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Young Writers Society



The Story of My Life

by Kelsi222


Hey. Well here is chapter two! Hope you like!!

I woke up the next morning with the sunlight of a new day streaming into my face through the light purple curtains. I rolled over and glanced at the white alarm clock. The red neon numbers read 9:24 AM. I groaned and rolled back over and threw a pillow over my face. Then it hit me like a tun of bricks. My mother was still dead. Still never coming back. I sat up and looked at the window. I got up and walked over to it, I then opened up the two french glass doors and walked out into the sunny May day. I leaned against the brass railing as I closed my eyes allowing the early May breeze blow over me. As I opened my eyes I looked down at the busy street below me.

People hurrying to get to work. Little kids screaming to their parents. When you sit back and just listen to the chaos, it is almost peaceful. That is kinda an oxymoron. Chaos being peaceful. My mom would always come up with stuff like that.

I heard a knock at the bedroom door. I walked off the patio and back into the room as I closed the two doors shut. I was about to answer the door when Elsie walked in. "Morning" she said with a smile.

"Morning" I replied back to her. I sat on the bed and slouched, folding my arms across my chest. She came over and sat next to me and rubbed my back. I looked up at her with tears forming in my eyes. I then started to cry again. It seemed to be the only thing I did these days. She hugged me and stroked my blond hair.

"It's okay sweetie, everything is going to be okay". She released me and I looked at her.

"I know. But I just thought it would be better today. You know, maybe easier".

"I can believe that honey. When my father died I felt the same way. But I am sorry to say this honey, but it doesn't get much easier". I laughed sarcastically and looked down at my hands.

"Yeah, well who ever said time heals everything, I'd like to punch them". She laughed.

"I would love to give a punch to that fool to. Come on, lets go downstairs and get something to eat."

We descended down the stairs were we at our breakfast. Amazing french toast, with delicious fresh orange and apple juice. I then went back up stairs to get changed, when I returned wearing a pair of dark jean shorts and a light blue tank-top I told her I felt like taking a walk around the park. "Okay dear" she said with a smile, "But don't be to long" she added hastily.

"I won't" I promised. I walked out the front door and on to the street.

The spring sun felt like a cool relaxing blanket against my soft pale face. I had been a while since I had seen the huge yellow ball and felt the cool early spring wind running through my long wavy blond hair. It felt so relaxing and so enjoyable. It felt like it could suck all my problems away into tiny pieces. To bad it really couldn't. What I wouldn't wish for it to.

I was off into my own thoughts, not paying attention to my surroundings when I felt a hand being placed on my left shoulder. I whipped around ready to pound who ever it was, but as I turned, fists up, it was only my best guy friend, Sam. I had been in love with him since last summer, though he didn't know that. He had short brown hair spiked up a little with sparkling blue eyes and a perfect smile that would make you weak in the knees with he flashed it.

"Hey Amelia" he said smiling down at me. "Mr. Dyer told us what happened to your mom. I'm really sorry". He hugged me.

"Thanks" I said against his shoulder. God, I loved being in his arms.

"He also said when he finds out the funeral date, who ever in the class wants to go, they can."

"Great" I said sarcastically. All I need it the bunch of popular bitches up in my face saying how sorry they were and acting like my best friend. When really they never said two words to me since fifth grade.

"What? I thought you'd be happy we were all going to be their." I looked up at him.

"I am, if it was just you, Erin, David, Josh, Sophie and Diamond, you know, my real friends".

He chuckled,"Yeah I get it, understandable". I smiled at him and looked away out over the duck pond. I walked a few steps closer to it and Sam followed me.

"My mom used to take me out here when I was little to feed the ducks". And single tear shaded from my eye. Sam saw it and put his to hands on my shoulders.

"It's going to be okay Amelia". I turned around to face him with an angry look on my usually happy face.

"How do you know it's going to be okay?" I was getting a tad bit pissed with people saying that. "Really Sam how do you know!?! My mom was ASSENTED yesterday by god knows who! And he is now probably half way around the world by now, if it is who I think it is". I turned away from him in hurt and guilt from snapping at him. He walked around me to be facing me again

"Who do you think it is?" I looked up at his handsome face.

"Leo Haswari". He looked confused at first, but then it came to him.

"Isn't that the Israel dude who took her hostage in the autopsy and kidnapped her?" I closed my eyes and looked down at my baby phat sneakers and nodded.

"Yeah" I sighed, "yeah it is. They could never catch him, and now she is dead. So they sure as hell better catch him this time".

I stormed off angry towards the lake. I stopped once I reached the edge. As I looked at over the peaceful view I breathed deeply trying to cool off before Sam came over. I didn't want to blow up at him again, he was only trying to help. He came over and stood at my right.

"I'm sorry A, I didn't mean to up-set you"

"It's okay" I replied back, letting out another deep breath. "I know you are only trying to help" I continued. I plopped down on the hard wooden bench behind me, and Sam did the same throwing his right arm around me as I laid my head on his shoulder.

"Amelia?" he started. I looked at him with pink puffy eyes, waiting for him to finish, "I think you should go into the school tomorrow, and talk to Mrs. Reyes, she could help you with this, and I think you need someone to help you through this. Even though you have all of us to support you and all. But we are not professionals. So I think you should talk to her". He said all that in one breath, I think because he was afraid I'd hit him if he stopped in between. I was I few seconds before I replied. I sighed and looked down at my hands.

"I know" I said looking back up at him.

"Really?" he said sounding shocked. "I thought you were going to hit me". I laughed then got up.

"I got to go. Elise is probably wondering where I am, and you know with everything I have to plan". Sam got up and hugged me and kissed my rosy cheek.

"You need anything. I'm there 24/7, I'm just a call away."

"I know"

"Bye Amelia",

"Bye Sam". And we both walked off in opposite directions.

As I was walking home, I noticed myself thinking about stuff more positively. This was going to make me stronger. You know what they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Now all I needed to do was start making myself actual believing that.


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Tue Nov 24, 2020 8:20 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: I'll start by saying as far as I know I didn't read chapter one of this so sorry if I miss something because of that. On first glance the pacing appears wonky, the description a touch rushed but the emotions, dialogue and reactions seem realistic enough to work out well.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I woke up the next morning with the sunlight of a new day streaming into my face through the light purple curtains. I rolled over and glanced at the white alarm clock. The red neon numbers read 9:24 AM. I groaned and rolled back over and threw a pillow over my face. Then it hit me like a tun of bricks. My mother was still dead. Still never coming back. I sat up and looked at the window. I got up and walked over to it, I then opened up the two french glass doors and walked out into the sunny May day. I leaned against the brass railing as I closed my eyes allowing the early May breeze blow over me. As I opened my eyes I looked down at the busy street below me.


This feels a little umm...rushed to me. The description looks like its just being rushed through without really showing us much. Not the greatest opening I would say unfortunately.

People hurrying to get to work. Little kids screaming to their parents. When you sit back and just listen to the chaos, it is almost peaceful. That is kinda an oxymoron. Chaos being peaceful. My mom would always come up with stuff like that.


This little bit is definitely better. It tells us much more about what's going on and is easier to imagine properly.

"I can believe that honey. When my father died I felt the same way. But I am sorry to say this honey, but it doesn't get much easier". I laughed sarcastically and looked down at my hands.

"Yeah, well who ever said time heals everything, I'd like to punch them". She laughed.


Sad truth that one...well that seems pretty realistic at least.

We descended down the stairs were we at our breakfast. Amazing french toast, with delicious fresh orange and apple juice. I then went back up stairs to get changed, when I returned wearing a pair of dark jean shorts and a light blue tank-top I told her I felt like taking a walk around the park. "Okay dear" she said with a smile, "But don't be to long" she added hastily.


Again this is a little rushed. I would like to see a bit more description and slower pacing in these bits. Its just too much things happening in a single paragraph.

"Hey Amelia" he said smiling down at me. "Mr. Dyer told us what happened to your mom. I'm really sorry". He hugged me.

"Thanks" I said against his shoulder. God, I loved being in his arms.


Well that was an interesting line to throw in there.

"Isn't that the Israel dude who took her hostage in the autopsy and kidnapped her?" I closed my eyes and looked down at my baby phat sneakers and nodded.

"Yeah" I sighed, "yeah it is. They could never catch him, and now she is dead. So they sure as hell better catch him this time".


Oh dear, now I wish I somehow ran into part one of this. That sounds like it is quite a story.

"Amelia?" he started. I looked at him with pink puffy eyes, waiting for him to finish, "I think you should go into the school tomorrow, and talk to Mrs. Reyes, she could help you with this, and I think you need someone to help you through this. Even though you have all of us to support you and all. But we are not professionals. So I think you should talk to her". He said all that in one breath, I think because he was afraid I'd hit him if he stopped in between. I was I few seconds before I replied. I sighed and looked down at my hands.


Sounds like good advice there.

As I was walking home, I noticed myself thinking about stuff more positively. This was going to make me stronger. You know what they say, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Now all I needed to do was start making myself actual believing that.


And that's a really strong line to end on right there. Definitely makes me want to read on.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think its a pretty decent piece that you've got here. It needs a little ironing out here and there but overall it does work out well enough that I definitely want to read the first chapter of this and would read more chapters of this.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Jun 21, 2008 8:25 pm
Kelsi222 says...



Thank you!




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Sun Jun 08, 2008 2:21 pm
alwaysawriter wrote a review...



I liked it. I did notice a few things, one in particular:

"Morning"
Put a period after morning.

You know, maybe easier".
Period BEFORE the quotations.

Other than that and

"I would love to give a punch to that fool to.
You left off an 'o' in too.

it was good.





The first draft is a trip to the amusement park. The next drafts are returning there as a safety inspector.
— SunsetTree