Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well...this was a really powerful piece here, a very startling start to a story for certain here, it definitely makes you quite invested in this main character here and does it quite fast.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The struggle began slowly. Like a long hike with no water, the dehydration is slow. The struggle of bulimia began slowly for me.
As a child I was always uncomfortable with myself. I hid in oversized tee-shirts and sweatpants. Around age 12, my weight became an obsession. I dont know why. I dont know how. It just slowly started to consume me. Slowly my thoughts of being thin overtook my want for food. I became vegetarian, not just to help animals but to satisfy my narcissistic want to be thin. I was in therapy, but just because of some family problems we had.
Oh wow, well that is cutting right to the heart of a pretty bad mental disorder. Eating disorders are certainly quite a serious problem, and it looks like our main character here is someone who has a fairly serious case of it...and this looks like someone that knows they've got this issue but never really got any help for it, which certainly doesn't seem like it would be healthy at all. Well..this is a beginning that certainly gets your attention right away.
My older sister was in the spotlight, with her anxiety and ocd. Everyone was always at her feet, trying to help. She would scream obscenities at us. She was who everyone worried about. She called me names. She was who I feared. I always managed to fool my therapist into thinking I was fine. She disscontinued my sessions with her. In secret I was cutting. Inside I was dying.
Well...that certainly doesn't seem like a very healthy practice there. It certainly is a very interesting backstory her to construct to have someone that had a sister that was also suffering from a couple of mental illnesses and for them to make sure the one they had went undetected there. Certainly seems like a lot of work that's being done by someone quite young. Certainly makes you wonder why no one else noticed.
I would fast, sometimes for 5 days. I felt dead, my stomach felt as if it was eating its self. My mind was so lost, I wouldnt be able to think. I spent most days sleeping to avoid eating. If I was awake, I would be outside running with my dog. Then the day came where I was home alone. I had ate lunch, and felt like I was going to gain 300 pounds. I locked the front door. Walked to the bathroom. Locked myself in. I staired at the toilet, thinking about what I was about to do. I pulled my hair back, fastened it with a band. Bent over. Placed a couple fingers into my mouth, pushed them back. Back into my throat. At first nothing came up, and I was left gagging. I tried again, harder. Everything came up after awhile. I wiped my 12 year old face. Wiped the toilet seat. Washed my hands. Brushed my teeth. Opened the door and cried as I smiled. I was so angry that I was fat, and so happy that I got rid of the food in my stomach.
Well, this is definitely sparing no details there, its a very realistic portrayal of how a disease like this can really eat a person from the inside out, and you bring about a very vivid depiction of this and the devastating effect that it has. You get a powerful sense of how this person quickly became obsessed with this action and how it slowly took over their life here.
I am 16, and I dont go a day without this battle. I am insecure. I have a social phobia. I have severe anxiety. I have ocd. I am not in school, but I have to either get my G.E.D. or go back to the school I was in. The school I was in when I ran away. The school I was in when I was at home and attempted suicide. That school, where I had no friends. That school, is the one. I have gone to 14 schools, but this is by far the worst. I think its mainly because of my anxiety, its at its peak. Sometimes I vomit up to 6 times a day. I have been vegan since I was 14. No eggs, milk, or any animal products or by-products.
Hmm, so we have a timeskip to what I assume is the present day here and it looks like this person is almost trying to sort out the issues they've had throughout their life by reflecting on things here, but finds themselves stuck in a bit of a vicious cycle almost where they have come to a choice that looks like it could cause some major issues here.
I have a therapist. I am on 3 medications, but nobody knows about this secret. I dont know why I am posting this on here. I think its because I am exhausted. I am weak, and sad. Depression makes us do weird things. I sometimes want help, but then I know I dont. I cry almost every night.
I am not skinny, I am "not fat." What the hell am I?
I am seriously messed up. Thats what.
Okay...this reads quite a bit like a monologue there, especially towards the end. While this does paint a powerful picture that certainly makes you get a bit invested in this character and what may end up happening to them...I do have to wonder exactly where this is headed. This seems strangely final like its not meant to have any other parts to it despite the fact that this is in the novel/chapter section.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, a pretty solid start you've got here. It seems like something I'd potentially read more of here. At any rate, that's about all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254788
Reviews: 4107
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