Published December 12, 2010
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139,464 Literary Works • 672,570 Reviews
God, I love this. Sorry, I can't be any help to you, either, I haven't found a single mistake--well, that's not true; one thing.
I get what you mean, but the if possible seems a bit... weird. It suggests (at least for me) that the act of her sneer growing is something Elizabeth wants to happen; do you know what I mean? Like, "If possible, [could] her sneer grow [?]". That's just how it sounds to me--you don't have to change it, though, because it does make sense. I just had to do a double take.
I really love the introduction of the "friend", Maggie. It's an interesting dynamic--Elizabeth can't feel anything, and Maggie feels too much (pain, that is). The fact that she's good at everything only enhances her alienation, which is a great addition, I think--most characters with similar characteristics might be accused of being a Mary-Sue, but since Elizabeth has already been proven to be incredibly flawed, it works, here.
And I'm very intruigued by the fact that she paints--she's emotionless, and yet she makes art... it seems almost a contradiction, but you've handled everything pretty well so far. I'm sure it works!
Looking forward to Chapter 3!
Hey Kels!
Thanks for the heads-up on Chapter 2! I know you were probably hoping I could give you some actually helpful criticism, but sadly (although, I think it happily) I cannot. This new chapter introduced a new intrigue to the plot and helped to guide the reader further into the story. I was happy to see at the beginning that she hadn't always been "soulless" and that just made me wonder how you were going to explain her lack of feeling later on. I see that Tanya couldn't come up with anything nitpicky either, so I feel a bit better about my lack of criticism. Just keep on doing what you're doing and I'm sure this story will flow along beautifully. Thanks you for posting. I sincerely enjoy reading you work. (Despite the tinge of jealousy I feel. Haha.)
Happy Writing!
Bailey
PS Oh and let me know when you post the next installment! Please and thank you!
Kelsey; Yowzer!
It would be swell if you could 'slip up' on some mistakes to make it look like I'm actually reviewing you.
Seriously, I found no mistakes at all. The plot? It thickens! I really enjoy this world you've created, and the characters also. I can't wait to find out more about your MC. She's intriguing!
Sorry this wasn't of more help to you, but you don't give me much to work with; it's already brilliant!
Tanya