks. So sorry it didn't work out. 

"Oh but I wanted to increase your hours!" He says with a cheesy smile. You did, huh?
"You will never find a hospital like ours. Where the environment is so relaxed." Oh no, I'm sure I won't.
"You're a good girl, I'll give you a good reference." Oh? A reference stating I'm inefficient?
Ramble ramble ramble. I wonder how long he will continue to lie to my face.
"If you ever need a job you can come back anytime." HAH! Screw you and your job! 

I AM DONE WITH YOU.